Don't hasten to lay us to Rest (Ne Speshi ti nas Khoronit')

Большое спасибо, Юлия!
Сейчас позову комментаторов!

Hi Francesca. By special request from Sophia, I came to harry you with my remarks
I'm neither English nor Russian native so my comments can be wrong. Feel free to discard them.

About "holding off" I think there is a difference with "не спеши". I would rather say nothing than a stupid thing, but I propose an alternative : "don't hasten to lay us to rest / shoot us... /...". That sounds OK to me in English and is at least not too far away from "не спеши". Ask a native for the best choice, that's the only advice I can give.

shooting us in our backs -> it seems to me "shoot us in the back" is more usual, but both can be said.

It’s never late to do this -> I think "too late" should be used there

And a vine is lashing -> here I think лоза should be translated as "cane" (some kind of stick). "vine" would be the plant where grapes are growing
I don't really understand the global meaning of this verse. Maybe some image from the Bible ? I can't see the connection with the cane hitting the cheeks and the closed eyes.

Если нам сегодня с тобой не прожить / То кто же завтра полюбит тебя -> as I understand it literally means "if today we are not allowed to continue living (for a little while) away from you / who then will love you (a little bit) tomorrow?". I could not think of a way to stay close to the Russian sentence, but I would propose "if You recall us to Your side today / who will be left on Earth to love you?"

Hi, kuroi_neko!

Your comments are of great use; I've read you remarks to some of Sophia's translations and thought you might be a professional translator.

1. about "не спеши": I though "don't hurry" would be too banal and even wrong, and I guess "hold off" is none the better. May be, just to put it as "WAIT, don't lay us to rest/shoot us in our back, etc???

2. shoot us in the back : my mistake, have corrected it

3. It’s never late to do this - русск. "никогда не поздно" - I've done it just by analogy with "It's never late to learn"

4. vine - initially I had "cane" for "лоза" but then I thought there might be - yes - some Biblical allusion and changed it into "vine" Anyway, I'll try and find it out

As I understand this very verse "закрыть глаза" - "close our eyes" - when a person dies and his eyes are still open, someone usually closes his eyes, thus testifying that the person is dead

"По щекам хлещет лоза, возбуждаясь на наготу" - I by no means see this as a sexual excitement at a naked body. "Nakedness" is more like vulnerability here; the more vulnerable and defenseless a person is, the more the desire to hurt him/her

5. Если нам сегодня с тобой не прожить / То кто же завтра полюбит тебя - Surely, it needs further consideration, "get along" is too colloquial I'll ask Russian speakers about synonyms to "ПРОжить" to find a better English equivalent

You're always welcome with your comments, hope we'll manage something out of this song)))

Thanks for the appreciation .

1) "hasten" is more formal than "hurry" and less often used, that could help avoiding the impression of banality.
"wait, don't..." seems a bit harsh to adress God, but with something added to make it sound milder like "won't you wait...", I guess that could work well.

3) I think the difference is that learning is a continuous process, whereas ending people's lives happens instantly.
For instance you want to buy a car, but if you don't hurry someone else will. You cannot say "it's late to buy this car". Either it's too late or it's not. See what I mean?

4) I have a very limited knowledge of the Bible, so I can't say if there is a scene somewhere that can be compared to what verse 3 describes. By default "cane" remains my best candidate .

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About the image of something hitting the faces, I never thought of something sexual either, despite the use of возбуждать. I think it's more like you said: the vulnerability increasing the cruelty of the tormentor.

Another possible explanation occured to me in the meantime.
In each verse, the people are giving a justification for not dying immediately :
1- our kids would be orphaned (surely you're not that cruel, Lord)
2- you will not have to wait for too long before you can kill us (just the end of the song/dance)
4- if you kill us, nobody will be left to love you
If you read the 3rd verse in that perspective, it gives:
- closing our eyes (in death) is useless, we enjoy darkness already
- we are suffering on Earth (don't think we want to stay here for fun)
Seems reasonably consistent to me

Glad you liked my interpretation. If you want a bit more, in the light of what you just said, I think the song could be adressed to some political ruler (refering to the Stalin era maybe?)

I think we have about the same problem in French with "late", "too late" etc. The English equivalents seemed unnatural to me at first, I had to get used to them (not that I fully am, I still pick the wrong one from time to time).

All these prefixes are really difficult to grasp for a foreigner like me. They have some meaning on their own, but for a given verb they can mean something subtly or completely different. On the other hand they contribute to make Russian a rich and subtle language .

мАл малА мЕньше — one smaller than the other

We have kids at home, one smaller than the other
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А не спеши ты нам в спину стрелять,
А это никогда не поздно успеть.
А лучше дай нам дотанцевать,
А лучше дай нам песню допеть.

Don't you hasten to shoot us in our back,
To do this is never too late.
But better let us finish our song,
But better let us finish our dance.

I swapped "song" and "dance" for better rhythmics.
But how to tackle this: "не поздно успеть"??!!
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А по щекам хлещет лоза,
Возбуждаясь на наготу.

And a cane is lashing (our) cheeks
Impassioned by nakedness.

I think it would be incorrect to use "faces" instead of the original "cheeks", and "their nakedness" instead of "nakedness"
Which one is a better fit??? -> лоза = rod, cane, (розга = birch-rod)
IMHO: I would assume, in modern Russian "лоза" probably primerally is associated with "vine" and only then with "cane\rod", but "lashing" can be only "rod\cane".

