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Jokes/Aνέκδοτα

388 posts / 0 new
Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

I came across this comedian for the first time and I find him just great. It's in Russian. I am giving you a link and you can judge for yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5JwLI0zcz4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoNkyJ5dtN8

Sample for those who don't understand Russian:
Nowadays, entertainment, is a highly competitive field offering many options. In the Middle Ages, there were basically two options for the entertainment: traveling circus and executions in a public square. On a special occasion, it was execution of a traveling circus man in a public square.

Sample 2: government's Kama Sutra
It doesn't matter whether we are laying down, sitting,standing, or running - for some reason, we are always on the bottom.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/evipar" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1356668">Evi_Par</a>
যোগদান: 03.10.2017

Ο σύζυγος γυρίζει σπίτι αγριεμένος.

– Τι έχεις; Tον ρωτάει η σύζυγος.
– Άσε με! της λέει αυτός. Τσακώθηκα με το θυρωρό!
– Για ποιο λόγo;
– Λέει πως έχει πηδήξει όλες τις γυναίκες της πολυκατοικίας, εκτός από μία!

Και η σύζυγος:
-Μμμ. Θα είναι εκείνη η ψηλομύτα του τρίτου

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/evipar" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1356668">Evi_Par</a>
যোগদান: 03.10.2017

ΝΟΣΟΚΟΜΑ: – Συγχαρητήρια κύριε, κάνατε δίδυμα!
ΚΥΡΙΟΣ: – Με τέτοιο ‘κανόνι’ που έχω, μόνο δίδυμα κάνω!!!
ΝΟΣΟΚΟΜΑ: – Καλά, αλλά να καθαρίζετε λίγο και το κανόνι, γιατί τα μωρά βγήκαν μαύρα!

χαχαχαχα!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/evipar" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1356668">Evi_Par</a>
যোগদান: 03.10.2017

– Μαμά, ο μπαμπάς θέλει να σκοτώσει τη νονά.
– Τι είναι αυτά που λες μικρέ;
– Κρυφάκουσα που της είπε : «Ραντεβού στις 10.00. Θα σε πεθάνω απόψε»…

অতিথি
অতিথি

Το παιδι μπαινει στο δωματιο των γονιων και βλεπει την μανα του καβαλα στον πατερα του να κανουνε σεξ.
- Μαμα, τι κανεις εκει?
- Προσπαθω, να κατσω πανω στο φιδι του μπαμπα για να το σκοτωσω.
- Η νονα ειναι πιο θαρραλεα απο σενα.
- Γιατι?
- Μα γιατι εχθες η νονα το ετρωγε το φιδι.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/evipar" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1356668">Evi_Par</a>
যোগদান: 03.10.2017

αχαχαχαχαχα! καλο!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

What happened “English only” rule? Или это то правило, когда нам можно, но вам нельзя?

অতিথি
অতিথি

If you noticed, the section is "Greek language".
But if you wanna write something, write in in English.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

В физике черных дыр существует такое понятие – горизонт событий. Пересекая его уже никогда не узнаешь, что там происходило. У мужиков подобное наступает после литра водки на рыло.

Help is needed with English translation Regular smile

Moderator and Incorrigable
<a href="/bn/translator/ww-ww" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1294288">Ww Ww</a>
যোগদান: 03.06.2016

Hmm...let's see.

In 'black hole physics' (general relativity)… yes, there is such a thing.
The event horizon is described as the point of no return, a place where the gravitational forces are too strong to escape.
By crossing it you will never know what was happening there. In men, this comes after downing a liter of vodka.

Sort of, "Drinking them pretty", or "Putting on your beer goggles" (You drink enough, they all look pretty). There's that point where one would 'pull out all the stops' and go for it without inhibition or regard.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017
Ww Ww wrote:

Sort of, "Drinking them pretty", or "Putting on your beer goggles" (You drink enough, they all look pretty). There's that point where one would 'pull out all the stops' and go for it without inhibition or regard.

Yes, thank you.
And it’s about dudes, nothing to do with “there’s no ugly women, there’s no enough vodka”, right?

Moderator and Incorrigable
<a href="/bn/translator/ww-ww" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1294288">Ww Ww</a>
যোগদান: 03.06.2016

There are many interpretations depending on your perception. There is an area I didn't cover about dude perception in the joke due to details of that type of physics. It's about excessive drinking and loss of inhibitions in men (nicely put). It can also be considered with the thought of when they drink too much then think with their...(inferred, get the idea). This then 'draws them into bad decisions and trouble. That would be the most basic animalistic view. The less complicated view might be purely things said when drunk that are brought on by loss of inhibition, intensive emotions. I am being discrete.
As for vodka...It has been said there is no such thing as too much, or not enough (on hand). The ugly woman thing is an example of the loss of those inhibitions due to excessive drinking and the consequent actions taken. It's a dude thing. How's that for being aloof? Regular smile

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/igeethecat" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1365086">Igeethecat</a>
যোগদান: 16.12.2017

O, please, men always think with their other head, you don’t have to smooth it. Teeth smile

Красивые женщины, как и огонь, греют на расстоянии, но опасны вблизи Wink smile

অতিথি
অতিথি

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!

