Well done. Because you asked for proofreading, I have written down a few suggestions. I find the 'neither... nor...' structure is very over-used in translations from Spanish to English because in Spanish it is very natural and common to say 'ni... ni...' but, in English, it sounds like something out of a legal document or a logic textbook. In the third verse (not counting the spoken intro), I would suggest saying "from history or from time" or "not from history or from time." Also, and I suppose this is personal preference, but capitalizing 'history' and 'time' here seems a little odd to me and is not necessary. And there should be no comma between 'eternal' and 'die' at the end of that verse. I would also suggest saying 'through' or 'throughout' instead of 'on' in the line that says "on the whole continent." And one last thing: I would recommend "you will live eternally" rather than "you will be living eternally." The latter sounds odd and is not what the Spanish version says, either.
Lo Eterno
The Eternal One
- 1. Cuban country (rural) song.
Teşekkür Et! ❤ | ||
2 teşekkür aldı |
Teşekkür Detayları:
Bu, çeviriyle ilgili düzeltme, öneri vs. almaktan memnun olacağı anlamına gelmektedir.
Her iki dilde de yetkinseniz, lütfen çekinmeden yorumlarınızı bırakın.
1. | Songs and poems about Che Guevara |
1. | Hasta siempre |
2. | Y en eso llegó Fidel |
3. | ¡Cuba, qué linda es Cuba! |
Very good, Andrzej! Pretty much like your old one "Hasta siempre", right?
I think you are as fond of Che as you are of Julio Iglesias.
You address the title exclusively to him. Is that the way you want it? Because, actually, the original says "Lo eterno" --> "The eternal", general inclusion.
Gracias mis amigos por todos sus comentarios y sugerencias.
Así que uno tras otro:
@Macfadden: “Ni… ni…” is very similar in Polish, because it’s “ani… ani…” and in English, even though it’s not my native language, the literal translation sounds to me also too “technical”. I’ve changed the whole stanza. Is it better this way? Or “fade away” was better?
As for the comma: As I understood the main sentence was “How could people die” and “who are eternal” was an interjection, so this is why I separated it with two commas. This is the general rule for the Polish grammar and I believed it was universal. I think it would be better to delete both commas, as I did now.
@Rosa: This is exactly what I thought when I heard this song for the first time. You can say it’s the final “Hasta siempre”.
I started translating Carlos Puebla’s songs not because I was fond of Che. These songs also don’t represent my political views. I do it for different reasons. I noticed that nobody has translated these songs (apart from very few) and I believe it’s a good idea to do that just to show others what he sang about. I don’t care that his songs are just a pure communistic propaganda. I just think it’s interesting to learn his songs, because they are simply the part of the history and for me also a reminiscence of my trip to Cuba. Also the language he uses is not easy to understand, so this forces me to use not only dictionaries, but also my imagination. As for the most parts of his songs it’s impossible to translate them literally and that forces me to translate them “a mi manera” and that’s what I like (as you know).
The title was very tricky to translate (and some parts of the lyrics too), because “eternal” is an adjective - the same as “eterno” in Spanish - so it refers to “lo”, that can be translated as “it” or “him”. This way in my opinion it wouldn’t be the best solution to write “The eternal”, because the noun would be missing and I just added it (“one”). It’s the only way of translating the title I can think of and for me it fits perfectly the lyrics.
@Hans: Yeah, I overlooked it. Thanks.
It is fine to use 'erased' instead of 'fade away.' However, "both... and..." means that such people are not erased from history and time, but might be erased from one of the two, which is not what the original means. I suggest either "people like you are never erased from history or from time," or "people like you are never erased, not from history or from time."
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Copyright®: Andrzej Pałka.
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