One of my longest translation I asked.
Thank you a lot.
And I found it's a good translation.
Feminine Rhymes
- 1. metempsychosis = reincarnation (literary word).
Danke! ❤ | ||
4 Mal gedankt |
Gedankt - Details:
Nutzer | vor |
---|---|
Grampa Wild Willy | 9 Jahre 5 Monate |
Romaint | 9 Jahre 6 Monate |
1. | Rimes féminines |
2. | Mutatis mutandis |
3. | Une lettre oubliée |
1. | être fleur |
2. | to throw a party |
Wow! What a song! I had to look up a TON of stuff, in Wikipedia, Wikipédia, and ATILF. I was going to embed links to things but there ended up being so many it would be ridiculous. So . . .
Into an empty body, sinking my soul > I would translate this almost word for word the same as the French:
To put my soul into an empty body
I tried to translate this in the more poetic order, starting with "Into an empty body . . ." but it just wouldn't come out right.
In one of them puts down roots > . . . takes root
Electing among the eminent women, > Choosing . . .
The one who would make me a shivering one, > This isn't totally wrong but I think I would go with ". . . make me shiver,"
My innate sisters, my Philippines*, > I looked up "philippines" in ATILF and it talks about 2 nuts in the same shell. So I think maybe this is a word that doesn't translate directly. Maybe "twins" would be as close as we can come in English.
Or Garbo, in “La Reine Christine” > Apparently, the name of the movie was "Queen Christina."
Or Kiki from Montparnasse > There's a couple of places in the song where "Ou bien" appears. You chose to simply not translate the "bien" part. I think you could say "Or even." As in:
Or even Kiki from Montparnasse
Being born tomorrow, being born again yesterday, > . . . reborn yesterday,
It's short, to the point, and a common word.
Going forth and into reverse, > Going forward
You could even translate "marche" as "march."
Marching forward, marching in reverse,
That would work.
These beauties, these intelligences > . . . these intelligent women
Or my foremother, the big mouth, Mother Teresa > Or my great-grandmother, that big-mouth Teresa
Mother Teresa was a specific person and this just doesn't sound like a reference to her at all. Mother Teresa does appear for a moment in the video, but not when she sings this line. And "foremother" is a bit . . . stilted. It's not a word that is in common usage.
Whether I have [their] mind, or [their] aspect, > . . . or their looks
Or the Great Billy Holiday > It's "Billie." I looked it up.
With one of them, revolting > I looked up "révolter" and I'm having trouble deciding if this should be translated as "disgusting" or "rebelling." Let's try this, see how you like it:
With one of them rebelling against me
Or is it the opposite sense?
With me rebelling against one of them
Having for all army their proud, > Having as their only weapon their pride
Brontë sisters, Louise Labé, > The Brontë sisters . . .
Even if I have to pay the price, > The comma at the end here seems important.
But please, no birth, > . . . no newborn,
nor youth, nor adolescence, > . . . nor adolescent,
Be good, o metempsychosis > Yes, this is a word in English, but I had to go look it up. I think our readers will be more familiar with the word "reincarnation."
Urgently’ playing with the big girls > Instantly into the presence of the great ones
Or that good George Sand > Or that good woman . . .
Place me in the side of heart, > . . . beside the heart,
Side of talent, of happiness > Beside the talent, beside the happiness of
Yes, immediately, being in the lights of glory, > I would go with something more literally like the French here:
Yes take me right away to the fires of glory,
In the limelight and in History > I'm not sure why "History" is capitalized here. It seems unnecessary. It could be a transcription error.
La Yourcenar, Sarah Bernhadt, > You're missing an R in BernhaRRRRRRdt.
A steel feather, or a gold heart > Could this also be translated as "A pen of steel?" As in the writing instrument. And "heart of gold" is a common turn of phrase in English.
La Solidor, Christian Rochefort, > I would keep it "Christiane," same as in French.
The fearless belles without brood > This could work. I might have gone with "beauties."
The train of Devil and its she-devils, > . . . of the Devil and his . . .
I’ll even go for Anne Sinclair > . . . go as far as . . .
But if so many wishes torment yourselves, > . . . you,
I might be tempted to translate "chagrinent" as "overwhelm" here.
If it is contrary to the doctrine, > If it goes against doctrine
It is important to omit the comma here. The two lines form one sentence.
To aim high at karmas, > I don't think I've ever seen "karma" used in the plural. Let's try this:
To aim for great karma,
Then make up your mind for anonymity. > . . . in anonymity.