Δύο μυρμήγκια, κάνουν ποδήλατο στην έρημο. Σε μια στιγμή, το ένα σταματάει ξαφνικά. - "Γιατί σταμάτησες;", ρωτάει το μυρμήγκι το φίλο του. Και εκείνος του απαντά: - "Μπήκε μια μύγα στο μάτι μου!"

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/jadis" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1387945">Jadis</a>
যোগদান: 01.07.2018

This is a story about a man whose cock was 50cm long – much too long indeed !

He tried all kinds of medicines, nothing worked. So he goes to an old witch in the forest, explains his problem, and the witch tells him :
- You go to the magic pond at the border of the forest. There you'll see a little green frog. You must ask her to marry you, and you'll see what will happen.

So he does. He discovers the magic pond, and , true enough, there comes jumping a little green frog.

The man thinks for a while, then he decides to do what the witch has told him :
- Little frog, do you want to marry me ?
Says the frog : - No.

But the man has a strange feeling and looks into his pants : his cock has diminished by 10cm, now it's still only 40 cm long ! Incredible !

So he addresses the frog once more :
- Little frog, do you want to marry me ?
Answers the frog : - No.

But the man's cock is now only 30cm long ! So he thinks : all right, once more, and everything will be fine.

- Little frog, do you want to marry me ?
Says the frog : - No. No. No.

(Thanks to Jean-Marie Bigard, a French humorist ; I leave it to you to translate it into Greek).

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

- “All you ever do is move on. Don’t you want something meaningful?’
- ‘That’s how you find it. Looking for love’s like looking for oil, you’ve got to drill a few holes before you hit a gusher.”

Excerpt From: Hyland, Alex. “Black Violet.” Accent Press Ltd, 2017. iBooks.

Editor Soldier of Love
<a href="/bn/translator/flopsi" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1331196">Flopsi</a>
যোগদান: 12.03.2017

A priest telling his sacristan: „It’s a long time since your last confession. How about now?“ The sacristan telling the priest: „But I’ve got nothing to confess.“
„We’ll see.“ And they go into the confessional.
„Dear son, is there anything you would like to tell me?“
„I’ve got nothing to confess.“
„I’m wondering who’s drinking the altar wine.“
„Sorry, I can’t hear you.“
„I said: My wine is always gone. Who’s drinking it?“
„Sorry, but I can’t understand you. We’ll switch places and you’ll see for yourself.“
After switching places the sacristan says: „I’m wondering who’s sleeping with my wife.“
„You’re right I really can’t understand a word.“

Novice
<a href="/bn/translator/finland-gaming" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1403472">Finland Gaming</a>
যোগদান: 23.11.2018

No Way

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Phil, [@Phil Ambro]
This is the joke forum. The key is: you read a joke and LIKE it if you want. No critique is expected publically. Enjoy!

Keep To Yourself
<a href="/bn/translator/makis17" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1208934">makis17</a>
যোগদান: 31.05.2014

__Hello, are you there?
__Yes, who are you please?
__I'm Watt.
__What's your name?
__Watt's my name.
__Yes, what's your name?
__My name is John Watt.
__John What?
__Yes, are you Jones?
__No I'm Knott.
__Will you tell me your name then?
__Will Knott.
__Why not?
__My name is Knott.
__Not what?
__Not Watt, Knott.
__What?

Banned User The Bride
<a href="/bn/translator/crazylove" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1402849">Black Mamba</a>
যোগদান: 18.11.2018

Συννενοηση μηδεν.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018
Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Have you heard the original? If not, enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Married couple at a fine restaurant. Husband noticed that wife kept staring at the table next to them occupied by a man in a drunken stupor!
He asked: do you know this man?
Wife: yes, this is my ex-husband! He's been drinking like that ever since I left him 7 years ago!
Husband: that's remarkable! I wouldn't think anyone could celebrate that long!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink."
The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

Editor Soldier of Love
<a href="/bn/translator/flopsi" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1331196">Flopsi</a>
যোগদান: 12.03.2017

Good resolutions for the New Year
2017
1) Losing 20 pounds
2) Using the cell phone not that often
3) Running 3x a week
4) No more alcohol

2018
5) Losing 5 pounds
6) Using the cell phone not for hours
7) Running 1x a week
8) Less alcohol

2019
9) Losing 2 pounds
10) Using the cell phone not at night
11) Running 1x a month
12) Less alcohol after 6 p. m.

