The double life (Двойная жизнь)

The double life

At the top of the stairs is a locked room
My secret chamber that no outsider views
For entry is forbidden
Prohibited

Behind this door is my other self
Not a picture in a frame nor a fresh disguise
But my other self
Immobile, inert and sanguine
My narcissus kisses exhale crimson breath
And pump ruby to the lip

I stand before myself not Jekyll nor Hyde
Not sibling nor twin separated at birth
I stand before myself
Unaccountable

I dreamt that I had feet of clay
I dreamt I crossed the seven seas
And when I woke not knowing
I knew I led the double life

All I ever needed is twice removed
I spit my bile in an airless temper
In this vacuum - a vampire reversed
This one who breathes life into me
And even dull mirrors reflect the tarnished twosome

I stand before myself not another me
Not Doppleganger nor witless clone
I stand before myself unrepentant

I dreamt of sin and aftermath
I dreamt of centuries laid bare
And when I woke not knowing
I knew I led the double life (1,2,3,4 lines repeated)

All I ever needed is twice removed
This one who breathes life into me
The double life
I knew the double life