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風に流離い

「彼女に振られたんですよ」 と心療内科の先生に
相談したら 自業自得だと説教されて帰された
二度と来るかこのヤブ医者 悪いのは百も承知だ
って開き直れる程強くない さながら自己嫌悪の吹きだまり
 
夢とか希望とか未来は 今の僕にとっては脅しだ
その類いの漫画 小説 映画 音楽は資源ゴミ
昔は夢もあるにはあった その夢が枕元でほざく
「おまえじゃ駄目だこの役立たず 特別と思うなゴミ屑」
 
夢なんて無い 期待してない 無気力のまるで生きてる死体
だけどわずかに 忸怩たる思い 生きてるプライドは捨てきれない
遅い夜中に 不意に泣いたり 行ったり来たりのギリギリのサイン
月が夜空に 余裕で浮かび 早く朝よ来いと願うばかり
 
やるしかない所にまで 気付けば追いつめられてたんだ
方法や手段は選べない 凡庸な僕 才能不在
挑んではヘマして悩んで いつからかそれが楽しくて
笑われたのは数限りなく その度ムキになる天の邪鬼
 
時給幾ら余命切り売り 残された時間に苛立ち
時に裏切られたりしたよ でもそれが糧になりゃ儲け物
失うものなんて何も無い 手にする方が多いくらい
死んだ魚の眼の少年 僕はお前に感謝するぜ
 
夢なんて無い 期待してない 無気力のまるで生きてる死体
必死な奴に 後ろ指差し 嘲笑った奴を見返したい
ってのは建前 認められたい が目的のしがない唄うたい
勝ちなんてない 負けなんてない 死ぬまで続く無様な戦い
 
手を差し伸べてくれた人に ホントに感謝してるんだよ
もう少し取って置くべきだろう 鞄一杯のありがとう
やるべき事伝えるべき事 怠けりゃそこで途絶える航路
他人ではなく 面目じゃなく 自分の為に今は歌いたい
 
夢なんて無い 期待してない 無気力のまるで生きてる死体
だけど確かに 抗う歌に わずかながら空の光は射し
生きる力に 自ずと変わり 死に切れぬ僕の弁明と成り
風に流離い 理解し難い と言われても他に道など無い
風に流離い 理解し難い と言われても他に道など無い
風に流離い 理解し難い と言われても他に道など無い
 
Превод

Drifting in the Wind

I told my psychiatrist one evening, “I Just broke up with my girlfriend.”
He lectured me on how I was getting exactly what I deserved and just sent me home.
Am I really gonna go back to that quack doctor? The worst part is that I know I will.
It’s not like I’m strong enough to fight back anyway. Just a simple tumbleweed of raw self-loathing.
 
Ask about my future hopes and dreams, and I’ll say that they seem more like threats to me.
If my life were a comic, novel, movie, or album; you’d toss it into the recycle bin.
In the past, I had a dream of my very own. It whispered in my ear as I tried to sleep.
“Do you really think someone like you matters at all? You human stain, don’t you dare get cocky.”
 
I have no more dreams. Don’t expect a thing. Languid to the point that I might just be a zombie.
And yet if only barely, it shames me to admit it, I just can’t seem to throw away my will to keep on living.
Bursting out in tears in the middle of the night, sudden as a road sign you see right before turning.
The moon up in the sky hangs so very calmly, and all that I can do is await the sun’s next rising.
 
Well before I had no choice but to do, I should have noticed the wall I was driven into.
Unable to choose either means or method, I’m so mediocre. No talent to be found.
I agonized over my pitiful challenge. I wonder when I found those worries so comforting.
I’ve forgotten all the times I’ve been made fun of. Fed up, I let myself be what they all imagined.
 
My job pays like I’m selling years of my life. I get annoyed when I think about how many remain.
Even time itself has betrayed me. But if I make the best of that, I might get out okay.
I can’t name a single thing that I have to lose. Enough that they would overflow in my hands.
To the boy, eyes glazed-over like a dead fish, I offer to you my sincerest thanks.
 
I have no more dreams. Don’t expect a thing. Languid to the point that I might just be a zombie.
They mock from behind all those who care to try. I hope that one day I can throw their words back at them.
Or so I say in public, but I just want approval. That’s the whole reason I even wrote this nothing song.
It’s not about winning. It’s not about losing. Just an ugly war of attrition that won’t end ‘til I die.
 
To all of you who offered your hands to me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Would you let me hold onto them a little longer? I have more now than I’ll ever need.
And if I ever stop doing all I must do, then that will be the day that this journey ends.
Not for other people. Not for fame or glory. The only one I sing for is the person in the mirror.
 
I have no more dreams. Don’t expect a thing. Languid to the point that I might just be a zombie.
And yet there’s no denying, whenever I’m singing, a tiny bit of light from the sky shines down upon me.
So slowly but surely, I’ll find strength in living. Sorry, but you’ll have to put up with me a little longer.
It’s hard to explain, but I’m drifting in the wind. No matter what you think, there is no better path for me.
It’s hard to explain, but I’m drifting in the wind. No matter what you think, there is no better path for me.
It’s hard to explain, but I’m drifting in the wind. No matter what you think, there is no better path for me.
 
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