Hello, Doug, and welcome!
I'm glad you enjoyed translating this song. I hope you continue.
Your translation requires some attention, and I want to point out a few things:
1. "Por favor toma las mias para que tu puedas abrir también" - You have to find a way to say "las tuyas" (tus alas). If it's too long, you can skip 'pueda' y decir 'abras'. (This idea repeats in the song).
2. "Oh, lágrimas hacen..." I would say "forman"
3. "y heridas, sé que estás lastimando" I think it is "Y duelen". "Sé que estás sufriendo..." (?)
4. " entonces puedas abrir " --> "entonces puedas abrirlas"
5. "Aunque nos estemos rompiendo, podemos encontrar una manera de salir a fuera" --> "consumiendo/desmoralizando (quebrar el espíritu)...", "...una manera de superarlo".
6. " Caminare el infierno" --> "...a través del infierno" (A little long but...)
7. "salir hacia esas emociones" --> "...enfrentar esas emociones..."
8. " gatiare" --> "gatearé".
See what you can get out of all this. If there are errors, you should correct them; if there are suggestions, you can take or leave.
Go over again, there are errors in spacing, and some accents missing. Y recuerda: "voy A..." eyery time.
¡Disfrutalo!
It was a pleasure for me to translate this song to Spanish.
Doug H.