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английски
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#1234567

The Red and Yellow Days

My train's stalled in the depot
Time has come - I'm departing again
The wind 's blowing while waiting for me
Autumn, sister of mine, is behind the door.
 
After the red and yellow days
The winter will begin and end
I've got my woe from wit once again
Don't be sad, keep going with a smile
And I will come back home
With a shield, or maybe on it
With some silver, or being in need
But as soon as I can
 
Tell me 'bout those who are tired
Due to ruthless street dramas
About the temple made of broken hearts
About those who are coming to it
 
After the red and yellow days
The winter will begin and end
I've got my woe from wit once again
Don't be sad, keep going with a smile
And I will come back home
With a shield, or maybe on it
With some silver, or being in need
But as soon as I can
 
I dreamed, I saw the Love that reigns
I dreamed, I saw the Dream that reigns
A star was shining brightly from the sky
I woke up understanding - it's grief...
 
After the red and yellow days
The winter will begin and end
I've got my woe from wit once again
Don't be sad, keep going with a smile
And I will come back home
With a shield, or maybe on it
With some silver, or being in need
But as soon as I can
 
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Красно-желтые дни

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английски #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7
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Изказвания
quidnuncquidnunc    четвъртък, 30/07/2015 - 10:41

Wazzup! :D Here are some suggestions:

1). "My train stalled in the depot" - I think that Present Perfect suits here better, because this event has the impact on present time => "My train has stalled in the depot". But nowadays it's not so crucial anymore, so...
2). THE wind is blowing while waiting for me
3). I've got my woe from wit once again
Don't be sad, keep going with smile

In Russian, it definitely looks like he's talking to his woe from wit. So, it would be,
Oh, my woe from wit,
Don't be sad, keep going with A smile (don't forget "a")

4). With a silver, or being in need - the "a" is not needed, because silver is uncountable. If you need to put something there, so that it'd be singable, put "some":

With some silver, or being in need

5). Tell about those who are tired
I can't find the rule, but I'm quite sure that you have to say "tell someone" => Tell me

Tell me about those who are tired
Tell me of those who are tired

6). About the temple of broken hearts - would translate as И о храме разбитых сердец (without "из").
About the temple MADE of broken hearts

7). Star was shining nicely from sky => A star was shining nicely from THE sky
or
THE star was shining nicely from THE sky (in case it was some specific star:))
8 ). I woke up understanding - it's grief - it's A grief

Cheers! :D

Oleksandr_Oleksandr_
   четвъртък, 30/07/2015 - 12:09

Oh, thank you so much, Kate!
I worry about the "singability" too much :)
That is why I often tend to neglect of the grammar rules.
All of your suggestions were accepted, except the line about the "woe from wit". Though I realize that you're right concerning the context of the phrase, I needed a longer phrase there. So I had changed the meaning of the phrase slightly and as a result got the phrase of necessary length.

Щиро дякую! :)

sandringsandring    четвъртък, 31/03/2016 - 07:08

Why, Alex! This is super! If need be my students will get your translation. There's no work for me left. But I'd suggest the following (I'm giving the same number of syllables not the break the rhythm.

1. With a shield, or maybe on it
With some silver, or being in need = May be in silver or may be in need
2. I woke up understanding - it's a grief..= I woke up to understand - it's disaster
(grief - страдание, неисчисляемое)
3. shining brightly - "nicely" is a misfit but I don't know why - just a feel.
Cheers! :love:

St. SolSt. Sol    понеделник, 28/11/2016 - 17:46

Please check out the alternative English translation I've just posted, that hopefully fully preserved the lead voice's rhythmic structure.

St. SolSt. Sol    понеделник, 28/11/2016 - 21:10

Well, after some careful polishing, I believe it does (as I always check my translations against music and lead vocals) :)