C'est en mourant que l'on devient artiste

Finlandeză

Kuolema Tekee Taiteilijan

 

Kerran vain haaveeni nähdä sain
En pienuutta alla tähtien tuntenut
Kerran sain kehtooni kalterit
Vankina sieltä kirjettä kirjoitan
Luojani, luoksesi anna minun tulla siksi miksi lapseni minua luulee
Sinussa maailman kauneus
Josta kuolema teki minusta taiteilijan
Luojani, luoksesi anna minun tulla siksi miksi lapseni minua luulee
Oman taivaan tänne loin
Anna minun päästä pois

See video
Try to align
Franceză

C'est en mourant que l'on devient artiste

Versiuni: #1#2

Une fois seulement j'ai pu voir mes rêves
Nulle petitesse je ne sentais en dessous des astres
Une fois j'ai eu des barreaux à mon berceau
Tel un prisonnier, j'écris une lettre de là-bas
Mon Créateur, permets ma venue chez Toi de faire de moi ce que mon enfant imagine
En Toi se trouve la beauté de ce monde
Par laquelle je suis devenu artiste en mourant
Mon Créateur, permets ma venue chez Toi de faire de moi ce que mon enfant imagine
Je me suis créé un ciel ici
Permets-moi de m'en aller

Postat de Guest la Miercuri, 17/11/2010 - 23:19
Comentariile autorului:

Le titre est une déformation du proverbe "harjoitus tekee mestarin" qui signifie littéralement "l'entrainement fait le maître" et son équivalent en français soit "c'est en forgeant que l'on devient forgeron".

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maëlstrom3 ani 40 de săptămâni
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maëlstrom     Noiembrie 18th, 2010

Hi gandymar, I've tried to correct your translation by also using the English version, here it is:
Une fois seulement j'ai pu voir mes idéaux
→ In the English trans. they wrote dream, so which one is it actually, dream or ideal?
Nulle petitesse en dessous les astres m'inspirait
→ Je ne sentis/ressentis nulle petitesse en-dessous des astres
Une fois j'ai eu des barreaux à mon berceau
dans mon berceau would imply the bars are not fixed
Tel un prisonnier, j'écris une lettre de là-bas
Tel is just more poetic. En means "of this", it doesn't convey the notion of origin.
Mon Créateur, que, chez toi, tu me laisses devenir tel que mon enfant me croit
→ This sentence is okay, maybe hard to say in French...
En toi se trouve / réside la beauté de ce monde
→ More poetic too.
Par laquelle je suis devenu artiste en mourant
→ This doesn't sound perfect, but I realize you had to put it this way in order to fit with the title.
Mon Créateur, que, chez toi, tu me laisses devenir tel que mon enfant me croit
Je me suis créé mon propre ciel ici
j'ai créé = I created for someone else; je me suis créé = I created for myself (I hope this is what is meant in the song).
Laisse-moi m'en aller
→ Right Laughing out loud

    Noiembrie 18th, 2010

Very nicely done. The word "haave" could be translated ranging from "rêve, idéal, souhait, désir, aspiration" or even "utopie" if you want to exagerate. In the second line, I just wanted to see if I could somehow put the verb in the end. In order to do so, the direction of action would be reversed to make it sound better. But I failed Smile. "En" used in "il en vient" conveys a meaning of origin, but I get it: that's a verb of mouvement, "écrire" is not. I would rework the line with "mon Créateur" by placing "chez toi" in the beginning so that would be easier to say. Am I right? Maybe the adjective "propre" becomes inecessary with the "se créer" which I find an excellent suggestion.

maëlstrom     Noiembrie 18th, 2010

gangymar wrote:
The word "haave" could be translated ranging from "rêve, idéal, souhait, désir, aspiration" or even "utopie" if you want to exagerate.

