Momus - The hairstyle of the devil (traducere în Franceză)

traducere în Franceză

La coiffure du diable

Elle sortait avec deux mecs à la fois
Elle ne faisait jamais allusion à toi quand elle était chez moi
Mais quand tu étais chez elle tu faisais toujours des histoires
Car tu n’avais d’oreilles que pour les descriptions de l’étranger qu’elle fréquentait
 
Et ce qu'elle voyait en moi c’était seulement ce qui attire
Les nombreuses filles qui je vois derrière le dos de leur amant
Mais ce qu’elle voyait en toi, je n'ai jamais pu le deviner
Car elle ne trouvait qu’un sujet pour t'allumer
 
Le charisme inexplicable du rival
Tu as dit « décris-moi la coiffure du diable »
Est-il passionné ? (ne réponds pas !)
Est-il détaché ? (ne réponds pas à ça !)
Est-ce qu’il est bon au pieu ? (Tais-toi, ne réplique pas !)
Dis-lui seulement que j’ai hâte de le rencontrer
 
Elle m’a appelé, elle a dit qu’elle en avait eu marre
De tout la paranoïa que tu mélangeais avec ton amour
On a passé la nuit ensemble, elle m’a réveillé à l’aube
Et m'a appelé un taxi
Et quand tu es arrivé j’étais parti
 
Tu as retrouvé mon peigne derrière sa commode
Elle a dit qu’elle avait dormi seule mais le lit était couvert de cheveux
Et quand tu les as comparés, sans le moindre doute
Les cheveux appartenaient à Belzébuth
Et tu as commencé à faire le lien
 
Le charisme inexplicable du rival
Tu as dit « décris-moi la coiffure du diable »
Est-ce qu’il te fait rire ? (ne réponds pas !)
Est-ce qu’il est bien payé (ne réponds pas à ça !)
Est-ce qu’il t’habille tout en noir (Tais-toi ne réplique pas !)
Dis-lui seulement que j’ai hâte de le rencontrer
 
Le charisme inexplicable du rival
Avec la chance et la coiffure du diable
 
Donc tu regardes les gens tout autour
Et dans le visage de chaque étranger tu essayes de me trouver
Et quand enfin tu me rencontreras, on croisera le fer
Parce que la bête règne sur la rivalité
Aussi sûrement que l’horloge règne sur le temps
 
Le charisme inexplicable du rival
Avec la chance et la coiffure du diable
 
Ravi de te rencontrer, j’espère que tu as deviné comment je m’appelle
 
Postat de Gavier la Vineri, 20/10/2017 - 16:32
Ultima oară editat de Gavier în data Marţi, 24/10/2017 - 20:46
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The hairstyle of the devil

Idioms from "The hairstyle of the devil"
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petit élève    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 21:22

That's one twisted song Teeth smile

mention de toi -> technically OK, but "allusion à toi" rolls off the tongue ("not even an allusion")

Les plusieurs filles -> nombreuses ("plusieurs" can't be used with an article, it's an undefined quantity by itself, like "a few")

dans le dos -> derrière le dos (sounds more natural)

des descriptions de l’étranger qu’elle voyait -> "les" (all the depictions), and "fréquentait" would be more explicit here ("descriptions de l'étranger" could evoke sightseeing in a foreign country, so a bit more precision with "fréquenter" restores the balance)

je ne pouvais jamais le deviner -> "n'ai jamais pu" (I never could)

qu’une chose qui t’allumais d’en parler -> "allumait" (une chose)
well that one is hard to render as the English puts it. "elle ne trouvait qu'une chose dont parler t'allumait".
You must use the "dative" variant of "qui" here.
Many natives actually don't master the use of "dont" and would rather say things differently than build a sentence where it's required Regular smile
For instance "c'est ce dont je t'ai parlé l'autre jour"(it's what I told you about the other day) would often be replaced by more approximative variants like "c'est ce que je te disais l'autre jour"("that's what I told you the other day) or "c'est de ça que je t'ai parlé l'autre jour" (it's that thing I told you about the other day)
Trouble is, the use of "dont" makes it sound a bit posh! So I'd rather rephrase it a bit: "elle ne trouvait qu'une chose pour t'allumer" or "elle ne trouvait qu'un sujet (de conversation) pour t'allumer" for instance.

