Jacques Brel - Je t'aime (English translation)

Proofreading requested
French

Je t'aime

Pour la rosée qui tremble au calice des fleurs
De n'être pas aimée et ressemble à ton coeur
Je t'aime
Pour le noir de la pluie au clavecin de l'étang
Jouant page de lune et ressemble à ton chant
Je t'aime
Pour l'aube qui balance sur le fil d'horizon
Lumineuse et fragile et ressemble à ton front
Je t'aime
À l'aurore légère qu'un oiseau fait frémir
En la battant de l'aile et ressembles à ton rire
Je t'aime
Pour le jour qui se lève et dentelles de bois
Au point de la lumière et ressemble à ta joie
Je t'aime
Pour le jour qui revient d'une nuit sans amour
Et ressemble déjà, ressemble à ton retour
Je t'aime
Pour la porte qui s'ouvre pour le cri qui jaillit
Ensemble de deux coeurs et ressemble à ce cri
Je t'aime... Je t'aime, je t'aime
 
Submitted by EddieA on Mon, 02/10/2017 - 18:02
Last edited by Joutsenpoika on Fri, 13/10/2017 - 08:20
Align paragraphs
English translation

I love you

For the dew in the flower's chalice, quivering
for lack of love, like your heart does,
I love you.
For the dark rain playing a moonlight score
on the harpsichord of a lake, like your song does,
I love you.
For the dawn that balances on the horizon,
bright and fragile, like your brow is,
I love you.
In the light early hours flustered by a bird
fluttering its wings, like your laughter sounds,
I love you.
For the day that breaks in the laces of woods
through which light shines, like your joy does,
I love you.
For the day that comes back from a loveless night
and already looks like your return will,
I love you.
For the door that opens, for the cry that bursts out
of two hearts as one, like my cry does,
I love you... I love you, I love you.
 
Do whatever you want with my translations. I'm not rich enough to sue you anyway.
Submitted by petit élève on Thu, 12/10/2017 - 13:43
Added in reply to request by EddieA
Author's comments:

Though they certainly match the grandiloquent character of Don Quixote, I find these lyrics a bit over the top.
All these flourishes rather weaken the punch, while Brel was at his best when he used simple yet subtle language, in my opinion.
I tried to adapt the lyrics a bit, a more literal translation would really be too ponderous. Hopefully it's still understandable.

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Comments
nefelibata    Fri, 13/10/2017 - 06:46

Well... I agree with everything, except bringing Don Quixote in. He'd be excellent and most hilarious
at such declarations.

petit élève    Fri, 13/10/2017 - 06:55

Well, what I meant to say was, this kind of grandiloquent speech suits Don Quixote quite well, but I think Brel is not at his best with such over the top lyrics.
That's still very well written, but the punch of Brel's deceptively simple poetry is gone. Just my opinion, of course.

nefelibata    Fri, 13/10/2017 - 06:57

Your opinion is always very interesting to me. I was being playful about the other thing. Regular smile
I was just here to thank you, mostly, in my own sheepish way. Have a great... eh, morning!

nefelibata    Fri, 13/10/2017 - 06:50

And as for you and whether it's understandable, I'm here taking notes so as to learn French from you.
And I suspect you wouldn't post it if it didn't meet your expectations. Regular smile

petit élève    Fri, 13/10/2017 - 07:02

Actually there is this song from "L'homme de la Mancha" that needs a serious overhaul.
For some reason a few lines proved though to crack, and I think the translation is really awkward and heavy at places. If you care to have a look, I'd be grateful for a native opinion.

nefelibata    Fri, 13/10/2017 - 07:03

Sure. I saw that one, but by native opinion I didn't think you meant Spanish. I'll read it again.

petit élève    Fri, 13/10/2017 - 07:06

Oops, sorry. Your English makes me forget it's not your native language. Let's call that a pertinent second opinion, then Regular smile