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De Profundis (превод на иврит)

английски
английски
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De Profundis

Oh, is it, then, Utopian
To hope that I may meet a man
Who'll not relate, in accents suave,
The tales of girls he used to have?
 
Публикувано от IremiaIremia в(ъв)/на нед., 19/09/2021 - 04:49
Коментар от качилия текста:

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превод на ивритиврит (metered, поетичен, римуван)
Подравняване на параграфите

מִמַּעֲמַקִּים

אז מה זה באמת בְּסַך הַכֹּל אוטופי
למצוא איזה בחור שהוא לא סתם קרבּון קופּי
של אלה שדבר אחד הֵם בחיים יודעים
ועל נשים לשעבר כל יום רק מדברים
 
Благодаря!
Това е поетичен превод – възможни са отклонения от оригиналния текст (допълнителни или изпуснати думи или информация, заместване на една дума с друга).
Публикувано от Dr_IgorDr_Igor в(ъв)/на съб., 25/09/2021 - 01:08
Коментари
Dr_IgorDr_Igor    съб., 25/09/2021 - 18:50

OK, Alisa, Israel, T, David, Moshe, my brothers and sisters in Hebrew, let's do it again. I hope you got the end of the second line. Kinda non-standard
[@AdelaideArt] , [@IsraelWu] , [@OgingerO] , [@david_kotler] , [@Moshe Kaye]

IsraelWuIsraelWu    съб., 25/09/2021 - 19:58

Well, perhaps not a carbon copy of the original. Technically, I seem to remember that pizza carbonara would be printed in Hebrew menu as
פיצה קרבונרה
and I think that I would feel better about copy being
קופי
though it seems like a coffee, but in Hebrew coffee is following French (café) so no chance of mistake, except for the illitérati
Otherwise, as it is in Hebrew letters, it should pass scrutiny of the Big Brother. I see that you know what I am talking about - you've changed the De Profundis into
ממעמקים
If you want Hebrew proper, you could go for
שכפול
(duplicate, duplication),
You could also go for
סיסי
or even
בסיסי
as Cc or Bcc (or basic)
Otherwise, no complaints, enjoy :-)

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    съб., 25/09/2021 - 20:22

Israel, totally accept kuf instead of caf - I had no clue how it would be transcribed in Hebrew letters - my invention. But פיצה קרבונרה is a valid argument. There should be a semi-official transcription of "copy". As for ממעמקים, I think "De Profundis" is the Latin title for the translation of psalm 130 from the old testament and ממעמקים is from there - I didn't translate, just took it from there.

IsraelWuIsraelWu    нед., 26/09/2021 - 14:59

I know, I know, just pulling your leg. And, you can check, I once translated here a poem from Polish, where the poet put a couple of lines in Latin (Caesar's beginning of the conquest of Gaul). Till then, I have always translated lines of a second language used in the text. Here I left it as is and put the translation in remarks, assuming this is what the poet wanted and everybody would recognize it (or look up the text). They wanted to crucify me, till I put the original in remarks and the translation inline.
Hence, the "De Profundis" remark

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    нед., 26/09/2021 - 15:32

Got it. Actually, when I translated De Profundis to Russian I left the title in Latin. It made the most sense. But here because Hebrew was the "original original" I changed the approach.

OgingerOOgingerO    нед., 26/09/2021 - 04:27

I'm not into poetry as such, but I don't get the translation... especially the carbon copy reference at all. Can you explain please?
Maybe it's because I'm not into poetry. But it seems like she's looking for a guy who's not a practiced 'player' and one who doesn't brag about his exes?

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    нед., 26/09/2021 - 13:33

"Carbon copy" is often used to describe something that is very similar (almost identical) to something else. So she is looking for a guy who is not similar to those guys who do brag about their exes.

OgingerOOgingerO    нед., 26/09/2021 - 15:08

I know 😊 but it seems very abstract to use it in this manner. Not like the other guys doesn't equal carbon copy to me... More like a type than a copy. But, again, not into poetry much, so it might read differently to others.

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    нед., 26/09/2021 - 15:29

T, this is what poetry is - a bunch of wild exaggerations. Poetic license - have you heard the term?
Why aren't you into poetry? Try it, it's fun.

AdelaideArtAdelaideArt    ср., 29/09/2021 - 05:44

Спасибо за красивый перевод стихотворения на иврит!
Так как я знаю иврит сильно лучше английского (притом иврит я также знаю не особенно хорошо), ваш перевод помог мне понять смысл оригинала: я думаю, именно он и был заложен в оригинальный стих.
Насколько я понимаю, лирическая героиня стихотворения говорит о том, что настоящая Утопия для неё — найти особенного, отличного от большинства людей молодого человека?
Если это так, то я думаю, что вы очень красиво, аккуратно и лирично передали этот смысл в своём переводе. В нём есть и красивый ритм, и рифма, и вообще гармония звуков... Это очень хорошо! Спасибо за перевод. Regular smile

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    ср., 29/09/2021 - 05:51

Алиса,
спасибо Вам, что пришли прочитать. Заметьте, что тут есть три перевода на русский. Любой из них видимо ближе к оригиналу, чем мой перевод на иврит. Если Вы прочитаете все, то у Вас должна создаться более точная картина, что же в оригинале.

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