Saúl Martínez García - Otoños en Flor (Italian translation)

Proofreading requested
Spanish

Otoños en Flor

Soñé, soñé con una linda canción
canción que fuera rosa fugaz
fugaz como un suspiro de amor.
 
Amor, amor que siento sólo por ti
por ti que inspiras este cantar
cantar que añora un soñado abril.
 
Soñé, soñé con una linda canción
canción que fuera rosa fugaz
fugaz como un suspiro de amor.
 
Amor, amor que siento sólo por ti
por ti que inspiras este cantar
cantar que añora un soñado abril.
 
Quiero de tus labios la sonrisa
para darle ritmo a mi canción,
y la luz de luna en tus pupilas.
para platear otoños en flor.
 
Regálame la grana de tus besos
en las tonalidades de tu amor
mira, mira cómo tiemblo
tiemblo si pretendo vivir tu canción.
 
Siente, siente que suspiro,
suspiro si miro tu...tu belleza en flor.
 
Submitted by phantasmagoria on Mon, 06/06/2016 - 18:25
Last edited by phantasmagoria on Wed, 08/06/2016 - 02:29
Submitter's comments:

The video shows the version sung by Saul Martinez, Chalin Cámara, & Armando Vargas dedicated to Guty in 1/3 albums released. Written by Ermilo “Chispas” Padrón.

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Italian translation

Autunno in fiore

Sognai, sognai una dolce canzone,
canzone che fu rosa fugace
fugace come un sospiro d'amore.
 
Amore, amore che sento solo per te,
per te che ispiri questo canto,
canto che brama un sognato aprile.
 
Sognai, sognai una dolce canzone,
canzone che fu rosa fugace
fugace come un sospiro d'amore.
 
Amore, amore che sento solo per te,
per te che ispiri questo canto,
canto che brama un sognato aprile.
 
Voglio il sorriso delle tue labbra
per dare ritmo alla mia canzone,
ed il chiaro di luna negli occhi tuoi
per inargentare autunni in fiore.
 
Regalami il rosso scarlatto dei tuoi baci
nelle sfumature del tuo amore,
guarda, guarda come tremo,
tremo quando aspiro a vivere la tua canzone.
 
Senti, senti che sospiro,
sospiro se guardo la tua..la tua bellezza in fiore.
 
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Submitted by michealt on Mon, 13/06/2016 - 00:17
Added in reply to request by phantasmagoria
Last edited by michealt on Mon, 20/03/2017 - 12:00
The author of translation requested proofreading.
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Please help to translate "Otoños en Flor"
Comments
Hampsicora    Sun, 19/03/2017 - 19:51

Hi Tom, your translation is great, I would suggest just some small changes:

de amor > d’amore
este cantar, cantar que > questo canto, canto che
platear > placcare d’argento (better: inargentare)
la grana > lo scarlatto
(actually “scarlatto” is an adjective, rarely used as a noun; you should better say “il rosso” or “il rosso scarlatto”)
en las tonalidades > nelle tonalità /sfumature / gradazioni
(“schema” is not the proper word, but if you were to use it you should write “nello schema”)
si miro > se guardo

All the rest is fine.

michealt    Mon, 20/03/2017 - 12:12

Thanks Marco.

All your comments are useful, as always. But especially I hope I'll remember "sfumature" as it seems a useful word to use for "shades"; ("gradazioni" sounds too much like English "gradations" and I would feel as if I had to follow it with "degli colori" or whatever). And remember that scarlatto is much more adjective than noun.

Hampsicora    Mon, 20/03/2017 - 20:33

You're welcome, and thanks for appreciating my comments.

I’d like to give you an additional suggestion about masculine articles, it’s a tricky matter in Italian but a simple outline might help you:
Singular: l’ before a vowel – lo before s+consonant – il in any other case
Plural: gli before a vowel – gli before s+consonant – i in any other case

This also applies to articulated prepositions:
nell’altro – allo stesso – col colore
sugli altri – dagli stessi – dei colori