A Sea of Love

Russian

(More lyubvi) Море любви

Он стал моим наваждением,
Тенью в каждом моём сновидении,
В каждом зеркале отражением,
Самым тайным моим откровением,
Он оставил меня в невесомости,
Вне запретов, табу и условностей,
Разнёс вдребезги купол скромности
И загладил в душе все неровности,
Ободок кольца нежеланного,
Вокруг пальца его безымянного -
Символ нашего родства странного,
Греха главного, первозданного.

Припев:

Ведь я – неверная жена, а он неверный муж,
Грязь нашего вранья не смоет тёплый душ,
И, как всегда, с утра нести мы будем чушь,
Чтобы укрыть от всех единство наших душ.

Тот, что дома ждёт – он другой совсем,
Он уже не лекарство от всех проблем,
Он уже не решение всех дилемм,
Но он дорог мне стал со временем,
Жаль, в груди моей нету двух сердец,
Жаль, меня не заменит сестра-близнец,
Я уже не могу быть рабой колец,
И не в силах всему положить конец.

Припев

Всех нежней буду с мужем я в эту ночь,
Как жена, как мать, как сестра, как дочь,
Растворюсь в нём, как в озере тёплый дождь,
И душа его птицей умчится прочь
Ну а тот, кто мою жизнь зажёг огнём,
Перестанет дышать тёплым ясным днём,
Вслед за ним полечу туда, где вдвоём,
Мы сольёмся с ним, как река с ручьём…

See video
Try to align
English

A Sea of Love

He's become my obsession,
A shadow in every dream of mine,
A reflection in every mirror,
My most sacred revelation
He's left me in weightlessness
Free from bans, taboos and conventions,
Smashed the modesty cupola into pieces,
And pressed all the creases of my soul
The rim of the unwanted signet
Around his ring finger
Is the symbol of our odd kinship,
The fundamental, primordial sin

Chorus:

'Cause I'm an unfaithful wife, and he's an unfaithful husband
The dirt of our lies won't be washed away by a warm shower
And as usual, in the morning we'll be bluffing,
Trying to dissolve our bonds in water

And the one at home - he is completely different
He is no more a remedy for all the problems,
He is no more a solution of all the dilemmas,
But in time, he's become dear to me
Too bad, that I don't have two hearts in my chest,
Too bad, that a twin sister won't replace me
I cannot be a slave of rings anymore,
And powerless to put an end to everything

Chorus

Tonight, with my husband I'll be the most tender,
As a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter
I'll dissolve in him like a warm rain in a lake,
And his soul will soar forth
And the one, who set my soul on fire
Will stop breathing on a warm serene day
I'll fly after him to a place, where I can
Merge into him like a stream into a river

Submitted by Lemoncholic on Thu, 30/08/2012 - 17:25
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Comments
    August 30th, 2012

I quite like this song. The hypnotic rythm, the voice of the singer, they create a strong atmosphere.

You know all the respect I have for your skill as a translator, so please take all this as mere suggestions. As always I'm as likely to stand corrected if my assumtions were wrong.

in zero gravity -> sounds a bit flat compared to the general style. Why not use "weightlessness" ?

Beyond bans... -> "Free from..." to match the idea of weightlessness? (like независя от...)
условностей -> more like "(social) conventions" I would think

Smashed the modesty cupola into pieces -> smashed the cupola of my modesty to pieces ?
And pressed all the creases of my soul -> ironed all the creases out of my soul ?

Round his ring finger -> more like "around" ? I did look up and never saw "round" used for poetic effect in that context. I suppose you could write it as " 'round", though.

Греха главного, первозданного -> just a wild guess, but I would have thought of "fundamental, primordial", with "главный" as "main, principal"

and he - an unfaithful... -> why not just "he's an..."? '-' is seldom used in English, and the construction of the sentence is enough to mark the opposition I think.

by the warm shower -> I assume it's a metaphor for spending the night together? Still I hesitate to propose "a warm shover". Leaves more freedom to the reader, I think.

the unity of our souls -> I agree that's what the Russian says, but it sounds a bit strange. Taking the previous idiom in a more litteral sense it could be "we will cover ourselves with garbage to hide our true selves" or something like that. Maybe worth straying a bit from the Russian. What do you think ?

Тот, что дома ждёт – он другой совсем -> "the person awaiting at home has changed completely" ? I assume "completely different" implies "from what he used to be", as shown in the next lines. Putting the idea of change here would allow to lighten the two next lines.
He isn't a remedy for all the problems anymore -> He is no more a remedy for...
He isn't the solution of all the dilemmas anymore -> idem

But with the lapse of time -> just "in time" would do, I think (like in "in time I got used to it")

Жаль, в груди моей нету двух сердец-> I would rather have used "too bad..." or "I wish I had two hearts.../I wish my twin sister.." if straying from the Russian was a definite option Smile.

