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A Decade

I am twenty and a bit years old
and crying for the first time, but that's normal.
You aren't here and I've only just gotten used to
growing up with your caresses.
 
At what age do you become
tired, alone and old
when you don't have time
to be young?
 
Ref.
You are my fortune and misfortune/happiness and unhappiness.
But which of these two (feelings) is a minute older than the other?
In the beginning and the end there is you,
but in the pause in between there is one whole decade.
 
I avoid listening to my voice,
because it sounds like a scream.
It frightens me and arouses suspicion
but that is normal.
 
I avoid my face
in old photos.
That woman who is smiling,
I don't know who she is.
 
At what age do you become
tired, alone and old
when you don't have time
to be young?
 
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