Control/Sleep

Control/Sleep

It was never just a look or song,
only a death wish just to see who would come
and until the turning point there
was my end,
dreams are words,
which the mouth doesn’t dare think.

Sometimes I think, look please:
You were my everything;
my Ritalin, 1
the nights filled with tears with the Springsteen CDs; 2
the things, which you never had as a child; plus the courage to recognize the void in the middle
of an open-armed dance on a burning bridge. 3
We were getting on with life, but a pile of misery,
perhaps the victory lies with just giving up;
let’s dance and flee.
Synchronization sparks moments to the beat of the music; stomping to the beat, clapping to the song,
pushing and pulling,
clinging to sweet melancholy.
Sweetheart, don’t ask; let’s just keep going
and act as if there’s no end to the world,
but what a Kodak moment when your heart shatters.4
I’m next to you blurred; I’m looking to the left, annoyed.
Exactly, Mr. Superstar, I curse the year.
One foot in the grave,
I never asked for this talent,
keep on screaming,
just don’t wake me if I finally sleep.

This medication doesn’t do any good. 5
I’m still here, but at least everything’s numb.
Woken up, her again
acting as if it would have bothered me again. 6
Doctor, what do I have to say (to them) in the store
so I finally get the good stuff?
It’s not a joke, still just a trip
to finally kill Cas, and Benjamin too.
(I) want to go to the fucking light.
What do I pay rental fees for?
I’d do it myself, but I’m too much of a coward.
No doors, (just) barred glass.
The dream will sell better as it is.
What fame and glory?
Admittedly, I can meanwhile understand Ian Curtis
well. (I) try to see the good things in life, 7
but depression never seems to be out of style.
Sweetheart, leave it alone.
The wounds were always there,
there’s no Band-Aid in the world which will cover it 8
‘cause this blood was always there.
And when it was about us, there was no moon;
just the sun about to set.
I always wanted to write great songs,
but the sound of my voice never fit.
I always wanted to write the great songs,
but you never liked the sound of my voice,
Sweetheart.

• 1. Ritalin is a trademarked preparation of methylphenidate, used to treat attention deficit disorder in children, but also depression.
• 2. Straight translastion: Platten = records.
• 3. “Open-armed dance” is a German reference to “open arms” which means “slashed wrists” in English. The dance is referenced again later with “let's dance and flee,” perhaps meaning “bleed with me and let's flee.”
• 4. Kodak Moment = a rare, one-time moment that is captured by a picture, or should have been captured by a picture. Source: Urban Dictionary; see comments.
• 5. bringen ’nen Scheiß = es zu nichts bringen = doesn’t do any good.
• 6. es macht mir etwas aus = stören = to bother someone.
• 7. Straight translation: Versuch das Leben rosig zu sehen = (I) try to see life rosey.
• 8. Band-Aid: genericized trademark for any adhesive bandage in the United States. Source: Wikipedia