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Η Νεράιδα

Έχω κι εγώ μιά νεράιδα σπίτι μου
στην υδροροή
τη βρήκα σε μια στέγη
με το φόρεμά της καψαλισμένο.
ήταν πρωί, μύρισε τον καφέ
όλα τα είχε καλύψει η πάχνη
τρύπωσε μέσα σ' ένα βιβλίο
και το φεγγάρι μεθυσμένο έδυε.
 
Έχω κι εγώ μιά νεράιδα σπίτι μου
και το φόρεμά της είναι καψαλισμένο
πρέπει να γνωρίζει καλά πως δε μπορεί
δε θα μπορέσει ποτέ πιά να πετάξει
κι άλλοι το προσπάθησαν πρίν από κείνη
πρίν από σένα ήταν μια άλλη εκεί
τη βρήκα να μαζεύεται στα φτερά της
και πίστεψα ότι κρύωνε.
 
Έχω κι εγώ μιά νεράιδα σπίτι μου
κοιτάει με ύφος ανάμεσα απ' τα ράφια μου
την τηλεόραση και σκέφτεται
ότι έξω έχει πόλεμο
διαβάζει διάφορα περιοδικά
και μένει σπίτι
στο παράθυρο, μετρώντας τις ώρες
στο παράθυρο, μετρώντας τις ώρες
 
Έχω κι εγώ μιά νεράιδα σπίτι μου
κι όταν πάρει πρωινό
κάνει βουητό με τα καψαλισμένα φτερά της
και ξέρω καλά πως είναι άτακτη
όμως μου αρέσει να της κάνω χάδια
ή να την κρατώ στα δάχτυλά μου
Έχω κι εγώ μιά νεράιδα σπίτι μου
που θα ήθελε να πετά, μα δε μπορεί...
 
Originele teksten

La fée

Klik om de originele tekst te zien. (Frans)

Gegeven reacties
maëlstrommaëlstrom    Woe, 17/11/2010 - 00:41
AthenaOpera escribió:

i read another translation of these lyrics, which was in english, and it seemed to me quite amateurish. i think this one is better

Hello, assuming that "quite amateurish" English translation was mine, there's something I can't understand. How can you compare it with yours whereas yours is in Greek and mine in English :confused: It doesn't make sense. Furthermore, why didn't you let me know that you found my translation incorrect? You're free to post a comment and point out what you consider wrong or add your own English translation. Please explain me...

AthenaOperaAthenaOpera
   Woe, 17/11/2010 - 01:47

i hope you were not offended.. i thought it's amateurish because it is not as artistic as it should be, given it's a poem. and that "artistic" character a poem has or hasn't, isn't something that has to do with languages but with the feeling a text arises. so i didn't think it was right to comment on your translation saying "... this is wrong and should be like that..", because in fact it is a correct translation.. but i personally would have avoided using phrases as "On the streaming gutters" or "the moon was ending up drunk" or "That outside it's war" or "miscellaneous periodicals", not because their meaning is incorrect, but because they remind me of a prose and not a poem. for example instead of "miscellaneous periodicals" i would have used "various magazines" or instead of "the moon was ending up drunk" i would have used "and the moon drunk it set"... i do not believe my opinion is better than yours or something, and many people would say that i refer to mere details here, but since i am studying translation, i can't help it!

MaulerMauler    Woe, 17/11/2010 - 02:53

Hi, consider the fact that most translators are not poets and do not translate poetry. Poetry is sophisticated, so most poets do their art in their mother tongue only (that's really hard enough!) Translating poetry is not only the non plus ultra, but sometimes it's an almost "impossible mission" :-)

maëlstrommaëlstrom    Woe, 17/11/2010 - 03:26

@AthenaOpera
I see. I guess French learners tend to seriously overrate French music in comparison to what it actually is. I was not offended by what you wrote, but the word "poem" made my hackles rise. These lyrics have nothing to do with poetry. What makes you think it's "poetic"? The word "fairy"? Because, I can't think of anything else. France may have had a great litterature and a particularly remarkable poetry in the past, but it ceased being so almost a century ago. Most of French songwriters think employing the words printemps and hirondelles allows them to rank with Racine or V. Hugo. This is insanity. Moreover they have the annoying habit of simply being nonsensical. Although I majored in litterature in high school, hoping to become a French teacher later, there are lashings of French songs I can't comprehend because they are either full of grammar mistakes or the lyricists attempted to express some lines in such inventive ways, I never have a clue what they possibly mean! Some contend that lyrics are merely open to interpretation. If so, why would I be able to analyse and comment on a poem by Mallarmé yet stuck in some lines from the last fashionable pop singer's hit??
Back to La fée:
La lune finissait ivre sounds like it's not in the right song, it obviously doesn't even fit the pattern. I can't make head or tail of it... I opted to translate it so litteraly because I can't take the liberty to interpret - or rather misinterpret - such a fuzzy sentence that was meant to be poetic and doesn't mean much (to me at least).
Des périodiques divers : "miscellaneous periodics" / "various magazines" - if that's not a matter of taste, then there's something worringly wrong...
Dehors c'est la guerre : what do you suggest?

Edit - @Lumi and Mauler
It goes without saying that I'm open to all your suggestions, but please, just stop using the word "poetry", because I consider comparing such a trite text with poetry as an insult to litterature...

AthenaOperaAthenaOpera
   Woe, 17/11/2010 - 16:05

hello to everyone, again. i truly hope this will not turn up to become a war here. so, i am going to answer to everyone, if that's possible, which i think not.. anyway... maëlstrom, since as i say in my profile i am hoping to become a professional translator one day i HAVE to stick to details. and because i am a musician myself and a lyricist, and this is music we are talking about, i think i can answer to you in perfect honesty. if the lyrics of a song are poetry or not, who can judge it? who can judge something that is definately art and label it? no one of course. i used the term "poetry" because these lyrics have rhyme and an inner melody, making them appropriate to become lyrics for a song. but don't these characteristics fit to a regurar poem as well? i personally think that these lyrics are poetry, not because they have rhymes, but because they arise feelings and this is the number one characteristic for me, that we should take into consideration before labeling something as and artistic text. it may be an everyday song and saying everyday stuff but the way it does, makes it feel like poetry. this is surely just my opinion of course. as for how i would have translated the phrase "Dehors c'est la guerre", i would probably had said "there is a war going on outside" or "a war takes place outside". it is not as poetic as it should be, but it makes more sense in english i think. anyway, i didn't pereive our coversation as a debate for not even a second. i think we are rather civilised and polite and only good can come out of this.