Les Fatals Picards - Gros Con (English translation)

English translation

Complete jerk

When your eyes met
on a June evening
your heart was a dried-up river
and you fell for that bloke
 
whose ears protrude more badly
than a bundle of used wallpapers,
who looks like a buddy of George Clooney's,
handsome only from a safe distance.
 
And so you got his love
and you got pregnant too.
Even before you got happy,
your hopes were already smashed.
 
That's how he is, your complete jerk,
a bit of a punk, a bit of a drunk,
and when your complete jerk comes home,
he tells you after a good beating
that you got what you deserved
 
A hail of slaps in the face
He's in favor of political hegemony1
He loves shagging you
just as much as beating you2
 
Even if you tell your friends
you just fell down the stairs,
the bruises on your heart get them worried,
especially since you live on first floor.
 
They would like you to file a complaint,
now you've got your complete jerk under your skin,
so you keep getting banged into doorframes,
while you swallow your tears.
 
That's how he is, your complete jerk,
a bit of a punk, a bit of a drunk,
and when your complete jerk comes home,
he tells you after a good beating
that you got what you deserved
 
I would like to see you bail,
you could send me a postcard
from a nice hotel on a beach
saying you're happy and mostly alive,
 
your heart is not a dried-up river anymore
and you even fell for a guy
who doesn't hit you, except
with the love he felt for you from the day
 
you left your complete jerk,
this bit of a punk, this bit of a drunk,
and pondering about his life
you are quite certain
that he got what he deserved.
 
  • 1. There is a running argument in France about prohibiting multiple elective mandates, called "cumul des mandats". The pun uses "cumul des mandales", something like "multiplying punches in the face"
  • 2. lit. "he loves you just as much for your ass as for your loving bruises", with a pun on "atomes crochus" (atoms with hooks), an expression meaning reciprocal attraction, and "hématome" (bruise)
Do whatever you want with my translations. I'm not rich enough to sue you anyway.
Submitted by petit élève on Mon, 10/04/2017 - 07:24
Added in reply to request by opulence
Idioms from "Gros Con"
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