Kruchina (Кручина) (إلى الإنكليزية ترجم)

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Kruchina (Кручина)

Кручина
 
Навалилася кручина на голову мою,
Будто тонкая лучина, скоро догорю…
Путь в ночи, во тьме кромешной
Пролегает мой,
Ты явись ко мне, родная,
Ясною зарей…
 
Долго брел, как прокаженный
Во чужом краю –
Не найдя к тебе дороги,
Песнь запел свою…
Может, вдруг, ты в небе чистом
Птицею паришь –
Если так, прошу, родная,
Песнь мою услышь!
 
Залечи душевны раны,
Вразуми дитя
Да могучими крылами
Обними меня…
 
Знаю, предков не достоин,
Жил я чужаком,
От тебя уйти пытался
Нищим беглецом…
Но не смог, и рвется сердце
От деяний тех,
Без тебя не светит солнце,
Кончен жизни бег.
 
Залечи душевны раны,
Вразуми дитя
Да могучими крылами
Обними меня…
 
Залечи душевны раны,
Вразуми дитя
Да могучими крылами
Обними меня…
 
تم نشره بواسطة Richard CoombesRichard Coombes في السبت, 26/11/2016 - 08:42
تم تعديله آخر مرة بواسطة Richard CoombesRichard Coombes في الأحد, 11/12/2016 - 15:04
تعليقات الناشر:

Lyrics from Skolot's VKontakte page. Written by Aleksey "Folk" Pavlov.

إلى الإنكليزية ترجمالإنكليزية
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Sorrow

Sorrow
 
Such a weight of grief and sorrow overwhelms my mind,
thin and dry, a brief tomorrow, cold the fires of time
In the night, in deepest darkness,
lies the road, my way,
Show yourself to me, my darling,
as a clear new day
 
As a leper, alone and banished,
my years of wandering
When the road to you had vanished,
I began to sing
Maybe in the purest heaven
as a bird you fly
If you do, then please, my darling,
hear my song, my cry
 
Give my wounded soul your healing,
help the child to see
In your wings, so strong and living,
hold me (hold me)
 
A wretched son to all my fathers
outcast have I lived,
I tried to go, tried to leave you
a ragged fugitive
I could not, my heart was breaking
from the wrongs I'd done,
Without you there is no waking,
the race of life is run
 
Give my wounded soul your healing,
help the child to see
In your wings, so strong and living,
hold me
 
Give my wounded soul your healing,
help the child to see
In your wings, so strong and living,
hold me (hold me)
 
(C) Richard Coombes. Feel free to make use of this translation, but please always attribute to Richard Coombes. Thank you
تم نشره بواسطة Richard CoombesRichard Coombes في السبت, 26/11/2016 - 08:44
تعليقات الكاتب:

(C) Richard Coombes. Feel free to make use of this translation, but please always attribute to Richard Coombes. Thank you

التعليقات
Richard CoombesRichard Coombes    السبت, 26/11/2016 - 13:31

Thank you! Confession time: I know that what I wrote for line 2 is not a particularly close translation of what Aleksey wrote. I will definitely have a think about how I can get a bit closer - thank you for the rushlight reference, I had not appreciated that. Just to explain how I ended up where I am now: My aim is to produce singable versions of these songs, where the rhythm and rhyming patterns are preserved as much as my poor brain can manage, and where, of course, the sense is accurately conveyed as well. In places where I can't persuade a more literal translation to be gracious enough to yield up the right kind of rhythm and rhyme, I delve into the Russian words to see if I can extract something English that conveys the idea while keeping the rhythm and rhyme. From Будто тонкая лучина, скоро догорю… I understood this basic idea: "Like a thin splinter, I shall soon have burned down [or up, or out]". In my version, 'Thin and dry' comes from the splinter, 'a brief tomorrow' comes from the overall sense of there being only a short time remaining, 'cold the fires of time' is derived from догорю plus (again) the sense of time being short, while 'tomorrow' and 'time' nod in the direction of end-rhyming or internally-rhyming with 'sorrow' and 'mind'.

sandringsandring    السبت, 26/11/2016 - 22:30

I'm into singables myself, so I'll come up with a singable version of this line tomorrow. The parts of this are correct but they don't work as a whole. Never mind. We'll think of something. Regular smile

Richard CoombesRichard Coombes    الأحد, 27/11/2016 - 11:11

Thank you. I'll be interested to see what you come up with, though in general, if you don't mind, my preference would be to re-work myself (for further review, of course), having received your steer.