Otep - Unveiled (French translation)

French translation

Dévoilé

Isis, Ishtar, Hécate, Kali
Isis, Ishtar, Hécate, Kali
Isis, Ishtar, Hécate, Kali
Isis, Ishtar, Hécate, venez à moi
 
J’affûte mon auréole en cornes
Je sanctifie les pages des protocoles de guerre
J’ai aboli votre mythologie et vaincu tous vos dieux
J’ai libéré vos femmes et éradiqué vos lois
 
J’ai mis des livres au temple pour annihiler le mensonge
J’ai brisé les os de Kronos pour restaurer ce qui était à moi
Faite de flamme, faite de boue, je suis le plusieurs, je suis l’unique
 
Tous les enfants chantent en chœur
Rendons grâce à Dieu pour la bombe atomique
Rendons grâce à Dieu pour la bombe atomique
 
Isis, Ishtar, Hécate, Kali
 
Je me suis enfoncé une écharde dans le doigt pour avoir porté la croix
Je dors sur des draps de soufre et je rêve de tout ce qu’on a perdu
Je parcours des mers de fer en chantant des chansons immondes
Pour hypnotiser et défier les dieux solitaires affamés de sexe
 
Je suis la femme vêtue de soleil, la lune sous mes pieds
Je suis la lance argente d’Athéna, la langue de Kali
Faite de flamme, faite de boue, je suis le plusieurs, je suis l’unique
 
Tous les enfants chantent en chœur
Rendons grâce à Dieu pour la bombe atomique
Rendons grâce à Dieu pour la bombe atomique
 
Démon, fille, monstre, putain
Obéis comme un bon petit esclave
 
Tu ferais mieux de bien te comporter et de faire attention à ce que tu dis, c'est moi le patron
Vous pouvez me casser les os avec des pierres pointues mais je n’obéirai jamais
 
Étalon impuissant, leader flasque
Terre et serpents, feux et séismes
Ce qui fut perdu autrefois sera remplacé
 
Tout ce qui était, tout ce qui est, tout ce qui sera
Tout ce qui était, tout ce qui est, tout ce qui sera
Tout ce qui était, tout ce qui est, tout ce qui sera
 
Enlevez le voile, enlevez le voile, enlevez le voile
 
Submitted by tdwarms on Wed, 01/11/2017 - 21:03
Author's comments:

This was a rather complex translation; consider it provisional until it's been proofread by native speakers.

English

Unveiled

More translations of "Unveiled"
Frenchtdwarms
Otep: Top 3
See also
Comments
petit élève    Wed, 01/11/2017 - 22:40

Wow, that's a though nut to crack, and not easy on the ears either Regular smile

forest horns -> I'm not familiar with the expression in English, but apparently that designates horns of wild animals. Since the metaphor is obviously about turning an angel into a demon, I'd rather simply say "cornes", that would be immediately understandable.

ta mythologie -> "vous" seems to fit better for the whole song. It's Miss Atomic Bomb speaking to mankind, after all Regular smile

fracturé les os -> "fracturer" would rather be used for locks or doors, except in a technical context (medical). "brisé" is more idiomatic here.

le plusieurs, je suis l’une -> la multitude, l'unique
"l'une" would be understood as an unfinished statement, meaning "one thing among a set" (choisis l'une des solutions possibles)

Grâce à Dieu -> unfortunately the expression is already used in the "luckily" sense ("grâce à dieu tu es sain et sauf"), with "grâce à" meaning "thanks to...[because of]". It would not fit that well here.
"Dieu soit loué pour..." or "Rendons grâce à Dieu pour..." sounds more appropriate to me, but then again I'm not that familiar with religious speeches Regular smile

enfoncée une écharde -> lol the pesky past participle claims another victim.
The object complement is after the participle, so it won't agree with it: "je me suis enfoncé une écharde". On the other hand, you would write "je me la suis enfoncée" since "la" would stand before the participle Regular smile