You'll all have a Happy New Year!!!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/jadis" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1387945">Jadis</a>
যোগদান: 01.07.2018

It's about the guy who decided to become perfect.
On the first day, he gave up smoking.
On the secund day, he gave up drinking.
On the third day, he gave up giving up.

Happy New Year too !

Editor Soldier of Love
<a href="/bn/translator/flopsi" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1331196">Flopsi</a>
যোগদান: 12.03.2017

A man took a woman to his crib. She realizes her menstruation had just started. „Well, he’s probably too drunk to notice anyway.“ She leaves him early in the morning. As he wakes he sees the puddle of blood in his bed. „Oh no! What have I done?“. He jumps up, checks his weapons „okay, I didn’t shoot her“, checks his knives „I didn’t stab her either“, looks in the mirror and starts to scream „fuck, no, I ate her“.

Keep To Yourself
<a href="/bn/translator/makis17" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1208934">makis17</a>
যোগদান: 31.05.2014

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the registration for this motorcycle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!
Biker: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation...
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag but tools.
Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

Happy Easter!! Teeth smile

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/jadis" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1387945">Jadis</a>
যোগদান: 01.07.2018

This reminds me of a Russian (but not only Russian) humoristic tale about an old man who found a treasure, and his wife told it to everybody, and then the barin summoned them both to his court... I have to find it again.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

For some reason, pretty certain due to your work with st Sol, this came to my mind,
Кафедра русского языка. Две доцентши, одна курит, вторая разгадывает кроссворд.
— Мария Ивановна, «Полный крах всех надежд», шесть букв, вторая «и»...
Курящая долго думает, потом:
— Ну, не может быть! В газете?
— Да.
— «П...ц»?!
— Подходит...
Входит завкафедрой, профессорша.
— Софья Марковна, вот вы доктор наук! «Полный крах всех надежд», шесть букв, вторая «и»?
— «П...ц»! Однозначно!
— Ну не может же быть в российской газете...
— Сейчас все может быть!
Входит аспирантка Машенька, юное невинное созданьице.
— Вот молодежь все знает! Машенька, «Полный крах всех надежд», шесть букв, вторая «и»! У нас только один вариант — «п...ц»!
Машенька краснеет до корней волос и шепчет:
— «Фиаско».

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/jadis" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1387945">Jadis</a>
যোগদান: 01.07.2018

Regular smile
 Жаль, подмога не пришла,
Подкрепленья не прислали.
Что ж, обычные дела.
Нас с тобою наебали...

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

РАДИ БАБЫ СВОЕЙ ВСЕ ДЕЛА ОТЛОЖУ...
ЧТОБ В ТОСКЕ У ОКНА НЕ СИДЕЛА....
ТО КОНЯ ШУГАНУ... ТО ИЗБУ ПОДОЖГУ...
ЕЙ НЕЛЬЗЯ БЕЗ ЛЮБИМОГО ДЕЛА!!!!!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/jadis" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1387945">Jadis</a>
যোগদান: 01.07.2018

Oh, I found it, it's called "Барин и мужик" in Russian, but "The Fish in the Forest" in English. Sorry that the videos are a little lengthy, but they're quite interesting, IMO.

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

Мама, я вот подумал, буду всё-таки космонавтом. Вот будет у меня жена, будет всё время говорить: "пропылесось, убери, сходи в магазин..." А я не могу - я в космосе!

Mom, I thought about it and decided that, after all, when I grow up, I will become an astronaut. I will get married and wife will tell me: "vacuum, clean up, go to the store..." But, I won't be able to - I will be in space!

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/blacksea4ever" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1390089">BlackSea4ever</a>
যোগদান: 19.07.2018

ХОРОШИХ мужиков разобрали ещё щенками, а брать взрослую собаку в дом, не зная её повадки, ОПАСНО!
--
ХОРОШИХ баб разобрали ещё щенками, а брать взрослую суку в дом, не зная её повадки, ОПАСНО!
---

Super Member
<a href="/bn/translator/dora-mateescu" class="userpopupinfo username" rel="user1372867">Dora Vysotskaya</a>
যোগদান: 19.02.2018

A Russian joke about little Vovochka Wink smile

A teacher asks:
- "Children, who has a pet at home?"
Everyone raises their hands and shouts out "Cat!" "Dog!" "Hedgehog!"
Little Vovochka raises his hand and says "Lice, ticks, cockroaches!"

- Дети, назовите слово, в котором много букв «о».
- Болото.
- Хорошо. Кто больше?
- Молоковоз.
- Отлично. Кто еще больше?
Вовочка: – Гоооооооооол!

Russian jokes

- Что вы сделаете, если получите миллиард?
- Раздам долги.
- А остальные?
- Остальные подождут.

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