A great translation, Tom! There are only a couple of mistakes I'd like to point out and suggestions I want to make:
- "prenda" is feminine, so it shouldn't be "la prenda de mi hijo está rasgado" but "la prenda de mi hijo está rasgada".
- the subsequent "el" should have an accent ("él")
- And, finally, "he gave her a learned discourse on Giving and Taking to carry to her son before he should go to the temple" should be "sino que le dio un sermón ilustrado/erudito acerca de/sobre Dar y Tomar para que se lo dijera/contara a su hijo antes de que fuera/fuese al templo".
Even if you didn't take these points into account, it's still very well done :)
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