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Jokes/Aνέκδοτα

388 posts / 0 new
Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Darling Bride, tis for you:

Practice is when everything works, but it is not clear how.
Theory is when everything is clear, but nothing works.
But still, sometimes theory and practice are combined: nothing works and nothing is clear.

Keep To Yourself
<a href="/bn/translator/makis17" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1208934">makis17</a>
যোগদান: 31.05.2014

What does an owl with attitude have?
A scowl!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/jadis" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1387945">Jadis</a>
যোগদান: 01.07.2018

Kind of.

অতিথি
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Why is this for me? I don't get it.

অতিথি
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- Πως λεγεται το γιαουρτι με χερια και ποδια?
- Γιαουρτι με μελη(ι)!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Lol, because you were strict about your rule and this joke popped into my head. It is how my mind works... I loved your poems. Fix electricity - tiny typo

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

LOL, guys, you might consider to split this thread to “Ελληνικά ανέκδοτα”, “Анекдоты русскоговорящих”, “English jokes”, “Translated to predefined list of languages, but still remaining funny in all of them” and “All genders appropriate phrases” Regular smile

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Eh - NO! I like it here. I asked for permission to do English jokes and queen Maria (the other one) granted it. Russians know their jokes, but I got another brain exercise to find a joke in Russian and translate it. Soo, don't ruin a good thing for me. Lol

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

Haha, Deanna, we do:
— Почему сперма в банке спермы стоит дороже, чем кровь в банке крови? — Ручная работа...
— Why sperm in the sperm bank is more expensive than blood in the blood bank? — Because it is hand made...

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Why your nickname is BlackSea4Ever?

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Because I was born and raised in Odessa. Black Sea is in my soul. I used to sing to it when I was small. I used to save money so I could go on a ferry almost every day taking people from the port to several beaches and never tire of it. Some of my best memories are of my father and I swimming to the wave breakers, diving for crabs. We used to have a summer place on one of those beaches and I grew up with many wonderful people who loved sea, loved art and music and gifted me with the ability to see and hear even though I possess neither musical nor painting skills. Some were famous people that nobody would picture sitting listening to a girl who loved to sing but was awful at it. Since you want to teach, this is the best you could do in the future: support and nurture so your students can find their way. Oh, yes, as I said before, people in Odessa love jokes and so there were tons of anecdotes: politically incorrect, risqué, self-deprecating...

And because BRIDE was already taken?

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/jadis" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1387945">Jadis</a>
যোগদান: 01.07.2018

Two Hungarian mathematicians decide to make a contest : which one will find the greatest number ?
The first one thinks, thinks, and finally says: Three!
The second one thinks, thinks, and, exhausted, declares: OK, you won.

(If you're Hungarian, just change the nationality of the mathematicians).

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

Прости, прощай Одесса-мама
This was not a joke, but a touchy moment

অতিথি
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Ok, cool! Thumbs up

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Forgive me for Russian but this is untranslatable.

- Слушай, мне сейчас одна пишет: "Щас лифчик".
Спрашиваю: что - купила, потеряла, мал?
Оказалось, что "щаслифчик"- это я.

Editor
<a href="/bn/translator/andrew-parfen" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1328416">Andrew Parfen</a>
যোগদান: 19.02.2017

The first lines sounds to me exactly like the begining of the movie "The Prince of Tides" based on the novel by Pat Conroy, which I LOVE!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Одесса.
- Мадам, мне нужно от Вас лишь выпить, переспать и обсудить Достоевского.
- Боже, я как за Достоевского услышала… подумала… грех не переспать с таким интеллигентным человеком.

