Winter's last dance [ Poslednyi tanets zimy (Последний танец зимы) ]

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Winter's last dance

Fresh air smells like winter,
I've breathed snow by accident.
With every breathe now I'm another,
Absolutely another person.
With a smoot trajectory
We've written a history
On the virgin white foam,
About the last dance of the winter.
 
Diamond ash sparkles on the coat
Jewes in the hair
The generous sky strews pearls
There's enough beauty and riches for everyone,
In the true reality
Until I breathed snow, I was not sure I was alive
 
We're two trains that go past one another
Stopped in the meadow by snow,
And people at the windows
Smile and wave to each other
Snowwhite sparks covered the trash
Debris and dirt are not visible
My head is so bright, peaceful and empty
Thanks to winter's last dance
 
Diamond ash sparkles on the coat
Jewes in the hair
The generous sky strews pearls
There's enough beauty and riches for everyone,
In the true reality
Until I breathed snow, I was not sure I was alive
 
Hold my hand
In the dense thick snowfall
It seems that there's nothing nothing I need
To hold your hand
To spin without slowing
To breathe freely
To love without any doubts
 
We sat facing each other in the subway
Everybody took a free seat
We discussed about where we'll get out
Smiling and speaking with our hands.
And there's a young woman starring at us,
Not knowing, that we're close.
She thinks that she's realised just now
How people meet each other.
 
Diamond ash sparkles on the coat
Jewes in the hair
The generous sky strews pearls
There's enough beauty and riches for everyone,
In the true reality
Until I breathed snow, I was not sure I was alive
 
Postat de Сновида la Sâmbătă, 26/05/2012 - 16:05
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Rusă

Poslednyi tanets zimy (Последний танец зимы)

Свежий воздух пахнет зимой,
Я случайно вдохнула снег.
С каждым вдохом теперь я иной,
Абсолютно иной человек.
Траекторией плавных движений
Написали историю мы
По нехоженой белой пене,
О последнем танце зимы.
 

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Comentarii
    Iulie 28th, 2012

General meaning is more or less OK, but the beauty of the original is lost.

Btw the title would rather be "winter's last dance".
also:
"По нехоженой белой пене" -> "on virgin white foam" (нехоженой -> some place no one has walked before)
"Настоящего наяву" -> would that not rather mean something like "in the true reality" or "that's the plain truth"?
"Не была я, пока не вдохнула снег, уверена, что живу" -> "until I breathed snow, I was not sure I was alive"
"В голове так светло безмятежно и пусто" -> "My head is so bright, peaceful and empty"
"От последнего танца зимы" -> "*thanks to* winter's last dance"
"вьюжном" -> more like blizzard or snowfall rather than fog, I think.
"Кружить не замедляясь" -> not "circle" but "spin" (like a couple dancing, not like vultures or wolves!)
"Мы сели в метро напротив" -> "we sat facing each other in the subway"
"Каждый занял свободное место" -> "everybody took a free seat"
"Выясняем когда выходим" -> "we discuss about where we'll get out"
"Улыбаясь и делая жесты" -> "doing gestures" is more like talking with their hands.

Сновида     Iulie 28th, 2012

I've changed. Thank you.

    Iulie 28th, 2012

не за што
There are some typos left too. If you're interrested, PM me and I'll send you the list.