Est-ce qu’il te plaît entre les draps -> "est-ce qu'il est bon au lit" Regular smile

un taxi de nuit -> I would drop "de nuit", it kind of spoils the effect

Elle a dit qu’elle a dormi seule -> avait dormi (time consistency)

puzzle out -> rather "faire le lien" (establish links between clues)

on s’entremêlera les bois -> the metaphor does not really work in French. I'd rather use "on croisera le fer" (a typical metaphor for a duel)

For the beast rules with rivalry
As the clock rules with time -> is that some kind of quote or something? For some reason the English sounds good but it comes out pretty flat in French. I'll need to think this over a bit.

Gavier    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 21:46

Ah thanks for all that! I think I've fixed it up...
As you can tell I struggled a bit with that one Regular smile

I suspected I might need a "dont"of a "ce dont" in there but I prefer the use of "sujet" as you suggest. I had been thinking of something along those lines

All good - couple of specific questions though:
Is "entre les draps" not used at all? I was quite pleased with that one, not least because it rhymes.
If not would a slang word for bed fit in there? Pieu/plumard?
Shame also to lose s’entremêlera les bois - I liked the images of a couple of rutting stags. I trust your instinct on this though.

The beast rules with rivalry ... It's odd in English too. I'd say it mean "the devil is the ruler in matters of rivalry in the same way as the clock is in charge of all matters relating to time". But that is a little wordy... Wink smile

petit élève    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 22:13

"entre les draps" is a metaphor for lovemaking, but more like an euphemism, while this kind of conversation would be more explicit.

the elks fighting is quite good in English, but I think you'd better pick something immediately understandable in French, and I can't think of anything involving animals right now.

"est-ce qu'il est bon au pieu" would work fine, I think. Or maybe "il est comment au pieu ?", sounds a bit more natural to me. Frankly speaking I never had such kind of conversations, so I can only guess what natives really say from movies and such Regular smile
"est-ce que c'est un bon coup ?" is typical too.

OK, but the second part sounds a bit bland for a comparison with the devil. To make it sound punchy in French, I would go postal and say something like "devil rules with rivalry as death rules with time"

Gavier    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 22:17

Oh I can't decide now - he's asking how he is in bed it's a very loaded question. More like "oh I'll bet he's good in bed". It is a euphemism in English too of course but maybe "Entre les draps" sounds a little too "nice" for a snarky boyfriend to say. I think I'll go for "au pieu".

Gavier    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 22:50

I'd rather keep it as a clock as - well that's what he says. Does a change of proposition to "sur" make it read any better?

Or maybe maîtriser works better? La bête maîtrise la rivalité?

petit élève    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 23:22

Parce que la bête domine sur la rivalité
Comme l’horloge domine sur le temps -> "dominer" is transitive. However, "règne sur" would work pretty well.
"aussi sûrement que" instead of "comme" might sound better too.

Gavier    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 23:30

Ah nice yes! I like the sound of that a lot better. Regular smile

petit élève    Marţi, 24/10/2017 - 00:05

pu jamais -> only Yoda would say that Regular smile Now seriously, that order just doesn't work.

Tais-toi ne réplique pas -> something after "tais-toi" (exclamation mark of comma) would be nicer

qu’elle en avait eu marre -> "avait marre" (she was still fed up at the time she spoke, so imparfait is in order)

Gavier    Marţi, 24/10/2017 - 00:27

Ah yes - poor editing there sorry.

I've got that in the imperfect haven't I? I did have it in the perfect some time ago. Old browser window still open? Regular smile

Now I'm wondering if it's
Je n'ai jamais pu le deviner - or
Je ne l'ai jamais pu deviner

petit élève    Marţi, 24/10/2017 - 00:29

"le" is the object complement of "deviner" so it won't easily be separated.

je n'ai jamais pu le deviner (neutral)
le deviner, je n'ai jamais pu (emphasis on "deviner", for instance "le deviner, je n'ai jamais pu, mais le savoir, j'ai fini par y arriver")
jamais je n'ai pu le deviner (emphasis on "jamais")

"je ne l'ai jamais pu deviner" might work in old or poetic French. I suppose it's syntactically correct, but I would not use it.
That's considering "le" as the complement of "avoir pu deviner" as a verbal group or something.

Gavier    Marţi, 24/10/2017 - 00:25

Ah my instinct was right - for the straightforward interpretation at least. Interesting to see how a bit of juggling alters the emphasis, thanks. Regular smile