Lapiz Conciente - Intimidad (English translation)

Proofreading requested
English translation

Intimacy

There is nothing better than having you here
you hug me when I am cold
You know that I want to eat you
And I thank God that I do it
because you are mine
 
you in intimacy, I in intimacy
We are like wild beasts
You in intimacy, in intimacy
I want more
I want more
 
Your mouth belongs to me since dawn
And your heart obeys only mine
And it seems to me, that you miss me sometimes
I am vital to you like water for the fishes
Because I am the sea on which you sail
The abyss to which you throw yourself blindly
I am the child you play with
Where you can not go, with me you arrive
You are my sweet princess, daughter of promise
The one who kisses me from head to toe
Strawberry-flavored honey lips
The only one on earth that interests me
And I can not pretend to love you too much
And I also want more when we do it
 
And when you touch me
My mouth is watering
I go crazy and I do not know how to react
When we are in bed, you know that I do not lie to you
He is my black man that is why I keep him
I'm going to make you happy
You for me, me for you
We live a romantic film that leads me to ecstasy
He knows my chemistry and poetics to drive me crazy like that
 
Submitted by ralf_hoeller on Tue, 24/10/2017 - 11:10
Added in reply to request by bellavoz
Last edited by ralf_hoeller on Fri, 27/10/2017 - 19:47
Author's comments:

English isn't my mother tongue, so maybe it sounds weird? Please let me know where I should fix it to make it sound more elegant .....

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Idioms from "Intimidad"
See also
Comments
roster 31    Fri, 27/10/2017 - 18:34

I was about to make some corrections in the original lyrics but, when I listened to the video, I realized this is the way these people speak, and I didn't touch it.

You have handle well most of these problems, but there is something about interpretation I want to point out:
1. First stanza, second verse - "Me abraza cuando yo siento frío" --> " you hug me when I am cold". (The original should say "abrazas").
2. Second stanza, first verse - "Tú en la intimidad, yo en la intimidad" --> "you in intimacy, I in intimacy". You don't need "are" = "you and I in (the) intimacy are like..."'
The stanza continues with a repetition:
You, you in intimacy...
I, I..."
3. "Where you can not go with me, you arrive". In this verse, change the comma --> "Where you can not go, with me you arrive".
4. "And I also want more than we do" --> "And I also want more when we do it".
5. "... that is why I keep it" --> " that is why I keep him".

There is, in the original, a change from the "tú" to "usted" form not very clear to me. I think it is because the spoken words are said by a different person. I don't know if this is clear in your translation ("te", "le", etc. ?)

Do your best.

ralf_hoeller    Fri, 27/10/2017 - 19:49

thank you very much! this "i in intimacy" sounds wrong to me ... how about: "me in intimacy"?

roster 31    Fri, 27/10/2017 - 20:34

If you prefer it. I left "I" because that was what you had, (Still, I think 'I'
is grammatically correct And you don't need "We", the subject is already there).

roster 31    Fri, 27/10/2017 - 22:25

I forgot something: The plural of "fish" is "fish", no change.