Joke - The english language

Article about English
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Dedicated to language english

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why the plural of pan is never called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
We can cut air with a knife when out are the knives
then how many a fife is in a bunch of fives

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet the plural of hat would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats and not cose.

So the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but the feminine think, be she, shis and shim.
How can a slim chance and a fat be the same,
while a wise man be great and a wise guy a shame?

War will never but ever determine who's right
it will only determine who's left at the fight
Speaking english is fun and the people so swell
having noses that run and feet that can smell
hope you liked the pun and your heart didn't swell

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Comments
sydrhill     August 3rd, 2012

That is freaking GENIOUS!! I'm a native English speaker and I have to say that every bit of this is a hilarious and what an amazing observation!! Thanks for sharing it Laughing out loud

evfokas     August 5th, 2012

Not my observations but glad you liked it. Here's a more poetic follow up