pour ayant porté -> 2 problems here:
1) your can either say "pour avoir porté" (because I carried) or "en ayant porté" (while I carried)
2) the tense is slightly off.
The past perfect "en ayant porté" would mean you got the splinter after you were done carrying the cross, while it could only have happened while you were carrying it, so the gerund is in order here : "en portant la croix" ("I got a splinter in my finger while I was carrying the cross").
The past perfect is appropriate for the other variant ("pour avoir porté") because the splinter in the finger is the result of the global action ("having carried the cross, I ended up with a splinter in my finger").
French tenses can be mischievous little devils, can't they? Regular smile

voyage les mers -> "voyager" is not transitive. You could say "je voyage sur les mers", but that would sound a bit like a sightseeing tour Regular smile
"parcourir" (roam) just rolls off the tongue here. Or maybe "écumer", that would evoke pirates, but that's maybe a bit over the top (not a small feat with such grandiloquent lyrics)
les mers -> rather "des mers", because usual seas are rather made of salty water Regular smile
The undefined article is better used to indicate "a kind of": "a kind of sea that would be made of iron"

qui sont affamés de sexe -> syntactically ok, but that sounds a bit like an explanation
"I use to tease the lonely gods. They're sex-starved, you see" Teeth smile
I would drop "qui sont", the effect will be much better.

vêtue avec le soleil -> "vêtue de soleil" is much more usual. You could use more fancy verbs like "drapée" or "nimbée", but that might rather weaken the punch than strenghten it.

Obéis petit esclave modèle -> "modèle" sounds a bit odd for a slave. I mean, even accounting for the Stockholm syndrom, the image of slaves vying to please their master is rather inappropriate Regular smile
I'd rather stay closer to the English and say "Obéis comme un bon petit esclave"

Il te ferait mieux -> the impersonal construct does not work here. Probably because it's too ambiguous with the direct 3rd person (il ferait mieux [de faire qq ch] -> he would better [do something])
so that's just "tu ferais mieux"
The impersonal construct would work with "il te serait plus profitable" or "il te réussirait mieux" for instance, but that sounds really heavy and no native would use that in this context.

de te bien comporter -> only the nobility speaks like that Regular smile "de bien te comporter" is much more usual.

faire attention de ce que tu dises -> *à* ce que tu *dis* (there is no hypothetical context in this proposition, so that's indicative instead of subjunctive)

ownership laws apply -> your translation is blameless, but that just does not sound that good in French. I'd rather adapt it with "c'est moi le patron" or something like that.

You can break my bones with jagged stones -> the gruesome image rather sounds contrieved in French. Or at least it sound contrieved to me, but I'm no big fan of trash metal (or whatever category of metal this song is supposed to belong to). Maybe that will appeal to connoisseurs Regular smile
I would at least change "pierres dentées" (typo on "dentés" btw) with "pierres pointues/acérées" or "lames de silex" (like cavemen weapons).

je n’obtempèrerai jamais -> "obtempérer" is rather used to obey a police officer. That could be ok, but you might consider "obéirai" instead.

Impotent breeder, flaccid leader -> "breeder" has no direct equivalent in French, for all I know, but "hétéro" sure does not work here.
This is basically two ways of saying "impotent male/leader".
I can't really think of something punchy, but maybe "mâle impuissant, leader flasque"?

Ce qui était autrefois perdu -> again the tense is slightly off. That would mean "what used to be lost" or something (the imparfait is akin to progressive in that case). Rather "ce qui fut perdu autrefois" or "ce qui a été perdu autrefois" (the passé simple sounds a bit more literary, the passé composé more casual, but the meaning is the same).

tdwarms    Wed, 01/11/2017 - 23:07

I’m having flashbacks of my French professors now. Regular smile Thanks so much for the help! I feel that the original lyrics are complicated enough that even a native English speaker would have to concentrate to really understand her meaning.

Regarding the use of “vous” versus “tu,” I thought for a while about that. It seemed to me that she was addressing the person listening. On the other hand, I completely missed the thought that she was speaking as a personification of the atomic bomb. That certainly changes my perspective and makes a lot of sense. I’m starting to think that you understand English better than I do. How do you speak it so well? I’m amazed.