Then I go for rêve; French doesn't have a proper equivalent to haave, I'm afraid Sad
gangymar wrote:
In the second line, I just wanted to see if I could somehow put the verb in the end. In order to do so, the direction of action would be reversed to make it sound better. But I failed

If you really want the verb to be in the end of the sentence, then you can put it this way:
Nulle petitesse en-dessous des astres je ne sentais
Or En-dessous des astres nulle petitesse je ne sentais
But it sounds somewhat scriptural or alike to Master Yoda's language, if you know what I mean lol It's okay when it comes to a poetic text Wink
gangymar wrote:
I would rework the line with "mon Créateur" by placing "chez toi" in the beginning so that would be easier to say. Am I right

I don't know, either way sounds unusual in French, but it's probably the only way to express it.
gangymar wrote:
Maybe the adjective "propre" becomes inecessary with the "se créer" which I find an excellent suggestion.

Very good point, I didn't realize propre became cumbersome after se créer. As a result, yes you should remove propre Wink

Good job, gandymar^^

    Noiembrie 19th, 2010

Concerning the word "haave", my little dictionary gives also "chimère" or "fantasme", which I find very inappropriate here. In countrary, it doesn't give "idéal, souhait, désir". They are rather my interpretation. Furthemore, I consider that a dictionary is a tool to give me some ideas and not any ready answers. I feel a little unconfortable to remove "idéaux" and to replace it with a word like "rêve", which makes me think of two other words in Finnish : "uni" and "unelma" ; but actually there seems no to be any better alternative.

    Noiembrie 19th, 2010

The line with the "mon Créateur" is the hardest line in the whole text because of its structure, piece by piece :

- "Luojani," > "Mon Créateur", only the question about whether the creator is a special One or a generic one
- "luoksesi" > "chez toi" with meaning of approaching, "vers toi"
- "anna minun tulla" > "laisse moi venir"
- "siksi miksi" > "tel que" which modifies the meaning of the earlier verb > "devenir".
So, before this the meaning was "laisse moi venir chez toi" and after this "laisse moi devenir chez toi tel que..."
- And the rest: "(miksi) lapseni minua luulee" > "(que) mon enfant me croit"

maëlstrom     Noiembrie 19th, 2010

gandymar wrote:
The line with the "mon Créateur" is the hardest line in the whole text because of its structure, piece by piece :

- "Luojani," > "Mon Créateur", only the question about whether the creator is a special One or a generic one
- "luoksesi" > "chez toi" with meaning of approaching, "vers toi"
- "anna minun tulla" > "laisse moi venir"
- "siksi miksi" > "tel que" which modifies the meaning of the earlier verb > "devenir".
So, before this the meaning was "laisse moi venir chez toi" and after this "laisse moi devenir chez toi tel que..."
- And the rest: "(miksi) lapseni minua luulee" > "(que) mon enfant me croit"

I have to admit, this sentence gave me a hard time, but finally the best way to put it is:
Mon Créateur, laisse ma venue vers Toi faire de moi ce que mon enfant imagine
It'd be difficult for me to find a better option... I hope it meets your expectations.

maëlstrom     Noiembrie 19th, 2010

Comme il te siéra...

    Noiembrie 19th, 2010

C'était une très bonne suggestion que tu avais faite. Seulement, je voulais aussi y réflechir moi-même. Et ainsi il me sied.

AthenaOpera     Noiembrie 23rd, 2010

i like your title much better than i like mine... Smile but then again, i am neither native french, nor native finnish... i am just studying those languages.. i will keep my title nonetheless, for it wouldn't be polite to just copy it from you, it feels like cheating. i love the way you justified your choices by the way!

    Noiembrie 23rd, 2010

AthenaOpera wrote:
i like your title much better than i like mine... Smile but then again, i am neither native french, nor native finnish... i am just studying those languages.. i will keep my title nonetheless, for it wouldn't be polite to just copy it from you, it feels like cheating. i love the way you justified your choices by the way!

Thank you very much. There is not one right way, I think. And we have to thank maëlstrom, too.

maëlstrom     Noiembrie 23rd, 2010

Oh no, gandymar, if your explanation is true, then you're the only one to be congratulated, since the translation you've chosen for the title is absolutely perfect Smile

    Noiembrie 23rd, 2010

maëlstrom wrote:
Oh no, gandymar, if your explanation is true, then you're the only one to be congratulated, since the translation you've chosen for the title is absolutely perfect :)

I meant to thank you thinking about the translation in general. Smile

Mauler     Noiembrie 23rd, 2010

Master Yoda's language Smile