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A deathly tear of sadness

I looked in your phone.
There was an e-mail from Camille
There's an echo inside my head:
this girl is quite charming
 
I didn't erase it,
I waited for you to read it.
And then, I could have a good look at you
as you pictured her voice.
 
She makes the boys cry,
who are mellowed by her.
She makes the boys cry
to whom she dare say no
 
She makes the boys cry
who tell her she's pretty
She makes boys cry
and rightly so.
 
She makes boys cry
She makes boys cry
She makes boys cry
She makes boys cry
and rightly so.
 
Languid and sensual,
with hints of vanilla
she'll bring you to seventh heaven,
there where each star shines.
There where each star shines
Shines
There where each star shines
 
She makes the boys cry,
who tell her she's pretty.
She makes the boys cry
to whom she dare say no
 
She makes the boys cry
who tell her she's pretty
She makes boy cry
and rightly so.
 
She makes the boys cry
She makes the boys cry
She makes the boys cry
because she dare say no.
 
Paroles originales

Larme à gauche

Cliquez pour voir les paroles originales (français)

Vendredi sur Mer: Top 3
Expressions idiomatiques dans « Larme à gauche »
Commentaires
Ivan U7nIvan U7n    Mar, 23/01/2018 - 10:54

Yeah, this makes much more sense than unpublished by me "translation". :)

GavinGavin
   Mar, 23/01/2018 - 11:12

those whom she dares to say no

needs a 'to' in it - either "those whom she dares (to) say no to" or more correctly "those to whom she dares (to) say no"

(although the other 'to' is optional)

I'm curious about the title "larme à gauche" - the left tear? the tear to the left? how does that work out then?
/edit - sorry, I just read your footnote

:)

GavinGavin
   Mar, 23/01/2018 - 11:26

Well your current use of "those who" is fine but you could lose the 'those' etc...

She makes the boys cry,
who are mellowed by her.
She makes the boys cry
to whom she dares say no
She makes the boys cry
who tell her she's pretty

but it is a little ungrammatical, personally I think that's ok in song. But if being strict you could use:

She makes them cry,
The boys who are mellowed by her.
She makes them cry
The boys she dares say no to
etc..

GavinGavin
   Mar, 23/01/2018 - 11:55

I think it's acceptable here because the brain interprets it as "She makes the boys cry, (the boys) who are mellowed by her"

But it would be pushing it a bit in more formal writing. :)

sandringsandring    Mer, 24/01/2018 - 08:25

Quand une personne pleure, si la première larme vient de l'œil droit, ce sera lié à la joie. Si elle vient de l'œil gauche, on parlera de douleur. Si ce sont les deux yeux, alors ce sera de la frustration.

sandringsandring    Mer, 24/01/2018 - 09:20

Hello, guys. I'd call the song "A Bitter Tear" As for grammar it should be either "She dare say no" (as a modal verb) or "She dares to say no" (as a regular one)

And probably I'd say
She drives into tears the boys
Who melt to her :)

GavinGavin
   Jeu, 25/01/2018 - 10:21

Kudos on a very technical point of grammar! :)
You're right but I would add that practically no one but the most pernickety English speaker would notice that. "Dares" sounds fine to most ears. But yeah, good catch!

"Drive to tears" would be an acceptable alternative although I prefer "makes them cry myself" but note that it's drive *to* tears, not into tears.

I'm not quite happy with "mellow" for "s'attendrir" either but couldn't think of anything better...
melt? Maybe... "Who melt *for* her" - that's pretty good"

BratBrat    Jeu, 25/01/2018 - 10:58

Please revise your translation of Line 2 in Stanza 7. She sings "qui lui disent qu'elle est belle" there meaning the boys telling her about her beauty, but you put there the translation of what was sung in the third stanza, namely, the line about the boys melting before her. :)