Я уже не могу быть рабой колец -> maybe "already" for "уже" ? "now" is a bit ambiguous here, I think.

И не в силах всему положить конец -> and not strong enough to end it all ?

I'll be the tenderest -> I will be most tender ?

lake a warm rain in a lake -> funny typo Smile maybe "into a lake" ?

on find wings -> ??? a typo ?
Something like "his soul will soar forth" could get rid of this annoying bird completely, I think.

Перестанет дышать тёплым ясным днём -> I think translating the exact meaning loses some of its strenght. As I understand it, it's more like "he set my soul on fire and continue living in peace like he did not notice what he has done to me, now I will make him understand what it feels like". Now the trick is to convey that idea in a bit less words Smile.

The final image is really hard to translate, I think. There is a kind of crooked symetry in it. They will merge, but it's her who will do the merging. Like a quick stream merging into a lazy river, to match the idea of the guy unaware of the impact he has on his wife.

Lemoncholic     August 30th, 2012

Wow, that's huge. Let's see what we can do.

>Why not use "weightlessness" ?

I struggled with this one. For some reasone, I thought that "weightlessness" and "zero-g" are not that synonymous, and put the second. Thanks for clearing that; edited.

> Free from..." to match the idea of weightlessness? (like независя от...)
условностей -> more like "(social) conventions" I would think

Sounds better, I agree.

>Smashed the modesty cupola into pieces -> smashed the cupola of my modesty to pieces ?
And pressed all the creases of my soul -> ironed all the creases out of my soul ?

I would like to leave "Smashed the modesty cupola into pieces" in peace for some eccentric translator's reasons, I just seem to like the phrase too much. Smile Now with the soul ironing. Two variants are possible, as my dictionary says: "iron in the crease" or "press the crease".

>Греха главного, первозданного -> just a wild guess, but I would have thought of "fundamental, primordial", with "главный" as "main, principal"

Agreed.

> and he - an unfaithful... -> why not just "he's an..."? '-' is seldom used in English, and the construction of the sentence is enough to mark the opposition I think.

And with this one too. My punctuation is pretty poor.

> the warm shower -> I assume it's a metaphor for spending the night together? Still I hesitate to propose "a warm shover". Leaves more freedom to the reader, I think.

Let it be "a".

>"we will cover ourselves with garbage to hide our true selves" or something like that. Maybe worth straying a bit from the Russian. What do you think ?

Still weird, even in English. How about something like "bond"? Like, "trying to drown our bonds in warm water"?

> I assume "completely different" implies "from what he used to be", as shown in the next lines. Putting the idea of change here would allow to lighten the two next lines.

...or completely different from her lover. I still think that the song is about mere infidelity. A woman falls in love madly with someone, but the years spent with her husband press her, and she becomes torn between two men.

> Я уже не могу быть рабой колец -> maybe "already" for "уже" ? "now" is a bit ambiguous here, I think.

I've had some thoughts about it, and decided to put "anymore".

>И не в силах всему положить конец -> and not strong enough to end it all ?
Synonymous here, I think: "Бессильна положить этому конец".

> I'll be the tenderest -> I will be most tender ?

More poetic, I agree.

>As I understand it, it's more like "he set my soul on fire and continue living in peace like he did not notice what he has done to me, now I will make him understand what it feels like". Now the trick is to convey that idea in a bit less words

Меня терзают смутные сомнения. (с) Maybe it's about her lover on the outside leaving her someday, but it's even worse than endlessly choosing between him and the husband.

>The final image is really hard to translate, I think. There is a kind of crooked symetry in it. They will merge, but it's her who will do the merging. Like a quick stream merging into a lazy river, to match the idea of the guy unaware of the impact he has on his wife.

Yes, she is the one merging into. Big smile

Thanks for all the suggestions, the typos are gone.

    August 30th, 2012

trying to drown our bonds in warm water -> yep. I like the idea, but a bond would rather be melted/dissolved than drowned, to keep the metaphor more consistent. To hell with accuracy, that's the spirit that counts Smile.

Меня терзают смутные сомнения -> happens to me all the time. Please don't sue me for copyright infringement Smile
Sure, this was just my interpretation. Yours makes perfect sense, and as a native you have a feel for what is implied by the lyrics that i'm lacking.

Glad of having been of some help. And so much the better for my Russian too Smile.

edit: where I can / Can merge into him -> one "can" too many

Lemoncholic     August 31st, 2012

> Please don't sue me for copyright infringement

I won't.

> one "can" too many

Was it the can-can on my mind? Big smile Fixed that.

    August 31st, 2012

Be careful, next thing you know, you're on the stage of the Moulin Rouge in front of rows of fat Japanese and German tourists.

Lemoncholic     August 31st, 2012

And this is clearly not "El Tango De Roxanne". Big smile