Одинокий кот l Odinokiy kot (превод на иврит)

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Одинокий кот l Odinokiy kot

Брожу по улице, как одинокий кот
Людей я не боюсь - не ходит здесь никто
Ни ветер не гуляет, ни роса
Лишь одинокая здесь царствует слеза
 
Лишь ей одной доверить я могу
Чего по улице давно один бреду
Что я нашел и что ищу
Что в жизни этой получить хочу
 
Ни цели не имею, ни мечты
Для цели, знаете, все средства хороши
Ну а мечта найдет меня тогда
Когда полюбит кто-нибудь такого вот кота
 
Публикувано от Marica NicolskaMarica Nicolska в пет., 15/06/2018 - 15:23
Последно редактирано от FloppylouFloppylou в пон., 10/06/2019 - 14:34
превод на ивритиврит
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חתול בודד

אני נודד ברחוב, כמו חתול בודד
מאנשים איני מפחד- לא עובר כאן אף אחד
ורוח אינה מתהלכת , ולא טל
רק בודדה שלטת כאן דמעה.
 
רק לה בלבד לגלות אני יכול
מדוע ברחוב מזמן אני בודד הוזה
מה מצאתי ומה אחפש
מה בחיים הללו לקבל אחפוץ
 
לא מטרה לי ולא חלום
למטרה, יודעים אתם, כל האמצעים כשרים
והחלום ימצא אותי רק אז
כאשר יאהב מישהו חתול כמוני
 
Публикувано от IsraelWuIsraelWu в четв., 20/06/2019 - 10:37
Авторът на този превод е включил опцията за проверка на превода.
Това означава, че той/тя ще се радва да получи поправки, предложения и т.н. относно превода.
Ако имате достатъчно познания и по двата езика от езиковата двойка, моля, остави своите коментари.
Коментари
Andrew ParfenAndrew Parfen    нед., 30/06/2019 - 05:17

הי, ישראל! שוב אני כאן.
אני חושב שהתרגומ שלך טוב ולא צריך לשנות דבר. אני רק רוצה להיות בטוח שאתה הבנת כמה דברים נכון.

מדוע ברחוב מזמן אני בודד הוזה.
הפועל "бреду" כאן זה "אני מסתובב, אני משוטט, אני מטייל".

ואם לשמור על דקדוק:
מה מצאתי ומה מחפש
מה בחיים הללו לקבל חפץ
- זה חיפש וחפץ בהווה. זה רק אם לשמור על דקדוק, אני לא יודע, אולי יש לך סיבה לעשות אחרת.

זה הוא. תודה על התרגום!

IsraelWuIsraelWu    нед., 30/06/2019 - 05:43

Hi Andrey,
Thanks, it's OK. Strictly speaking you are right but... In "high" Hebrew (as much as something like this exists) this future tense is kind of "continuous present" - "I want it from now on (and I will continue wanting it), till I get it" (or according to the tenses: "till I"ll get it" would be perhaps be grammatically more correct but nobody speaks like this, the "till" makes it OK).
I did it without thinking even, kind of autopilot, to use a "not every day" language.

Andrew ParfenAndrew Parfen    нед., 30/06/2019 - 07:01

תודה על ההסבר. לפעמים אני נתקל בזה בשירים אחרים ואני החלפתי זמן בתרגומים שלי ולא ידעתי אם אני עושה נכון. אז זה נראה בסדר, זהת לא הייתה טעות

IsraelWuIsraelWu    нед., 30/06/2019 - 09:05

אתה עושה נכון.
I make mistakes, start it one way and change in the middle and something from the previous trial "sticks" to the text. I check it, of course, but the eye sees what your mind expects to see. That's one of the reasons I try to come back to a poem in a day or two and check it. Usually no big changes but some punctuation, missing letter or exchanged order of letters, etc. You do what we have always done in my original profession: one person does the computations, another ones checks it being sure (!) that the first one did it wrong ! :-). But be careful, we joked that if the first one did a mistake we should cut off his hand, if the second one didn't catch the mistake we should cut off his head :-)

IsraelWuIsraelWu    нед., 30/06/2019 - 09:10

You see, it should be " another one" not "another ones". I saw it the moment I sent it.
Again, thank you for having my back, I appreciate it.

