Некрасивая девочка (إلى الإنكليزية ترجم)

الإعلانات

Некрасивая девочка

Среди других играющих детей
Она напоминает лягушонка.
Заправлена в трусы худая рубашонка,
Колечки рыжеватые кудрей
Рассыпаны, рот длинен, зубки кривы,
Черты лица остры и некрасивы.
Двум мальчуганам, сверстникам её,
Отцы купили по велосипеду.
Сегодня мальчики, не торопясь к обеду,
Гоняют по двору, забывши про неё,
Она ж за ними бегает по следу.
Чужая радость так же, как своя,
Томит ее и вон из сердца рвётся,
И девочка ликует и смеётся,
Охваченная счастьем бытия.
 
Ни тени зависти, ни умысла худого
Ещё не знает это существо.
Ей всё на свете так безмерно ново,
Так живо всё, что для иных мертво!
И не хочу я думать, наблюдая,
Что будет день, когда она, рыдая,
Увидит с ужасом, что посреди подруг
Она всего лишь бедная дурнушка!
Мне верить хочется, что сердце не игрушка,
Сломать его едва ли можно вдруг!
Мне верить хочется, что чистый этот пламень,
Который в глубине её горит,
Всю боль свою один переболит
И перетопит самый тяжкий камень!
И пусть черты её нехороши
И нечем ей прельстить воображенье, –
Младенческая грация души
Уже сквозит в любом её движенье.
А если это так, то что есть красота
И почему её обожествляют люди?
Сосуд она, в котором пустота,
Или огонь, мерцающий в сосуде?
 
تم نشره بواسطة Alexander FreiAlexander Frei في الجمعة, 07/06/2019 - 11:48
تم تعديله آخر مرة بواسطة sandringsandring في الثلاثاء, 20/08/2019 - 05:03
تعليقات الناشر:

1955

إلى الإنكليزية ترجمالإنكليزية
Align paragraphs
A A

Unattractive girl

النسخ: #1#2
Among a group of other playing kids,
This girl reminds me of a froglet.
Her tattered shirt, tucked into simple panties,
Peculiar and reddish rings of curls
Lie scattered, mouth- too long, teeth- little crooked,
Her facial features- sharp and unattractive.
There are two boys, about her age, for whom,
Their fathers got them bicycles they'd wanted.
All day today, forgetting 'bout their dinners,
They're riding round, forgetting about her,
While she's forever following their trail.
Another's happiness, as if it were her own,
Is teasing her and out the heart's erupting
This girl, both feeling wrapped and laughing,
Her being's been surrounded with joy.
 
No trace of jealousy, no single thought of malice
Have not approached this pure creature yet.
This world to her, immensely new and special
It screams of life, when others think it's dead!
Don't want to think while watching and observing,
There'll come a day, when in the midst of crying
She'll learn in horror that among girlfriends
She's but a poor, unattractive lass!
A heart's no toy, I should like to believe it,
To break one is not easy on a whim!
I should like to believe, this pure flame which
Is burning brightly in her innermost domain
Can on its own get over all its pain
And melt to sludge the heaviest of boulders!
Let features those of hers be unattractive
Have nothing there to draw imagination,-
Her child-like soul, filled with grace,
'S already beaming in her every motion.
But if it's so, then what is beauty then
And why is it so deified by people?
Is it a vessel, filled with empty space,
Or burning flame that flickers in a vessel?
 
تم نشره بواسطة MityMity في السبت, 17/08/2019 - 18:32
Added in reply to request by Sophia_Sophia_
تم تعديله آخر مرة بواسطة MityMity في الخميس, 22/08/2019 - 08:09
تعليقات الكاتب:

Deep, deep, deep. Profound and rhythmical. We benefit by reading things of this nature. Just take your time, don't rush.

5
تصنيفك: None Average: 5 (3 votes)
التعليقات
MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 18:43

Thank you too, I'll tell you what, it was NOT easy, the hardest translation I've made so far.

MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 18:56

Cheers, one vote is already more than I could ask for, never having done any of this sort of thing before.

BratBrat    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 19:17

перетопит -> will remelt (melt down)

sandringsandring    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 19:23

Nice job but some things need work, I guess.
1. Skinny are only people. A skimpy shirt?
2. Peculiar and reddish rings of curls - Sounds strange. Conspicuously reddish rings?
3. their dinner
4. got the bicycles (typo)

Sorry, must go now.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 19:27
sandring schreef

Nice job but some things need work, I guess.
1. Skinny are only people.

"skinny dress pants" search gives 456,000,000 results

MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 19:52

1. So clothing can be skinny, right? I've always thought so.
2. Peculiar, because everything about this girl is peculiar. She is like a little frog, remember?
3. Dinners, can be plural, especially when talking about different types of dinner, i.e. different boys' dinners.
https://www.wordhippo.com/what-is/the-plural-of/dinner.html
4. Fathers got them (their sons) bicycles. My father got me, her, them bicycles.
Thanks for keeping an eye on my English)))

MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 19:40

ХА, ха! Хорошая загадка?
Тяжкий камень тянет ко дну и топит......Я не думал, что шла речь о плавлении? Если бы было: самый крепкий камень...другое дело.
Я думал "перетопить" автор имел ввиду "побороть/пережить утопление тяжёлым камнем" i.e. Out-sink, а не утонуть раньше камня. Как иначе по-русски можно это выразить, только "перетопит" и "тяжкий камень"?

Perhaps my Russian isn't what it used to be. So let's ask more people to chip in and give their opinion.
Then, I'll be more than happy to change it, if need be.

Dora VysotskayaDora Vysotskaya    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 19:42
5

5 звезд не хватает. Замечательно переданы эмоции, которые заложены в произведение поэтом! Молодец!

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 09:57

Поскольку вы были так восторжены моим первым переводом, считаю нужным сообщить, о "Завещании" Заболоцкого, в том же стиле. Почитайте, может понравится. Прокомментируйте.

Dora VysotskayaDora Vysotskaya    الأثنين, 19/08/2019 - 21:11

Поэт удивительный. У него есть строки, которые не отпускают, просто завораживают своим глубинным ощущением мироздания и какой-то вековечной библейской печалью. Как-то удивительно благородно и трогательно рассказана история жизни и любви,одного из самых загадочных и малооцененных до сих пор поэтов Николае Заболоцком. Много букв, но того стоит Regular smile

MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 19:56

Большой спасиб))). Eщё чуть-чуть, и русский полностью забуду))).

MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 20:19

Приглашаю также посмотреть мою версию "Жил человек рассеянный" Маршака. Приятно от того, что упростил ребятишкам уродливый, до этого сделанный перевод википедии. Не знаю, может мой перевод и не такой хороший, как мне кажется. Мнение других важно...

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 20:36

"skinny" with clothes is fine. skinny jeans is the most common expression one could imagine. Regarding melting - brat is likely right there (i didn't notice), since it is like this in the source: истый этот пламень, Который ... И перетопит самый тяжкий камень Re-melting, on the other hand, sounds weird to me. I would use simple "melt" there.

MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 20:50

Agree 100 %, Will be changed ASAP. Wise judgement, again. Two eyes good, six eyes better!

MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 21:02

Out-sink replaced with Melt. Correction done.

sandringsandring    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 09:08

Listen, guys. Skinny is the name of a skinny fitting style, it's the name of a style and it's mainly for pants. And besides, this style is new, it doesn't work for the period when the poem was written. Anyway, talking fashion to males is a waste of time.

Dinner as a meal doesn't have the plural form. It may have the indefinite article only if preceeeded by an attribute like We had a quick dinner.

If it's used as a countable noun it has a different meaning - a party with dinner.

