Yulia Mihalchik - Косы (English translation)

Proofreading requested
Russian

Косы

Плачет свечка у окна, слёзы проливает,
В сердце девичьем весна тихо умирает.
Не звала и не ждала, так судьба решила,
В моём сердце пламя, а твое остыло.
 
Распустила косы, ноги босы,
По траве по мокрой на реку пойду,
Пусть расскажут слёзы в омуте глубоком
Про мою, про девичью беду.
 
А беда такая, слов таких не знаю,
Что просто птицей белой в небо не взлететь,
Не раскинуть крылья за своим любимым,
Ах, как одиноко на реку глядеть.
 
Распустила косы, ноги босы,
По траве по мокрой на реку пойду,
Пусть расскажут слёзы в омуте глубоком
Про мою, про девичью беду.
 
По течению бежит тихо речка
И венок ромашек на волнах её,
Вряд ли остановится девичье сердечко,
А ещё сильнее разожгу огонь.
 
Распустила косы, ноги босы,
По траве по мокрой на реку пойду,
Пусть расскажут слёзы в омуте глубоком
Про мою, про девичью беду.
 
Распустила косы, ноги босы,
По траве по мокрой на реку пойду,
Пусть расскажут слёзы в омуте глубоком
Про мою, про девичью беду.
Про мою, про девичью беду.
 
Submitted by Eagles Hunter on Wed, 22/03/2017 - 12:40
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English translation

Braids

The candle near the window is crying pouring down tears
In the girly heart spring is quietly dying
Neither was I calling, nor was waiting. It happened as Fate decided
There is a flame in my heart, but yours cooled
 
I unbraided my braids, barefooted,
over the wet grass, to the river I'll go
Let tears tell in the very deep
about mine, about maiden misery of mine
 
And what a misery, such words I don't know
That I can't, as a white bird can, fly up to the sky,
can't spread wings after whom I loved
Ah! How lonely is it to gaze on the river
 
I unbraided my braids, barefooted,
over the wet grass, to the river I'll go
Let tears tell in the very deep
about mine, about maiden misery of mine
 
With the current quietly runs the stream
With a wreath of chamomile on its waves
Unlikely that this virgin young heart will stop
Rather, I will raise the fire even stronger
 
I unbraided my braids, barefooted,
over the wet grass, to the river I'll go
Let tears tell in the very deep
about mine, about maiden misery of mine
 
I unbraided my braids, barefooted,
over the wet grass, to the river I'll go
Let tears tell in the very deep
about mine, about maiden misery of mine
about mine, about maiden misery of mine
 
Submitted by Eagles Hunter on Wed, 22/03/2017 - 16:16
Author's comments:

Please, If you have any corrections, let me know please.
All your suggestions are always welcomed Regular smile

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
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Comments
Pavlova    Wed, 22/03/2017 - 22:41

"Flame to be in my heart and yours to be cool" - should be "there is a flame in my heart and yours is cool" or something like that.

"...about girly misery of mine" - "maiden" would be better.

"That white bird just can't fly to the sky, can't spread its wings after whom it loved" - she is comparing herself to the bird. Like, "I can't, like a white bird, just fly to the sky, I can't spring the wings after whom I loved", etc.

"Ah! How dismal..." - "lonely" would be better.

"Rather, it will rise the fire even stronger" - there is no abstract "it", it is her exactly who promises to rise the fire.

Good luck! Regular smile

Eagles Hunter    Wed, 22/03/2017 - 23:32

Спасибо Regular smile
Да, это очень помогло. Хотя "lonely" Гммм...... не знаю
А в общем, как вам перевод?

Pavlova    Thu, 23/03/2017 - 07:58

Ну в целом хорошо)