Odessa.
- Madam, what I want from you is drink, sleep with you, and discuss Dostoyevsky
- my god, when I heard Dostoyevsky...I thought...it is a sin not to sleep with such an intellectual

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Pure original by yours truly

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/polinask" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1252626">polina_sk</a>
যোগদান: 10.07.2015

Вы и сейчас там? Тогда привет Одессе!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

After the robbery of the Odessa bank, 2 million were missing from the safe.
Banks director tells reporters: Write that 3 million were stolen from the bank. Let the bastard explain THAT at home!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

Real life “not” joke for ones who understand English and Russian (sorry Greeks) :
My daughter thought that лифчик (a bra) is «листик» = a little leaf

Moderator and Incorrigable
<a href="/bn/translator/ww-ww" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1294288">Ww Ww</a>
যোগদান: 03.06.2016

Teeth smile

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That would rather be panties, according to the Bible.

Editor / Francophony
<a href="/bn/translator/gavier" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1222803">Gavin</a>
যোগদান: 14.10.2014

I don't remember that gospel. I really should have paid more attention in Sunday school Wink smile

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

Whatever Bible, it was a child speaking Regular smile

অতিথি
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Panties are helpful though. Regular smile

Editor / Francophony
<a href="/bn/translator/gavier" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1222803">Gavin</a>
যোগদান: 14.10.2014

Culottée !

অতিথি
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They can be bothersome too...
(and excuse Gavin's French)

Moderator and Incorrigable
<a href="/bn/translator/ww-ww" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1294288">Ww Ww</a>
যোগদান: 03.06.2016

Teeth smile

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Do you recall the lecture explaining male mentality by practicing the following suggestions?
- darling, if you are cold, come closer, I will embrace you
- darling, if you are hot, just take off your clothes

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

Oh, well men, it is not about the leaf to cover your parts Wink smile

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

And if you would translate Gavin’s French, please

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Oh, you can guess? Impertinently? Lol

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Oh sweetie I'm all at sea. Yesterday on the phone John seemed so excited about our date. I spent hours making myself up, then I picked a somewhat risqué dress, you know, the black and white one with a plunging neckline. The bus seemed to crawl, I could hardly wait to see him again. We kissed as we met and everything went fine during dinner, but I noticed he seemed somewhat aloof at times. Then he walked me home and it felt like paradise. And then we kissed again and I don't know what got into me but, well, I stayed the night. It was so marvelous, dear. And yet in the morning John was again so cold. He hardly spoke and soon went to work. I've been waiting all day for a call. I really don't know what to think. Did I do something wrong? Oh sweetie, what shall I do?
----
The bloody United idiots managed to lose to Arsenal. What a downer! Oh well, at least *I* scored yesterday.

অতিথি
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I think we have lost the point here...

Editor / Francophony
<a href="/bn/translator/gavier" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1222803">Gavin</a>
যোগদান: 14.10.2014

Oh I'm just messing about. Culotte means knickers/panties, but culotté means cheeky. So I was calling The Bride 'Cheeky'. Wink smile

অতিথি
অতিথি

That has a bad meaning, right?

Editor / Francophony
<a href="/bn/translator/gavier" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1222803">Gavin</a>
যোগদান: 14.10.2014

Naughty rather than bad Regular smile

অতিথি
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Ok, let's end the discussion here and write down some jokes, ok?

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The Bride wrote:

That has a bad meaning, right?

Not really, it can also mean "bold" or "daring". Here it would mean you're not afraid to say something (slightly) shocking.
As a native I really don't see anything offensive in that, just a harmless pun.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Yes, sir!

Salt of life is that it is not sugar

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- Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
- Because their nuts won't fit in.

অতিথি
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Sir? Lol! I'm a girl.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Did you notice that only some people that cough go to the doctor. The rest seem to go to the theater.

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- Why do squirrels swim on their back?
- To keep their nuts dry!

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- What do you call a musician petrified by Medusa?
- A rockstar.

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Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

It is necessary to live in such a way that it would be embarrassing to tell, but nice to remember

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

My husband thanks you!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

Просто не могу удержаться

Учительница математики спрашивает Вовочку:
— Вовочка, представь себе: у тебя есть двести долларов. Пятьдесят ты отдашь Машеньке, пятьдесят — Леночке, и еще пятьдесят — Танечке. Что у тебя будет?
Вовочка, мечтательно глядя в потолок: — У меня будет такая оргия...

Насчёт оргии, конечно!

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