The Swans in the Reeds
- Izvođač: Empyrium
- Album: Weiland
- Pjesma: Die Schwäne im Schilf
- Prijevod: Njemački → Engleski
- Postavljeno od
fulicasenia on Pon, 12/03/2012 - 06:24
Die Schwäne im Schilf
Still, still war die Nacht,
nur reget sich sacht -
von Dunste bedeckt,
ein See tief im Walde,
im Schilfe, die Schwäne,
ihr Wehklagen hallte....
Die Maid indes irrte
nächtens umher,
ihr Schmerz ungeborchen -
kein Trost nimmermehr.
Als ob man sie jage,
über Stock, über Stein,
immer tiefer ins Dickicht,
ins Dunkle hinein.
Ihr Herz pochte - raste! -
wie Donner in ihr,
die Welt war im Schlummer,
allein war sie hier.
Alleine im Kummer,
der See lag vor ihr,
das Jammern der Schwäne,
es lockte sie hierher....
Licht blitzte und zuckte,
erhellte die Nacht,
ein Grollen erklang!
Die Welt war erwacht.
Von Ufer zu Ufer,
das Wasser schlug aus!
Es toste und brauste
zum Rande hinaus.
Die Maid war verlorn
zu grimm ihre Pein!
Die Schwäne sie lockten
sie zu sich hinein.
Sie trieb auf den Wogen
ins Dunkel hinaus,
sie trieb mit den Schwänen
ins Dunkel hinaus.....
The Swans in the Reeds
Still, still was the night
but for one soft stirring--
covered by mist,
a lake deep in the forest;
in the reeds, the swans,
their lament echoing...
The maid meanwhile wandered
aimless through the night
her suffering incessant--
no solace, nevermore.
As if hunted
over hill, over dale,
ever deeper into the thicket,
into the dark.
Her heart beat-- raced!--
like thunder within her.
The world was in slumber;
she alone was here.
Alone in her cares,
the lake lay before her:
the swans' complaint
had lured her hither...
Light flashed and flickered,
brightening the night,
a rumbling crash!
The world was awakened.
From shore to shore
the water beat!
It roared and raged
right out to the banks.
The maid was lost,
too fierce her anguish!
The swans, they lured
her in, to them.
She drifted on the waves
out into the darkness
she drifted with the swans
out into the darkness...
| zahvaljeno 8 puta |
| Korisnik | Objavljeno prije | |
|---|---|---|
| Sciera | 48 tjedana 2 dana |
Apparently the OP put English as the language for the German original because they wanted it to be translated into English.
I guess you didn't understand the german completely in the first paragraph. Here is how I would translate it:
"The night was calm, calm,
but for a lake deep in the forest
covered by mist (the lake is covered in mist, not the forest)
that (= the lake) moved softly
in the reed (there were) the swans
their lament was echoing."
As you see, I had to change the order of the lines and (in the first line) of expressions. Do you know how to express it in english while keeping the original order?
Btw, I'm pretty sure that "hallte" is right. If it should be "halten" instead, the line had to be "ihr Wehklagen haltend". Furthermore, "Wehklagen halten" sounds very strange to me. Could be said that way but is really unusual.
I don't know how good the rest is, I found no mistakes but some parts sounded strange to me, like it was too much word by word and not the way it is expressed in english. But you are a native speaker of english, I'm not, so you should know that better than me.
PS: I just read your author's comment... yes, the lyrics sound a bit old-fashioned in german, too.
Sciera, my translation is written in a style of English that would be ok for poetry written in the 18th or 19th century but is obviously far from modern colloquial english. It's meant to be a poem in english that conveys the feeling of the poem in german, not just a dry, perfectly clear translation. The flexibility of word order in this style of english is in general for the purposes of meter and poetic emphasis, but in this case it also allows me to hew closer to the original order of the german.
Okay, I thought that you wrote it in that style on purpose. My english just isn't good enough to know how a 300 year old text would sound exactly ^^
But I still have the feeling that someone who doesn't understand german and only reads the translation might misunderstand the first paragraph:
For me, the english expression "still" means "not moving", the german expression "still" means "silent". So "still" shouldn't be translated with "still".
"but for one soft stirring--
covered by mist,
a lake deep in the forest;"
Reading only this I'd think that "covered by mist" refers to the "soft stirring"...
The "--" helps a bit but it still is quite ambiguous, which it isn't in german. I would swap the lines and write
"but for one soft stirring--
a lake deep in the forest
covered by mist;".
But that's your decision.
still means silent: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/still
I know that it can mean that, too. But the "normal" meanings of it is "not moving" or "not having changed" (in the sense of "the night was still (insert adjective here)" or "it was still night"), so I think many readers of your translation might understand it wrong, especially those that don't understand english that well.
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