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The Three Bells

Village in the heart of the valley,
As if lost, quite ignored,
And there in the starlighted night,
To us a newborn is given!
Jean-François Nicot is he named,
He is chubby-cheek, tender and pinkish,
In church, handsome little man,
Tomorrow you'll be baptized...
 
A bell is ringing, ringing
Her voice from echo to echo
Tells to the world that wonder:
"It's for Jean-François Nicot!
To welcome a soul
A flower that comes out to the daylight
Barely, barely a flame
Still weak and requiring
Protection, tenderness, love..."
 
Village in the heart of the valley,
Far from all paths, far from human beings,
And there after nineteen years,
Heart in a flutter, the Jean-François
Takes for wife sweet Élise
White as apple tree blossom!
Before God, in the old church,
This day they get married...
 
All the bells are ringing, ringing
Their voices from echo to echo
Marvellously crown
François Nicot's wedding!
"Only one heart, only one soul"
Says the priest, "and for ever
Be a pure flame
Rising and proclaiming
The greatness of your love!"
 
Village in the heart of the valley,
Many days, many nights, time flew by,
And there in the starlighted night,
A heart falls asleep, François is dead...
Every flesh is like the grass
It is like a wild flower
Ears, ripe fruits, bunches and sheaves,
Alas, everything goes withering...
 
A bell is tolling, tolling,
She's singing in the wind,
Haunting and monotonous,
She repeats to the livings:
"Do not shiver loyal hearts
God will beckon to you one day!
You shall find under His wing
Together with eternal life -
The eternity of love..."
 
Originaltext

Les Trois Cloches

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Kommentare
David RensbergerDavid Rensberger    Fr, 01/03/2019 - 01:02

Faëriel, I don't know whether you are still interested in proofreading suggestions for this, but I would like to offer a few.
First, I thank you and DD Oiseau for posting these lyrics. In my opinion, the French is much richer and more poetic than the standard English adaption by Bert Reisfeld, as is perhaps to be expected.
Regarding your translation, it is quite well done overall. Here are a few matters of idiom and grammar:

  • "starlit" is preferable to "starlighted".
  • Since "bell" is neuter in English, "her voice" should be "its voice".
  • "Tells to the world that wonder" should be "Tells to the world that wonders" ("the world ... wonders").
  • "Coeur en émoi, le Jean-François // Prend pour femme la douce Élise" = "Heart in a flutter, the Jean-François // Takes for wife sweet Élise": The English idiom regarding definite articles here would be the opposite: "Jean-François // Takes for wife the sweet Élise". In English, a name cannot have a definite article, unless it is modified by an adjective.
  • "Every flesh is like the grass // It is like a wild flower": This is a quotation from the Bible, Isaiah 40:6-7, which the Bible de Jérusalem renders, "Une voix dit : 'Crie', et je dis : 'Que crierai-je ?' - 'Toute chair est de l'herbe et toute sa grâce est comme la fleur des champs. L'herbe se dessèche, la fleur se fane, quand le souffle de Yahvé passe sur elles; oui, le peuple, c'est de l'herbe.'" The English (Revised Standard Version) of this is "A voice says, 'Cry!' And I said, 'What shall I cry?' - 'All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades, when the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people is grass.'" So in English, in order to make the biblical quotation clear, one might render, "For all flesh is like grass // It is like the flower of the field".
  • Again, with reference to the bell, "She's singing in the wind" should be "It's singing in the wind".
  • Similarly, "She repeats to the livings" should be "It repeats to the living". Note the singular "living"; English does not use the plural for participles.

I appreciate your translation very much, Faëriel, and I do hope my suggestions can be of some use to you!