In verse 1 and 4 there are some mistakes about the mood of the verbs.
"heißt die Antwort ja" means "if the answer is 'yes'",
"Und wärst du mein Weg zum Glück" means "And if you were my road to happiness".
"Hält dass Feuer uns auch warm wenn es kälter wird
und die Nacht anbricht" means "Will the fire still keep us warm when/if it ("it" doesn't necessarily refer to "the fire") gets colder and night falls"
And here it's "Sehnsucht", not "sich sehen", and "lassen" has a different meaning:
"gibt es Ewigkeit die uns Sehnsucht lässt"
Is there (an) eternity that leaves/spares (any) yearning/longing for us"
(the German line is a bit strange but I guess that this is what is meant)
"lässt mich nie allein?"
means
"won't you ever leave me alone?"
(your translation has a similiar meaning, though)
"Denkst du grade jetzt an mich"
-> "Even now, do you think of me?"
Why "even"? I'd leave it more literal: "Do you think of me in this very moment"
But perhaps your translation is more English.
"Tell (me), are you there?"
Does that mean the same as "Tell me, do you exist"? THen it's right.
"Work hard in silence, let your success be your noise!"