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 09:50

Please listen carefully and reconsider:
1. I understand what your are saying, however, the use of "Skinny" is perfectly justified as it agrees with the author's idea.
"Худая рубашонка", also sounds very unusual, as in Russian we normally use "Худой" to describe a person, and not an item of clothing.
As you can see, both in Russian and in English "Skinny shirt" is one that make a person look skinny. Just like a joke about "Crooked stockings", which make one's legs look bow-legged or crooked.
Why is it so difficult to understand?
2. I have no problems with dinner-S, apparently, neither does the web-site. When we do not talk about "dinner- come to dinner, have dinner" in general, but mention someone serving dinner-S, various dinners, school dinners etc, plural is perfectly acceptable. Just google "school dinners". https://learnenglishteens.britishcouncil.org/uk-now/read-uk/school-dinners
Come on, now, will ya???

Sophia_Sophia_    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 09:58

Я почти уверена, что "худая рубашонка" - старая, ветхая, прохудившаяся.

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 10:02

Спасибо вам за разъясненье. Ваш русский-лучше моего.
Исправлено.

MityMity    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 21:08

Завтра сделаю "Завещание" Заболоцкого, коли Мы так его любим, и оно в Топ 3. А потом уйду на заслуженный отдых...)))

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    السبت, 17/08/2019 - 21:14

Top-3 for the artist is broken. It might be based on requests. And it never changes (at least in six month I've been on this site).
You could sort songs within artist folder by their popularity, but Заболоцкого no one reads/translates imho. It is mostly pop with some random fluctuations caused by translators, like in this case.

Sophia_Sophia_    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 09:57

The layout of the original lyrics has been changed.
You might want to update you translation as well.

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 09:59

Layout's been corrected. Thanks.

sandringsandring    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 11:52

Жаль, school dinners and they had their dinner - совершенно разные значения как chocolate и chocolates. Das ist бесполезно. Худой мир лучше доброй ссоры.

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 11:59

DINNERS in a sense of MEALS is always plural. I shan't be convinced! LDOCE, Dinner: 1. [Countable/uncountable]
2. [countable] Yours is the second example, mine is the first.
Please, stop arguing, and just accept what is the proper linguistic knowledge. I am not saying anymore on this head.
https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/dinner

sandringsandring    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 12:05

You say you're an English teacher? Well, I don't know. That link only proves what I have earlier said. And mind you, it's in English, not Sanskrit Regular smile

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 12:49

Perhaps this will clarify your unrelenting logical confusion:

ONE DINNER: My dinner, your dinner, the SAME ONE DINNER, OUR DINNER: CORRECT!
TWO DINNERS: My OWN dinner, Your OWN dinner, TWO DIFFERENT DINNERS, OUR (separate) DINNER-SSS: CORRECT!

This is how it is:

1. You regard DINNER as a whole/general concept, no problem with that.
2. I view DINNERS, in this example, as TWO separate MEALS, of two different people. Period!

In my example, however, there is no confusion which may arise as a result of generalisation, i.e. the two boys aren't going to have the SAME dinner.

We are BOTH CORRECT.

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 12:13

И мальчики, забыв про их велосипеды, And boys, forgetting about their cycles,
И мальчки, забыв про их обеды, And boys, forgetting about their dinners,
И мальчики, забыв про их блюда, And boys, forgetting about their meals.

You must have leaned about logic from ancient Sanskrit writings. Or, perhaps, I shall refer you to a native speaker of English (my wife) by my side, who has no issues with DINNERS, whatsoever. Because it seems your knowledge is all but lacking.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 12:26

Mity, I hope your wife also has an opinion on civility. You should know that Sandring is a well respected member of our community. You also need to know, at your age and profession, that sharp rebukes aren't necessary - guys slay me for my mistakes with humor. And if you do disagree strongly, don't make it public - use PM feature to exchange private messages.
I enjoyed your additions and translations. Thanks.

