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LT → Fransızca → Gérard Manset → Le jour où tu voudras partir → İngilizce
  • Gérard Manset

    Gérard Manset

    Le jour où tu voudras partir → İngilizce çevirisi

  • 2 çeviri
    İngilizce #1, #2
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Açık Fransızca (Orijinal)
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The day you'll want to leave

şarkı sözleri (Fransızca)
There won't be any trains left in the stations
the day you want to leave,
among children sleeping
in gardens and in beds.
There won't be any planes left in the air.
The city will be like a wasteland.
Nothing but children huddling together
to block your way.
 
Waiting for the fires and the noise of the city
to ebb,
you will moisten the brows of those you love
and who are bleeding,
among sleeping children
and birds fallen from their nests.
 
There won't be any flowers left on the tables.
The child will put his satchel down.
Hiding his face in his hands to cry,
he will hear you walking away.
 
Waiting for the fires and the noise of the city
to ebb,
you will moisten the brows of those you love
and who are bleeding,
among unknown children
wolves and lost dogs.
 
You're bound to remember one day
this city that once was yours,
with its children asleep
on the marble fountain rims.
 
Waiting for the fires and the noise of the city
to ebb,
you will moisten the brows of those you love
and who are bleeding,
among sleeping children
and birds fallen from their nests.
 
Among sleeping children
and birds fallen from their nests.
 
Orijinal şarkı sözleri

Le jour où tu voudras partir

şarkı sözleri (Fransızca)

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"Le jour où tu ..." içeren koleksiyonlar
1.Vague & cryptic collection
Gérard Manset: En İyi 3
1.Il voyage en solitaire
2.Pourquoi les femmes
3.Donne-moi
Yorumlar
bataybatay    Perş, 01/02/2018 - 05:10

Bravo for both versions then. I would suggest perhaps the following
On the day you decide to leave instead of on the day you will want to leave
Among sleeping chidren for the sake of homogeneity with following verse
birds last line of verse 2, and again last two verses
Hiding his face (in his hands) to cry instead of As he covers his face to cry (sequence of tenses)
Verse 4, children are not sleeping, but unknown (stranger ?)
i'm not happy with fountains' marble.. but nothing to offer

GavinGavin
   Perş, 01/02/2018 - 15:39

Well, that's all pretty smooth - There's some nice French there that it's tricky to do justice to but I think you mainly have it. :)

Small observations:

The title and main line...yes, as Batay says - you don't need to use the future tense in English for this kind of phrase:
On the day you decide to leave /
The day you want to leave

Is it really "pour water on the foreheads"? I would think something a little more gentle...
moisten the brows / anoint the foreheads - something like that

Are the wolves lost or is it just the dogs that lost?

I'd have thought "among unknown children, wolves and lost dogs"

GavinGavin
   Perş, 01/02/2018 - 15:54

I have to confess the French use of of tense is often more logical. Although of course I never thought anything odd about English before learning French. ;)

I will do it when I am there / Je le ferai quand je serai là... Yes, it does make more sense. But "I will do it it when I will be there" sounds weird in English.

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