Corpse-Obedience

Proofreading cerut
Germană

Kadavergehorsam

Inmitten ihrer Reihen
Doch gleichwohl aussen vor
Dem täglichen Trott Folge leistend

Leere Blicke aus rast- und ziellosen Körpern
Das Dasein siecht im monotonen Puls
Ein Kollektiv zerfressen durch das Gift des Materiellen

Mit jedem weiteren Tag deines Lebens in der Versuchung
Verdrängt haltlose Gier dein vormals eigenständiges Denken
Mit jedem weiteren Tag deines Lebens in Widerstand
Nistet sich Resignation
in dein einst eigenständiges Handeln

Kein Interesse mehr am eigenen Leben
Scharen sich die Sklaven um neue Götter

Sind nur noch Trugbilder ihrer selbst
Leere Blicke aus seelenlosen Körpern

Das Dasein siecht im monotonen Puls
Kadavergehorsam steht auf ihrer Stirn

Schwarzes Blut tropft aus der Nase
Abscheu strömt in deinen Venen

Du würgst den Ekel Zorn bebend hinunter
Und Stille quillt dir aus dem Munde

Wie viel glaubst du zu ertragen?
Wie viel Blendung lässt du zu?
Wie viel muss in dir noch sterben?
Wie viel Hass bezwingt dein Herz?

Comentariile autorului:

These are the official lyrics, taken from the booklet.

Try to align
Engleză

Corpse-Obedience

(Being) among their ranks
But side-lined as well
Obeying to the daily grind

Empty looks out of restless and aimless bodies
The existence wastes away in the monotone pulse
A collective eroded by the poison of the material things

With each new day of your life in temptation
Unrestrained greed forces away your formerly individual thinking
With each new day of your life in resistance
Resignation infiltrates
your formerly individual actions1

Having lost interest in their own life2
The slaves are gathering around new gods

(They) are only shadows3 of their former selves
Empty looks out of soulless bodies

The existence wastes away in the monotone pulse
Corpse-obedience4 is written on their foreheads

Black blood drips from the nose
Disgust streams through your veins

Trembling you choke back the revulsion anger5
And silence oozes from your mouth

How much do you think you can take?
How much deception do you tolerate?
How much within you does still have to die?
How much hate can your heart conquer?6

  • 1. literary "acting"
  • 2. literary "Having no interest in their own life anymore"
  • 3. literary "phantoms", "illusions"
  • 4. means something like "blind obedience" or "slavish obedience".
  • 5. propably meaning something like "anger of revulsion"
  • 6. Can also mean "How many hate conquers/is conquering your heart?"
Postat de Sciera la Marţi, 04/10/2011 - 10:04
Last edited by Sciera on Marţi, 28/01/2014 - 17:30
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Clasificarea ta: Nimic
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Mai multe traduceri ale cântecului „Kadavergehorsam”
Germană → Engleză - Sciera
0
Comentarii
    August 19th, 2012

As always, take these remarks as optional. Neither of the languages is my mother's tongue.

Dem täglichen Trott folgeleistend -> can't understand your transaltion, probably because of my limited German. I would have thought it meant someting like "Paying the price for the daily routine".

rest- and aimless -> not sure it's possible to say it that way in English. More like "aimless, restless".

A collective that's eroded -> I think you can drop "that's"

With each new day of your life in temptation / Unrestrained greed forces away your formerly individual thinking -> it's very precise as far as meaning is concerned, but I think some adaptation could make it a bit lighter. For instance "Each day of your life amid/of temptations / a boundless greed forces your critical mind further away"

individual acting -> "acting" sounds more like playing a role in a movie. Maybe "actions" instead?

Kein Interesse mehr am eigenen Leben -> here again a slight adaptation to lighten the English : "having lost interest..."

only phantoms of -> I think "shadows" would fit better (it has also the meaning of "ghost").

drips out of the nose -> from the nose

Du würgst den Ekel Zorn bebend hinunter-> "gag down" seems a bit strange. Maybe "swallow back" or "choke back" would be sufficient? -> "Trembling, you choke back the anger of revulsion"

oozes out of your mouth -> oozes from...

Wie viel Hass bezwingt dein Herz -> based on the context, I would vote for the footnote meaning (How much hatred rules over your heart?)

Sciera     Septembrie 1st, 2012

Quote:
Dem täglichen Trott folgeleistend -> can't understand your transaltion, probably because of my limited German. I would have thought it meant someting like "Paying the price for the daily routine".

No, it just means what I wrote. Paraphrased it means: "Doing what the daily routine demands."

Quote:
With each new day of your life in temptation / Unrestrained greed forces away your formerly individual thinking -> it's very precise as far as meaning is concerned, but I think some adaptation could make it a bit lighter. For instance "Each day of your life amid/of temptations / a boundless greed forces your critical mind further away"

The german version also is quite complex so I see no need in making it sound lighter here. If what you wrote were the way a native speaker would express it I'd take it but I guess both of us can't tell what a native speaker would write.

Quote:
Wie viel Hass bezwingt dein Herz -> based on the context, I would vote for the footnote meaning (How much hatred rules over your heart?)

Based on the context I think both fit more or less equally. But the translation not in the footnote is the way this sentence would normally, out of context, be understood.

    Septembrie 1st, 2012

This new versions sounds much more fluid (in my foreigner's ears at least). Nice job !
And thanks for the explanations, as always.