Rina Ketty - J'attendrai (traducere în Engleză)

Corectură cerută
traducere în Engleză

I Will Wait

I will wait
All day and night, I will wait forever
For the day you return
 
I will wait
As a fleeing bird always seeks oblivion
In its nest
 
Time passes and runs, ticking along sadly
Inside my heavy heart
And yet, I will wait
For the day you return
 
Flowers fade, fire dies
Shadows lurk in the yard
The clock weaves such weary sounds
I think I can hear your steps
 
The wind brings me sounds from far away
Staring at my door, I listen in vain, for you
Alas, nothing more comes
 
I will wait
All day and night, I will wait forever
For the day you return
 
I will wait
As a fleeing bird always seeks oblivion
In its nest
 
Time passes and runs, ticking along sadly
Inside my heavy heart
And yet, I will wait
For the day you return
 
Si vous voyez une erreur, dites-moi svp.
N'hésitez pas à utiliser mes traductions où vous voulez si vous pensez qu'elles sont assez bien :)
If you see an error, please tell me.
Feel free to use my translations wherever you want to if you think that they're good enough :)
Postat de La Fille avec le Visage la Luni, 23/10/2017 - 02:12
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
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J'attendrai

Mai multe traduceri ale cântecului „J'attendrai”
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Comentarii
petit élève    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 03:04

You picked a timeless classic there Regular smile

Guettant ma porte -> more like "staring at my door, listening in vain..."
"guetter" is a bit odd, but it means something like "watching intently" ; she sure doesn't peek through the door.

The meaning is there and the translation quite easy to read. Maybe you could give it a bit more of a poetic flavour though.

La Fille avec le Visage    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 03:27

I will fix that, it did seem a bit wordy when I wrote it out... didn't make much sense either Teeth smile

I will admit, I am not very good at rhyming, but I will try my best Wink smile

petit élève    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 03:30

Not necessarily rhyming, but simplifying the English a bit while keeping the general meaning. Maybe using "for" instead of "because", things like that.

Gavier    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 17:39

Have you been working on this? It reads rather poetically now Regular smile

The only couple of lines that jarred sightly to my ear were the following:

The clock weaves very weary sounds - perfectly correct but "very" doesn't flow so well...maybe "such weary sounds"
Alas, nothing more comes out of that - Maybe "from that" or lose the "out of that" altogether leaving just "Alas, nothing more comes"
Or go a different way with "Alas, that yields nothing more"

petit élève    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 19:25

For the fleeing bird who comes, searching for oblivion In its nest -> Sounds nice, but the meaning is a bit off
I was rather thinking of using "for" but keeping the "because" meaning, like in "for the fleeing bird (eventually/always) comes seeking oblivion in its nest"

Gavier    Luni, 23/10/2017 - 19:32

It's a bit tricky using for straight after wait - sounds like "wait for"

Maybe "As a fleeing bird always seeks oblivion"?