Sorry, didn't see your author's comment before I gave the rating.
But there are a lot of mistakes. You should translate more carefully, many mistakes could be found by simply proofreading.
I'll correct the first and second paragraph:

"Standing wet in holy rain."
->
"Während ich im heiligen Regen nass stehe."
I can't tell you exactly why I choose "während" instead of "als" but "als" sounds strange here.
You forgot the "holy". And why is "wet" "ganz nass"? That would be "very wet"...

"When you were baptized,
Ignored the problem,"
I'm not quite sure about that one but I would understand it as
"Als du getauft wurdest
Und das Problem ignoriertest"

"That's when I watched you seal your grave."
->
"Da sah ich dich dein Grab verschließen."

"But let you drink the pain,"
->
"Aber habe dich den Schmerz trinken gelassen"

"A final song now we both know."
->
"Ein letztes Lied jetzt, das wir beide kennen"

"So I'm not givin' up,"
->
"Sodass ich nicht aufgebe"

"Won't let you suffocate me,"
->
"Lasse dich mich nicht ersticken"
That could be seen as correct. But first the english is future tempus. So more word by word it would be "Werde dich nicht ersticken lassen".
And if you translate it to present tempus there is the problem that "lasse" can be understood as 1st person singular indicative mood as well as imperative singular.
So in that case I at least would add an "(Ich)" at thew beginning of the line.

"You find your hell is home."
->
"Du erkennst dass deine Hölle daheim/ein Daheim ist"