Yaroslav Sokolikov - Okean (English translation)

Russian

Okean

О тебе мне тихо шепчет ветер.
О тебе мечтаю каждый вечер.
О тебе поют моря и горы.
О тебе все разговоры, о тебе.
 
Без тебя на сердце грустно очень.
Без тебя страдаю дни и ночи.
Без тебя мне не хватает света.
Без тебя грустит планета, без тебя.
 
Ты - вечная тайна.
Ты - жизни начало.
Ты - мой океан и моя душа.
Я - миг во вселенной.
Все в жизни мгновенно.
Ты - вечная тайна.
Ты - мой океан.
 
На Земле спешат куда-то люди.
Было так. Наверно, так и будет.
Что сказать на это - я не знаю.
Вдаль бежать - зачем не понимаю я.
 
Ураган стучит в шальное сердце.
Холода... И негде нам согреться.
А душа летает в поднебесье.
Хороша, как эта песня о тебе.
 
Ты - вечная тайна.
Ты - жизни начало.
Ты - мой океан и моя душа.
 
Ты - мой океан.
 
Submitted by Олег Л. on Sun, 27/08/2017 - 14:55
Align paragraphs
English translation

Ocean.

Versions: #1#2
About you quietly whisper the wind.
About you every evening I dream.
About you sing the mountains and the sea.
About you all the words I speak, about you.
 
Without you the heart is not a happy place.
Without you I suffer nights and days.
Without you the light is so bad.
Without you the planet feeling so sad, without you.
 
You are eternal mystery.
You are the beginning of life.
You are my ocean, my soul.
I'm a moment in the Universe.
Everything in life is instantaneous.
You are eternal mystery.
You are my ocean.
 
People are rushing somewhere on Earth.
It was like this. It'll be like this, of course.
What to say to that, I don't know in the end.
To run into the distance. Why? I don't understand.
 
The hurricane knocks at my unruly heart.
Cold... And nowhere to warm up.
And the soul is flying to the sky-dome.
Beautiful, like about you, this song.
 
You are eternal mystery.
You are the beginning of life.
You are my ocean, my soul.
 
You are my ocean.
 
Submitted by Kashtanka1965 on Fri, 08/09/2017 - 07:27
Last edited by Kashtanka1965 on Sun, 10/09/2017 - 22:48
Author's comments:

Just a few minor adjustments make the song to flow better. Some phrases are too dry for a song.
Please, don't forget to mention my name, when using this translation for any reason.
Thank you,
Anatoli Trojanowski.

Idioms from "Okean"
Comments
Олег Л.    Sun, 10/09/2017 - 16:22

Анатолий, извините, но я попросил англичанина, владеющего русским, прокомментировать Ваш перевод. Я не хочу Вас обидеть. Я просто надеюсь, что это поможет Вам в дальнейших переводах. Вот что он мне сказал:

"Objective comparisons: word order in English is much stricter than in Russian, because often it's essential to the meaning. The "poetic" word order doesn't always work, the meaning is sometimes obscured.
In Russian the dash - stands for the verb "to be". We can't use the dash like this in English. Some of the lines where he uses the Russian dash look bizarre in English. I'm - a moment .

There are some problems of article use: you can't say "hurricane", it must be "a" or "the" hurricane. "Hurricane knocks at my unruly heart" is odd.
"It was like this. It'll be like this, of course.  (Было так. Наверно, так и будет)
What to say to that- I don't know in the end.
To run into the distance- why, I don't understand."
These lines don't work well. They don't convey the meaning.
There is a lot more that could be said. His translation certainly does have some nice touches, but if a native speaker was asked to check his version, there would have to be some changes. In my opinion some of the lines do not convey (to the non-Russian speaker) what the Russian means".

Kashtanka1965    Sun, 10/09/2017 - 23:03

Maybe you are right and my grammar not up to scratch. I can always correct my mistakes and get better at it. For me, most important is the melody and flow of the song. What good does the grammatically perfect translation, if you can't sing the song and just reading it like a dry text. Then it wouldn't be a song, isn't it?
Thank you for your help. I will certainly correct my mistakes, that's what human beings do.