I Am Sorry (Mi dispiace)
I Am Sorry
Mama, I have dreamed that you knocked at my door
And a bit confused you took off your glasses
But to see me better and for the first time I felt as you also felt that we are not similar.
And holding me, you were surprised
That you were so sad and didn't find a peace.
How long I didn't hold you
And in that silence I told you in a low voice....I am sorry!
However that noise was enough to wake up,
To make me cry
And to make me come back in my childhood
In all those lost days
Where in summer the sky became the sea
And I listed to the tales which you told in a low voice.
And when I fell asleep in your arms
Not yet knowing that I was happy.
But on sixteen I changed, however,
And saw myself the same as I am now.
And suddenly I felt myself lonely and hope lost
Because I was not daughter any more which I wanted to be
And like this our closeness was over,
Those small conversations
Which were a great help.
I hid myself in a cold irritation
And you will regret for a son
Which you didn't have.
I spent all the time not at home
And could never bear your admonishes
And I began to get jealous
Because you were great,
Unreachable and more beautiful.
I gave myself to fleeting dream,
I threw a bottle in the sea with my heart
And lost memory needing some courage
Because I was ashamed to be your daughter!
But you don't knock at my door and I saw a dream in vain which I can't make true
Because my thoughts are too full of my pettiness ,
Because the pride doesn't want to forgive you
And then if you really knocked at my door,
I would not manage to tell you any word,
You would talk to me with your a bit strict look
And I would feel myself again lonely,
That's why I've written you this obscure letter
To feel again a bit of peace at least
And not to ask from you for a late forgiveness
But to be able to tell you, mama, I am sorry!
It's not true any more that I am ashamed for you
And my soul, I feel, is similar to yours.
I will wait patiently for another dream.
I love you, mama...write me...your daughter.