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Журавли (Zhuravli) (إلى الإنكليزية ترجم)

إلى الإنكليزية ترجمالإنكليزية (poetic, rhyming, singable)
A A

The cranes

النسخ: #1#2#3#4#5#6#7#8#9#10
I often think of our heroic soldiers
That never came back from the bloody plains
Imagine them not lying dead in polders
But still alive just turned into white cranes
 
Since those days till now taking off in
The flocks they fly above and give us cries
And maybe that's the reason that we often
Go silent, sad, look up into the skies
 
They fly and fly above and they are tired
The foggy day is nearing the end
I see a gap and I think what's transpired
They call on me to fill it, to ascend
 
A day will come I'll join the cranes in flying
In their flock through evening glaucous haze
From high above I will be sadly crying
For all I knew and loved in those days
 
I often think of our heroic soldiers
That never came back from the bloody plains
Imagine them not lying dead in polders
But still alive just turned into white cranes
 
شكراً!
thanked 10 times
This is a poetic translation - deviations from the meaning of the original are present (extra words, extra or omitted information, substituted concepts).
تم نشره بواسطة Dr_IgorDr_Igor في الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 03:37
تم تعديله آخر مرة بواسطة Dr_IgorDr_Igor في الثلاثاء, 25/01/2022 - 04:28
تعليقات الكاتب:

To my beautiful and talented editor of "all things Hebrew" Lena [@LenaPt] whose singable translation of this song to Hebrew was inspirational. For my series Poliglotka, I needed at least one more language to sing it in.
Она мне говорит
У кого что болит
Вот я знаю иврит
Ни к чему мне англит
У меня синусит
Не боись - не Ковид
Слышу кто то басит,
Вероятно русит
Может он сибарит
И бардак сотворит
Ну а может завлит
И чего посулит
Как же кончить мне it?
Просто как простатит.

5
تصنيفك: None Average: 5 (1 vote)
التعليقات
BratBrat    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 12:51

Hey, it's pretty singable, indeed!
Though the line
Since those days till now taking off in
is 2 syllables shorter than that of the original.
I can see the way one can sing it but it would be better to apply some tweaking like this:
From those old times till nowadays taking off in
It would be better even stylistically, IMO.
Moreover, there's another instance of 'those days' to be tweaked somehow, otherwise it is highly likely to mislead readers on the period of time implied:
For all I knew and loved in those days
Wouldn't it be better to use "in my past days" instead?

IremiaIremia    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 13:34

Хороший перевод, Игорь! Но я согласна с Братом - в припеве не хватает слогов.

Since those days till now taking off in
The flocks they fly above and give us cries => since those old days till nowadays they fly in
The flocks above us uttering short cries

И ещё в конце:

From high above I will be sadly crying
For all I knew and loved in those days =>

For all I knew and loved in those old days

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 15:07

Братья и сестры!
Дам вам полный ответ через пару часов. Соглашаться не буду видимо, т.к. у меня спето и записано.
Ключевое слово моего будущего ответа - дифтонг. Когда надо или очень хочется он поется на две ноты.
В некоторых случаях (those) засунуть его в одну короткую ноту - давиться.
Вспоминаются дни дифтонговых дискуссий - https://lyricstranslate.com/en/kogda-ya-vernus-day-i-return.html
Хорошее было время.

BratBrat    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 15:26

Дифтонги растянуты, песенка спета,
Осталось запостить в ютубе всё это...

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 18:20

Конэчно, конэчно, какой, Брат, проблэма
Запостим запустим и будэт поэма
И будэт поэма проблэмы то нЭма
Вэдь нэ тэорэма и дажэ нэ лэмма

LenaPtLenaPt    السبت, 29/01/2022 - 08:21

Очень красиво  Regular smile

VerulaVerula    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 16:14

A beautiful translation and a beautiful song.

VerulaVerula    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 16:14

...and I hope to translate it soon. 💗

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 18:19

You never fail to make your hopes come through!

VerulaVerula    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 18:36

Hahahahaha - there are still, let me see, 80 Severyanin-Igoriadas left! But this song is already translated.

VerulaVerula    الأثنين, 24/01/2022 - 18:43

Yeah! Leonid's and Freia's translation are very good, so there was no need for a third one, but it was such a wonderful song that I didn't want to go without…

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