Andrew ParfenAndrew Parfen    нед., 30/06/2019 - 09:35

Yeah, that's why I like to translate songs which I pick myself rather than from other requests - this way I can translate them as long as I need, without any rush: several days, even weeks. Each evening I think my translation is done and perfect but I postpone publishing it till the coming morning and next day I always find some better solutions. You remeber us discussing that Harel Skot's song about threesomes? I'd been translating it for more than year, I didn't publish it 'cause every day I felt I miss something in my translation.

IsraelWuIsraelWu    пон., 01/07/2019 - 08:47

מדוע ברחוב מזמן אני בודד הוזה
הפועל "бреду" כאן זה "אני מסתובב, אני משוטט, אני מטייל".

Andrey,
Didn’t understand your warning when I looked at your comment the first time.
брожу = משוטט , that's what I knew, OK??
Бреду = הוזה , being delirious, unless Бреду is a form of брожу in slang or everyday speech. It surprised me at first , but I've checked the translation and the "new" word fitted quite well too (you know – poets) so I used it not thinking of it anymore.
Well , am I wrong about the translations? You think I should I let it be or change ?
Thanks
Israel

Andrew ParfenAndrew Parfen    пон., 01/07/2019 - 10:44

היי ישראל

As I said before you don't need to change anything. It's not a big deal, and if it sounds better in your language or persanally to you, or in terms of poetry - it's okey.

But as I guess most of LT users do translations here to evoluate their language skills and learn new things. So it's up to you how you translate it, but I'd like to make sure you understand it right.

It's 100% that it means "I'm wandering alone in the streets", or "roaming", I'm not that good in English to say for sure. It means something like "to walk aimlessly". I'm not sure which is the base form for this verb: "бродить" или "брести", they look to me quite alike. If I'd had to say in Russian "I hallucinate", I'd say: "я брежу", "я в бреду", " у меня бред".

If you are still wondering what needs to be done I'd suggest to leave it as it is and add a footnote with litteral translation. From my point of view there are too many verbs in the verse used with the same meaning - to walk. A verb with a different meaning between all those "walk" wouldn't spoil your translation. Regular smile

Andrew ParfenAndrew Parfen    пон., 01/07/2019 - 10:59

Here I found interesting lyrics:
https://lyricstranslate.com/en/konstantin-nikolsky-%D1%8F-%D0%B1%D1%80%D...

Я бреду по бездорожью, мысли рвутся как в бреду,
Каждый шаг неосторожный мне из радости в беду, Regular smile

More
https://lyricstranslate.com/en/yuta-%D0%B8%D0%B4%D1%83-%D0%B1%D1%80%D0%B...

And more
https://lyricstranslate.com/en/clandestino-clandestino-%D0%BD%D0%B5%D0%B...
Regular smile

IsraelWuIsraelWu    пон., 01/07/2019 - 15:57

Thanks,
I have to see the the references, digest it and come with some footnote explaining it.
I know exactly what брожу is in Polish, I remember the song "бродяга k Байкалу подходит" and a remember from the 50-ies song by Hindi singer Raj Kapur which goes "something, something, бродяга я, авара я, авара я". In English the best fit would be "wanderer" without defined target of the trip (see we use trip as if for grass).
Бреду is in Polish bredzę, (I hallucinate, talk nonsense, usually under influence of fever or drugs). It seems in Russian they somehow overlap (perhaps to wander without target you somehow start with drugs :-). One learns, thanks again.
BTW: you gave me some courage, I just translated something from Hebrew to Russian ( a singer I like, my generation) but I"ll go over it once or twice again so you have less babysitting to do (tonight, tomorrow, we'll see). And feel entirely free about Hebrew (or Polish).