Corpse-Obedience (Kadavergehorsam)

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Corpse-Obedience

(Being) among their ranks
But side-lined as well
Obeying to the daily grind
 
Empty looks out of restless and aimless bodies
The existence wastes away in the monotone pulse
A collective eroded by the poison of the material things
 
With each new day of your life in temptation
Unrestrained greed forces away your formerly individual thinking
With each new day of your life in resistance
Resignation infiltrates
your formerly individual actions1
 
Having lost interest in their own life2
The slaves are gathering around new gods
 
(They) are only shadows3 of their former selves
Empty looks out of soulless bodies
 
The existence wastes away in the monotone pulse
Corpse-obedience4 is written on their foreheads
 
Black blood drips from the nose
Disgust streams through your veins
 
Trembling you choke back the revulsion anger5
And silence oozes from your mouth
 
How much do you think you can take?
How much deception do you tolerate?
How much within you does still have to die?
How much hate can your heart conquer?6
 
  • 1. literary "acting"
  • 2. literary "Having no interest in their own life anymore"
  • 3. literary "phantoms", "illusions"
  • 4. means something like "blind obedience" or "slavish obedience".
  • 5. propably meaning something like "anger of revulsion"
  • 6. Can also mean "How many hate conquers/is conquering your heart?"
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Postat de Sciera la Marţi, 04/10/2011 - 10:04
Ultima oară editat de Sciera în data Marţi, 28/01/2014 - 17:30
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to Lasă comentariile tale.
Mai multe traduceri ale cântecului „Kadavergehorsam”
Germană → Engleză - Sciera
Comentarii
kuroi_neko    Duminică, 19/08/2012 - 23:23

As always, take these remarks as optional. Neither of the languages is my mother's tongue.

Dem täglichen Trott folgeleistend -> can't understand your transaltion, probably because of my limited German. I would have thought it meant someting like "Paying the price for the daily routine".

rest- and aimless -> not sure it's possible to say it that way in English. More like "aimless, restless".

A collective that's eroded -> I think you can drop "that's"

With each new day of your life in temptation / Unrestrained greed forces away your formerly individual thinking -> it's very precise as far as meaning is concerned, but I think some adaptation could make it a bit lighter. For instance "Each day of your life amid/of temptations / a boundless greed forces your critical mind further away"

individual acting -> "acting" sounds more like playing a role in a movie. Maybe "actions" instead?

Kein Interesse mehr am eigenen Leben -> here again a slight adaptation to lighten the English : "having lost interest..."

only phantoms of -> I think "shadows" would fit better (it has also the meaning of "ghost").

drips out of the nose -> from the nose

Du würgst den Ekel Zorn bebend hinunter-> "gag down" seems a bit strange. Maybe "swallow back" or "choke back" would be sufficient? -> "Trembling, you choke back the anger of revulsion"

oozes out of your mouth -> oozes from...

Wie viel Hass bezwingt dein Herz -> based on the context, I would vote for the footnote meaning (How much hatred rules over your heart?)

Sciera    Sâmbătă, 01/09/2012 - 20:07
Quote:

Dem täglichen Trott folgeleistend -> can't understand your transaltion, probably because of my limited German. I would have thought it meant someting like "Paying the price for the daily routine".

No, it just means what I wrote. Paraphrased it means: "Doing what the daily routine demands."

Quote:

With each new day of your life in temptation / Unrestrained greed forces away your formerly individual thinking -> it's very precise as far as meaning is concerned, but I think some adaptation could make it a bit lighter. For instance "Each day of your life amid/of temptations / a boundless greed forces your critical mind further away"

The german version also is quite complex so I see no need in making it sound lighter here. If what you wrote were the way a native speaker would express it I'd take it but I guess both of us can't tell what a native speaker would write.

Quote:

Wie viel Hass bezwingt dein Herz -> based on the context, I would vote for the footnote meaning (How much hatred rules over your heart?)

Based on the context I think both fit more or less equally. But the translation not in the footnote is the way this sentence would normally, out of context, be understood.

kuroi_neko    Sâmbătă, 01/09/2012 - 22:24

This new versions sounds much more fluid (in my foreigner's ears at least). Nice job !
And thanks for the explanations, as always.