Jacques Prévert - Fiesta (English translation)

Proofreading requested
French

Fiesta

Et les verres étaient vides
Et la bouteille brisée
Et le lit était grand ouvert
Et la porte fermée
Et toutes les étoiles de verre
Du bonheur et de la beauté
Resplendissaient dans la poussière
De la chambre mal balayée
Et j’étais ivre mort
Et j’étais feu de joie
Et toi ivre vivante
Toute nue dans mes bras
 
Submitted by veterisflammae on Tue, 23/08/2016 - 20:45
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English translation

Fiesta

So the glasses were empty
and the bottle broken
And the bed was wide open
and the door closed
And all of the glass stars
of happiness and beauty
were sparkling in the dust
of the poorly dusted room.
And I was dead drunk
And I was a bonfire
And you were alive, drunk,
all naked in my arms.
 
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Submitted by petit élève on Wed, 19/10/2016 - 09:17
Author's comments:

We need more guys like him, really.

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Comments
Gavier    Wed, 19/10/2016 - 15:47

So I would guess "ivre vivante" is a play with "ivre morte" (dead drunk)? It might sound a little more natural as "alive drunk" but it's a close call.

Oh - you need to use another "U" in the last "you". ;-)

petit élève    Wed, 19/10/2016 - 15:54

"ivre vivante" sounds definetly odd in French too, so I wonder if it's better to keep the oddity in English or polish it away
("alive and drunk" or something). What do you think?

Gavier    Wed, 19/10/2016 - 16:07

I think it's the "living" that bothers me as it sounds a little like she had made her home there - (living as the present continuous rather than an adjective) - hence my preference for "alive". I think it's ok with or without the "and" - it probably sounds equally strange in both languages.

petit élève    Wed, 19/10/2016 - 16:28

I settled for "alive", with a pair of commas to soften it a bit.