Старая военная (Staraya voennaya) (превод на Английски)

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Поискал/а предложения за корекция

Старая военная (Staraya voennaya)

Отшумели песни нашего полка.
Отзвенели звонкие копыта.
Пулями пробито днище котелка.
Маркитантка юная убита.
Пулями пробито днище котелка.
Маркитантка юная убита...
 
Нас осталось мало, мы да наша боль.
Нас немного и врагов немного.
Живы мы покуда - фронтовая голь,
А воскреснем, - райская дорога.
Живы мы покуда - фронтовая голь,
А воскреснем, - райская дорога.
 
Руки на прикладе, голова в тоске.
А душа уже взлетела вроде.
Для чего мы пишем кровью на песке?
Наши письма не нужны природе.
Для чего мы пишем кровью на песке?
Наши письма не нужны природе.
 
Спите себе братцы, всё придет опять.
Новые родятся командиры.
Новые солдаты станут получать
Вечные казенные квартиры.
Новые солдаты станут получать
Вечные казенные квартиры.
 
Спите себе братцы, все вернется вновь
Все должно в природе повториться.
И слова и пули, и любовь и кровь.
Времени не будет помириться.
И слова и пули, и любовь и кровь.
Времени не будет помириться.
 
Давай!
 
Отшумели песни нашего полка.
Отзвенели звонкие копыта.
Пулями пробито днище котелка.
Маркитантка юная убита.
Пулями пробито днище котелка.
Маркитантка юная убита...
 
Пуснато от sam_lsam_l в Нед, 20/01/2019 - 22:51
Последно редактирано от ltlt на Втр, 19/03/2019 - 10:12

An old song about war

Версии: #1#2
The songs of our regiment have been sung.
Our horses' hooves became silent.
Bullets pierced the bottom of our cooking pot.
Our young canteen girl has been killed.
Bullets pierced the bottom of our cooking pot.
Our young canteen girl has been killed.
 
There are few of us left, just us and our pain.
There's not many of us, nor of the enemy.
Yet we, the cannon fodders, are still alive somewhere,
and the road to heavens awaits those who fell.
Yet we, the cannon fodders, are still alive somewhere,
and the road to heavens awaits those who fell.
 
Hands on the breeches1, heads in sorrow.
As for our souls, they already soared away.
Why do we write in blood on the sand?
Nature has no use for our letters.
Why do we write in blood on the sand?
Nature has no use for our letters.
 
Sleep on, brothers, it will all happen again.
New commanders will be born,
and new soldiers will be granted
accommodations2 the State will own forever.
New soldiers will be granted
accommodations the State will own forever.
 
Sleep on, brothers, it will all come back.
Everything is meant to repeat itself in nature.
Words as well as bullets, love as well as blood.
There will never be time to make peace.
Words as well as bullets, love as well as blood.
There will never be time to make peace.
 
Come on!
 
The songs of our regiment have been sung.
Our horses' hooves became silent.
Bullets pierced the bottom of our cooking pot.
Our young canteen girl has been killed.
Bullets pierced the bottom of our cooking pot.
Our young canteen girl has been killed...
 
  • 1. technically the shutter on a rifle that you pull to load a new cartridge into the breech
  • 2. might be an allusion to mass graves
Пуснато от ГостГост в Пет, 08/02/2019 - 15:01
Добавен превод, изпълнявайки заявка, направена от sam_lsam_l
Коментари на автора:

Okudzhava's poetry is unmistakable. They changed a few words here and there, but the meaning remains about the same.

Авторът на този превод е поискал "Предложения за корекция".
Това означава, че той/тя ще се радва да получи корекции, предложения и т.н. относно превода.
Ако владееш и двата езика от езиковата двойка, моля, остави своите коментари.
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Коментари
St. SolSt. Sol    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 16:58

Few corrections:
Отзвенели == [the songs] (have) finished playing
Живы мы покуда - фронтовая голь, == As long as we live, we are the front line poors {i.e.: cannon fodder)
Вечные казенные квартиры == forever state-owned apartments (i.e., never to be our own)
Спите себе братцы == Keep sleeping, brothers
Времени не будет помириться. == There won't [ever] be time to make peace (or: for peace)

Regards, St.

ingirumimusnocteingirumimusnocte    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:04

Thank you kindly, this one was definitively outside my Russian comfort zone Regular smile

ingirumimusnocteingirumimusnocte    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:11

Thanks, I've been writing English like French yet again Regular smile

BratBrat    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:16

This seems to be one of your "subtelties". Wink smile

ingirumimusnocteingirumimusnocte    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:18

That's a really nice name for my persistent inability to handle double consonants.

BratBrat    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:21

Oh, I thought it was "scrapping the barrel's bottom"... Teeth smile

ingirumimusnocteingirumimusnocte    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:22

That too, but I would rather call that necessity than subtelty Wink smile

BratBrat    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:25

Yeah, we all have many features that make us recognisable.

ingirumimusnocteingirumimusnocte    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:30

Hopefully so. I wonder if that will still be true after a couple decades talking indiscriminately to neural networks and humans. Hopefully either I or Google will be dead before that happens.

BratBrat    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:39

Well, as Google seems to be half-dead nowadays, we won't have to wait for ages...

ingirumimusnocteingirumimusnocte    Пет, 08/02/2019 - 17:43

Mmm... So had been Apple during the 90's. The sooner mankind is rid of this monster the better, but I'm afraid we'll have to be content with wishful thinking for quite a while before that happens.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Срд, 13/03/2019 - 20:38

Hi, ingirumimusnocte.

Just curious about this verse:
Новые солдаты будут получать
Вечные казенные квартиры.

Could it be that it is not about apartments at all?
A WW2 song, and maybe it is not about real estate, but more of Eternal apartments - like new soldiers will be put to rest in the ground, just like our generation? That's my understanding, not sure if it is correct one, but to me it make sense with line Спите себе братцы, все вернется вновь.
And previous verses are pretty doomed too - blood-on-the-sand; road to heaven. Maybe I just let my imagination go to far, but...

ingirumimusnocteingirumimusnocte    Срд, 13/03/2019 - 21:19

That's an interesting interpretation. I'm afraid my Russian is not good enough to get a feel for that kind of symbolism, but Okudzhava certainly used a lot of allusive metaphors. I've added a small footnote.

valeryvdrvaleryvdr    Срд, 24/04/2019 - 04:07

Definitely "Вечные казенные квартиры" does not mean apartments, it means a final resting place. Otherwise it does not make any sense, conscripted solders were not given any real estate for their service.

ltlt    Втр, 19/03/2019 - 10:13

The source lyrics have been updated. Please review your translation.

BratBrat    Втр, 19/03/2019 - 14:11

Though reviewing will require only copypasting the last 2 lines of each stanza... Regular smile