Kicking myself over the damned past participle! I’ll get it one day, I promise! Regular smile

Regarding “breeder:” It’s gay (pejorative) slang used to refer to heterosexuals. The singer is lesbian, so I thought I’d go with it. Do you think I should change it?

Thanks so much for taking the time to proofread and comment on this! I know it probably took you a while to muddle through my errors. I think I have a bit to go before I should translate into French. You’re very helpful and it’s very much appreciated! Regular smile

petit élève    Thu, 02/11/2017 - 05:00

English is just my violon d'Ingres. To say it in a few short words, I mostly learned it for fun, and since I don't react well to pressure, this free learning worked a lot better than school for my Russian and my German Regular smile
I also spent 9 months in the UK on a job, that certainly helped a lot.
Imagine the fun of being able to chat with billions of people for a chatterbox like me. What more incentive would I need?

Thinking of this Mrs Atom Bomb, that's just an interpretation. That could also be the atom bomb as a metaphor for science/rationality going awry or something. I just had the impression it was a kind of powerful entity or deity or personified concept addressing humanity rather than just a girl speaking to a guy.

Don't get too much worked up about this silly participle, many natives can't wrap their head around it either Regular smile
The trick my good old schoolteacher gave me is as follows: when you encounter the participle, make a pause in your head and ask yourself: "qui?quoi?" (what is this thing we're talking about?). If you can answer the question, it means you've already read the complement, so you can make the participle agree with it. If not, just leave the participle alone (it has nothing to agree with anyway Regular smile ).
Really simple once you get used to it.
The subtelty is to recognize where the bloody direct object complement is. It can be hidden in the single letter of one of these tiny French pronouns (J'ai [qui?quoi? -> je sais pas -> "vu"] vu Anne, je l'ai[qui?quoi? -> l' -> Anne -> c'est une fille -> "vue"] vue)
And also make sure you don't confuse direct and indirect complements : in "je le lui ai dit", "dit" will agree with "le" (c'est une bonne nouvelle, je *la* lui ai *dite*)
A second trick that works well for natives is to replace the verb with one ending in "ir(e)" (the 2nd group), because you can "hear" the feminine (pris/prise for instance). Of course for a non-native that's of limited use, unless you have a lot of practice with spoken French and start to get a feel for the language.

"mâle" is also something rather derogatory for a man (a bit like "male chauvinist"), but "hétéro" is not an insult, unless you add something, like "espèce de sale hétéro". As I said, I don't think we have a direct equivalent for "breeder" as "naughty heterosexual". Maybe there are specialized slang words for that in French, but I can't think of any at the moment.
With a bit of stretch you could use "étalon" (stallion), that would reduce a man to a rather dumb male animal, somewhat more derogatory than just "mâle". "étalon impuissant" does not sound too bad.

tdwarms    Thu, 02/11/2017 - 05:49

Well, it seems I need to bake you a cake as well as a batch of cookies.

I understand learning a language for fun, but I'm just so impressed. I would not mind having results like yours, that's for sure. Regular smile

I like the Miss Atom Bomb interpretation because it fits so well with the song. As you point out, it's not just a weapon but also an achievement of science. Or at least, science perverted for unethical purposes. But it works so well with this song!

I'll take your tips to heart! It's really in writing that the problem shows most, because it's not usually as noticeable in spoken French. I'll just have to be sure to improve.

"Étalon" is like "stud" in the more derogatory sense of "studding out a horse (for breeding)." I think it works well here, because you're right, hétéro by itself isn't an insult.

Once again, thank you!

petit élève    Thu, 02/11/2017 - 05:59

Give it a few decades and that should work, eventually Regular smile
It took me 20 years or so to feel comfortable with English, and I'm still learning. Not recommended if you're looking for efficiency, but doing things your own sweet way is just priceless. A very rare luxury nowadays, I would say.

tdwarms    Thu, 02/11/2017 - 06:04

Well at least my future will be bright! Regular smile