Love Song (превод на Френски)

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Поискал/а предложения за корекция
превод на Френски

Chanson d'Amour

Chaque fois que je suis seul avec toi,
grace à toi je me sens chez moi à nouveau,
Chaque fois que je suis seul avec toi,
grace à toi je me sens entier encore une fois.
 
Chaque fois que je suis seul avec toi,
je me sens, grace à toi, jeune encore une fois.
Chaque fois que je suis seul avec toi,
je me sens, grace à toi, amusant à nouveau.
 
Même bien loin de toi
je t'aimerai toujours.
Même si je reste longtemps
je t'aimerai toujours.
Quoi que je dise
je t'aimerai toujours ;
je t'aimerai toujours.
 
Chaque fois que je suis seul avec toi,
tu me fais me sentir libre encore une fois.
Chaque fois que je suis seul avec toi,
tu me fais me sentir propre á nouveau.
 
Même bien loin de toi
je t'aimerai toujours.
Même si je reste longtemps
je t'aimerai toujours.
Quoi que je dise
je t'aimerai toujours ;
je t'aimerai toujours.
 
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Пуснато от michealtmichealt в Пет, 15/02/2019 - 21:40
Авторът на този превод е поискал "Предложения за корекция".
Това означава, че той/тя ще се радва да получи корекции, предложения и т.н. относно превода.
Ако владееш и двата езика от езиковата двойка, моля, остави своите коментари.
Английски

Love Song

Коментари
ingirumimusnocteingirumimusnocte    Пет, 15/02/2019 - 22:00

Being on a French translation spree, are you? Wink smile
I idolized the Cure in my teens. This feels like a bite of Proust's famous cookie.

You make me feel like I am home/whole again -> I think that requires a bit more adaptation.
"feel at home" and "feel whole" have a meaning on their own.
The equivalent of "you make me feel" sounds heavy in French. I think you could easily delete it and retain the same meaning. Or maybe add "grâce à toi" in the end.
What about "je me sens à nouveau à l'aise / moi-même / jeune / drôle / libre / pur (grâce à toi)" ?

jeun -> typo

N'importe à quelle distance -> That doesn't work very well. "à n'importe quelle distance" sounds technical.
"aussi loin que je sois" maybe ? Or rather "Même (bien/très) loin de toi" ?

N'importe combien de temps je reste ->"Même si je ne reste pas" or something like that.
I suppose the point is that he can't engage in a stable relationship, so I'd rather say that in a more idiomatic way.

N'importe qu'est-ce que je dis -> that error is typical of little kids Regular smile
That's the logical thing to say, but we shorten it into "ce que je dis".
"Quoi que je dise" would sound much nicer though.

michealtmichealt    Пет, 15/02/2019 - 23:50

French translation spree - yes. I decided to translate a few songs quickly, without too much thinking about wht would be a good fit, just to see if I remembered how to speak French, If this song and the previous one are typical, I've forgotten too much. The reason I decided to do that is simply that I needed to look at some decent love songs to keep my sanity, I'm finding it near impossible to cope with losing Ann.
Thanks, Pierre - maybe I'll recover some decent level of fluency and get out of this using too many words disease if I get enough of your corrections. And the love songs will help keep me sane even if my translations aren't what they should be.