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 13:07

I know that, mate. I am sorry, I cannot quietly observe pigheadedness.
I had done my bit, having presented Sandring with my research, which she apparently, because of her "HIGH STATUS", refused to accept.
It's too late now to say who should have PM'd who, status or no status, we are all people of equal rights. Just keep in mind, I was the one jumped on, BY HER, about the correction of certain words, which I have all successfully refuted. Being respected member gives one no immunity from making mistakes.......and having to admit it when they are in the wrong.
Besides, had I kept our "sharp" conversation quiet, think of how many Russian members would have missed out on learning about the wonders of English grammar.
Thanks for the good words re: my translating activity here. Cheers.

sandringsandring    الأثنين, 19/08/2019 - 11:33

First of all, обед is lunch, not dinner. So you might as well change your dinners into their lunches. What do I care? When you said your wife is English I finally understood your own definition of your own English "Next to native"  Wink smile

MityMity    الأثنين, 19/08/2019 - 11:46

Good one, Nadia.

(I've never claimed my English to be perfect, but...
It's miles better than the skills of others here, though.)

BratBrat    الأثنين, 19/08/2019 - 12:02

Эй, товарищи! Вы Майти
Напрочь кайф-то не ломайте!
Может быть, его клещи -
Лишь прикрытье от мощи...
Wink smile

St. SolSt. Sol    الأثنين, 19/08/2019 - 12:20

Mity, in case you didn't know she is always like that unless dealing with her favorites and their works: in this case, a complete misunderstanding of the source, wild interpretations, and poor grammar are all A-Ok and actually laudable. Go figure.

JadisJadis    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 12:36

There is one point that made me raise an eyebrow, it's this "being being". I guess that grammatically it's correct (1st=noun, 2nd=present participle), but this phonetical repetition doesn't sound great to my ear (and makes me think of the comedy called Boeing Boeing ) Wink smile
 

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 12:42

And, Mity, you should also know that we all strive (or should) to sound great to Jadis' ear. Joking.

JadisJadis    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 12:55

Hmmm, talking about my ear, I just sent you a PM about some dubious rhyme you committed... Wink smile
 

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 13:13

oui mon général, give me few minutes - I'm looking for slippers online

JadisJadis    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 13:47

Preferably slippers, rather than bronze ashtrays or marble press-papers, please.

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 12:56

Jadis, I appreciate your comment.

The "Being being", is there for a reason, to produce a slightly unsettling sound effect to the ears.

For added impact, if you like.

BratBrat    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 13:45

You'd better apostrophize the second ''being'' for it sounds like :bein': because of diphthongization.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 16:30

Just as a continuation of this not-so-skinny discussion: I recalled that there is another very common use of "skinny" to objects other than people: skinny trees. Artists use this phrase a LOT. I bet that a number of other examples could be found, including "skinny cars": "...of what we called "skinny" cars in the N Texas area in the late 60s early 70s. It was an evolution from the earlier full width 55-57 Chevys..." There is The Skinny House in Boston, but I guess it is just an aptly named building.

MityMity    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 16:08

BRILLIANT POINT! Exactly right. English, just like Russian is not a rigid language whose rules are set in stone. English poetry sets an excellent example of that. Of course, one's language skills must be fairly advanced to fully appreciate it.

BratBrat    الأحد, 18/08/2019 - 16:14

That's one of those rare cases where a literal straightforward translation might work fairly.
The actual meaning of the original "худой" is 'shabby', 'holey'.

sandringsandring    الثلاثاء, 20/08/2019 - 05:09

The lyrics have been edited. When first published the poem had two parts. Please, edit your translation. Thank you.

OpalMoonOpalMoon    الثلاثاء, 20/08/2019 - 16:54
5

I'd only suggest changing infantile (sixth line from the bottom) to child-like or guileless. Infantile has a bit of a negative association to it, as if immature, while you're going for something more pure and innocent.

MityMity    الثلاثاء, 20/08/2019 - 17:02

You have a point. For me this whole poem had a negative association. ))))))Child-like it is.