Waiting for everything to swing, > . . . for everything to fall apart,
Or maybe it means . . . for everything to fall into place,
I looked it up and I'm not quite sure.
That Satan congratulates me > For Satan to congratulate me
Or that angels greet me excitedly, > Or for the angels to throw me a party,
Allow an ultimate request > Allow me one last request.
Make your sista reborn, > Let your sista be reborn
Interesting choice, "sista." Clever.
In whoever, in factory girl, > As anybody, as a factory girl,
In nothing girl, or kitchen aid, > As a nobody, or as a kitchen servant,
In Croatian or in North African, > In Coatia or in the Maghreb,
No n on "Croatia."
We say "the Maghreb" in English, too.
By chance, doesn’t determine it, > Doesn't come up with the lucky decision,
There, as Juliette Noureddine! > Even as . . .
Again, no comma.
A couple of things still:
In one of them takes roots. > . . . takes root.
Just the singular. It's just the way we say it.
that big mouth, Mother Teresa > Do you really think the Mother part needs to be there? I say again, I really don't think she's referring to that nun who did all that charitable work in India.
With one of them, rebelling > Yes! The comma makes all the difference in the world!
Having as their only weapon their proud, > . . . their pride,
A wordsmith of steel, > Yes, I like it!
Then make up your mind for anonymity. > . . . in anonymity.
We say "in" in this expression. I am familiar with "dans l'anonymat" and it means "in anonymity." It's just how it is.
Bascule > My lesson for today. Thank you!
Yes, that's how I understood it too. But the nouns I would choose are "newborn" and "adolescent." Those are the people whose conditions are, respectively, "just having been born" and "adolescence." She doesn't want to come back as a newborn. She doesn't want to come back as an adolescent. Elle ne veut pas revenir comme une adolescente. On l'exprime subtilement différemment en anglais. You can't say "I don't want to come back as an adolescence." You can say "I don't want to come back in adolescence." Same for the other. You can't say "I don't want to come back as a birth." You can say "I don't want to come back just after birth" or "I don't want to come back as a newborn." "Birth" veut dire le processus d'accouchage. "Newborn" est celle qui résulte du processus. "Youth" is one of those strange words that applies as both the condition of being of that age as well as an individual of that age. So that part was actually right, but that may have been a bit by accident.
Anonymity: Oh oh oh . . . I understand it differently now. OK. Then you would say it like one of these:
Then make me anonymous
Bring me back in anonymity
The idea seems to be that if everything she's said up to that point is too much to ask, if it goes against doctrine (you don't need "the" in front of "doctrine" in this way of expressing it) to ask for great karma, then she will accept, as a poor second choice, coming back in anonymity. Do I have it right?
Basculer: OK. What you have now works fine. J'entends le mot "basculer" sortir des bouches des gars à la radio qui décrivent et analysent les matches du hockey du Canadien de Montréal. Ils disent parfois que le match a basculé après un jeu, un but, une mise en échec, une infériorité numérique écouler avec succès. Parfois il me semble qu'il veulent expliquer que "everything fell apart after that and they lost" ou "everything came together after that and they won." Je ne suis pas 100% certain mais je pense que je les ai entendus dire, "Le match a basculer autour de ce moment clé." In English, they might have said (but since they're French, they didn't), "The match turned on that play."
Allow me an one last request > Remove "an."
I just noticed one I should have picked up before:
J´irais même jusqu´à Anne Sinclair
"J'irais" should translate as "I would go." Like this:
I would even go as far as Anne Sinclair.
Whoever she is. She must be at one extreme or the other of the spectrum of beautiful fishmongers. I just looked up "harengères" in ATILF. The meaning "fishmonger" appears to be obsolete. The current meaning is, "Femme aux manières et au langage grossiers." In that case, I think maybe "fishmongers" isn't quite the word to use. Perhaps "foul-mouthed beauties" would be better. Other possibilities: crude, low class, badly behaved, ill-mannered, unrefined, boorish. Boorish beauties. Nice alliteration there. But perhaps not the best choice. But I have to say "fishmonger" didn't really tell me anything so maybe something else would be better after all.
Oh yeah. Strauss-Khan. He was with the . . . International Monetary Fund, I think. Sa démission a pavé la voie à Christine Lagarde à lui succéder. Il s'agissait d'une jeune fille dans un hotel, si je me rappele bien.
Oui. C'est enfin fini.
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Please, don't hesitate to make suggestions or corrections.
I thank Grampa Wild Willy for his help and corrections!