For Francesca13 and all:
New Testament - Vine (the true Vine) = Jesus Christ,
Old Testament - Vine, God's vineyard = Israel (people of Israel)
If there is any Biblical connection to the discussed "лоза" they are very indirect, personal and subliminal. And, I would agree, this song may have better refrence if not to the Bible, then to God himself, in his unmerciful manifestation - the unnamed one, addressed as "Ты"/"You".

Anyway, (regardless of God\Fate\unnamed whatever ) this should be translated as:
А не спеши ты ...
Don't you hasten to ...
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А не спеши ты нас не любить,
А не считай победы по дням.
Если нам сегодня с тобой не прожить,
То кто же завтра полюбит тебя.

Don't you hasten not to love us,
Don’t count the victories by the days.
If we don't live out with you today (???)
Then tomorrow who will love you?

live out = прожить,
сегодня = today\now\(nowadays), not only "this day"
завтра = tomorrow (day after today, but also the future)
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And don't get overimpassioned by the God\Bible guesswork

From Arigato - to the community of lovers of non-trivial Russian songs with (attributed to them) multilayered intertwining meanings.

(Well, this applies primarily to Russian native speakers.)
Instead of (or after) guessing what is the meaning and what is the song about, I would just write to the official\inofficial site\fan-forum and read, and ask directly, and discuss.
For example: http://www.chaif.ru/community/forum/
The same applies to all other texts with nonobvious meaning (of different artists.)
And maybe you will even provide these sites (artists) with your translations.

Sorry, I'm short on time and genuine interest to write there myself.

Hi, arigato!

Thank you for your corrections to my translation, for Biblical comments and for the link to the forum. I think it will be very useful as sometimes personally I really labour through the meaning of some songs in Russian.
On the other hand, we all interprete songs according to our age, education, social status, life experience, etc; that's the reason why some songs become our favourites - we just think they are written and sung about us and they fully reveal our emotional state. So, I'm for individual interpretation!

1. "Никогда не поздно успеть" - maybe just to put it as "You'll always have/There will always be (enough) time to do so" - what do you say?

2. one smaller than the other - +
live out - +

just didn't get it about "today" and "tomorrow" - are they OK in this context?

3. If I thought of any Biblical connection, it's about "turning the other cheek" ("Ударившему тебя по щеке подставь и другую") In this case "faces" won't do - I agree with you 100%.

I'm not overimpassioned by hunting for Biblical allusions but I'm sometimes concerned about stylistic matters. I thought about "Don't YOU hasten not to love us" - I even explained it to kuroi_neko that the address to God sounds informal in Russian - but to my appreciation "Don't YOU hasten" sounds TOO informal and even rude (русск. "не смей!"); guess a mother might say this to her child "Don't you speak like that to me, young lady!" - maybe native speakers could help here

Finally, what I did is more like a rough/lineal translation
I'm very grateful for all corrections and allusions but I feel very UNEASY to assign them all to myself
Won't you like to post your own, alternative translation of this song? If not, I'll definitely mention you as well as other commentators in "acknowledgements"

да это не прогресс дошел, это вы тут понты колотите и меряетесь, у кого длиннее... ))))))))))))))))))
я ж посмотрел, скока вы тут каментов исписали - жуть...
нет бы в личку, в скайп, аську, майл-агент пообсуждать тонкости... так нет жеж - надо выложить, штоп все видели, в каких корчах рождаются переводы... )))))))))))

Называется, "хотели как лучше - получилось, как всегда"

Если позволяют возможности ресурса, почему бы и не обсудить? Тем более, что в дискуссии участуют сразу несколько человек и не всегда одновременно. И мы же не футбол обсуждаем

Большинство - переводчики непрофессиональные, просто хотим донести свою интерпретацию и более точно передать все нюансы русской версии, чтобы при этом и иноязычная звучала естественно.

А мне, как даме, если уж чем меряться, то не длинной, а объемом Ну в крайнем случае, количеством звёздочек и тэнков.

Вряд ли те, кому неинтересны "тонкости", станут тратить время на изучение наших "корчей"

Жалко, что я не могу оценить Ваши переводы, так как не владею теми языками - длиннющие комменты писать бы не стала, а на звёздочки разорилась бы точно

arigato дело говорит и Mengli по-своему прав, слишком уж иронично написал

Давайте не будем превращать сайт в поле битвы, я внесла изменения - смотрите, кто что ещё заметит

Напишу КРАТКИЙ коммент, и тогда удалим всю эту "переписку Троцкого с Каутским" как отработанный материал

Инти-инти-интиресно! Вот берегу здоровье, поэтому в меру скромен, но заскоки бывают такие, что будешь пожалеть ся!!! На английский перевести русскоязычному, на мой взгляд, довольно-таки трудно, структура не предложений тому дажи-ть, а богатость нашея до и после. Сделал..., поимел..., и проча вывихи внедряно в русский со английского..., и звучмя на пошлость. Нам, порою, на память о Пушкине и иже. (мой дряны язык не впрочь, им я по эмоциям)... Этим нам страдать! Отдать должное труду, да отлежа боки по диванам. Будьте

My Russian does not allow me to appreciate the details of the translation, but the English is quite pleasant to read and certainly true to the general meaning. A good example of the benefit of cooperative work, I think.
★★★★★