Nuša Derenda - Čez 20 let (Englisch Übersetzung)

es wurde um Korrekturlesen gebeten
Slowenisch

Čez 20 let

Tiha noč nad mestom spi,
a se pretvarjam, da je ni,
kot slika brez okvirja,
kot duša iz papirja,
to noč mene ne boli.
Praviš, da ti je hudo,
žal ti je, a ljubiš njo,
a zdaj so me zlomile,
kot nož v srce zarile,
besede tvoje za v slovo.
 
Ko srečava se spet čez dvajset let,
v oči si bova zrla brez besed,
življenje mimo naju bo odšlo,
a nama bo hudo,
a žal prepozno bo.
 
Kaj mi bo jutro, če ob meni te več ni,
ne ni treba, da me zbuja, naj pri miru me pusti,
ni me sram, da sem jokala,
a ne bom nikdar priznala,
da še vedno zate zbujam se.
 
Align paragraphs
Englisch Übersetzung

In 20 Years

Silent night sleeps over the town,
but I pretend it isn’t;
like a picture without a frame,
like a soul made of paper,
the night doesn’t hurt me.
You say it is your fault,
you are sorry, but you love her;
and they have broken me now
like a knife driven through the heart –
your words of farewell.
 
When we meet again in twenty years,
we will look at each other’s eyes without words,
life will rush past us,
and it will be bad for us,
but unfortunately it will be too late.
 
What is a morning for if you aren’t by my side anymore,
no need to wake me up, leave me in peace;
I am not ashamed that I cried,
but I will never admit
that I still wake up for you.
 
This work (if otherwise isn’t stated below) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. Don’t forget to press the green "Thanks!" button if my translation was helpful (no registration’s required).
Von Ivan U7n am Di, 18/04/2017 - 14:38 eingetragen
Added in reply to request by Zarina01
Zuletzt von Ivan U7n am Di, 20/03/2018 - 06:24 bearbeitet
Kommentare des Autors:

I don’t know Slovene at all thus this translation may be inaccurate. However I’m familiar with several other Slavic languages, so hopefully I haven’t messed it up much.

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Nuša Derenda: Top 3
See also
Kommentare
leloo    Sa, 24/02/2018 - 14:21

#1 is ok.
#2 you can simply use *we* no need * both of us* or * two of us*
#3 you got it.

Brat    Sa, 24/02/2018 - 14:49

Ivan, this line

What for is a morning if you aren’t beside me,

reads not very smooth in English. I don't know Slovene, but as for me

What a morning is for without you being around

looks much better.

Ivan U7n    Sa, 24/02/2018 - 15:08
Quote:

as for me

And they are saying that natives never use this structure. Wink smile

Nevertheless, thanks to the both of you (despite English having no dual form Wink smile ). I have updated my translation, although I have been waiting for a review by a native for almost a year. Oh well, it's better late than never. Regular smile

Brat    Sa, 24/02/2018 - 15:24
Ivan U7n wrote:
Quote:

as for me

And they are saying that natives never use this structure. Wink smile

First, I'm not a native; second, I used to use this expression long before they started to say it's not longer used, so I might have got used to it.

Ivan U7n wrote:

Nevertheless, thanks to the both of you (despite English having no dual form Wink smile ). I have updated my translation, although I have been waiting for a review by a native for almost a year. Oh well, it's better late than never. Regular smile

The problem is, I cannot get properly what is said in the original lyrics, because of the punctuation that is rather embarrassing.
If this line could be considered as being an isolated, stand-alone question, it would also be possible to write down something like this:
And for what might I need a morning without you being around?

There are several possible ways of saying that in English, and the choice in not obvious, as it always happens in such cases... Wink smile

Ivan U7n    Sa, 24/02/2018 - 15:43
Brat wrote:

The problem is, I cannot get properly what is said in the original lyrics, because of the punctuation that is rather embarrassing.
If this line could be considered as being an isolated, stand-alone question, it would also be possible to write down something like this:
And for what might I need a morning without you being around?

There are several possible ways of saying that in English, and the choice in not obvious, as it always happens in such cases... Wink smile

This sounds to me like a rhetoric question. In Russian it goes quite literally like this: "что мне будет утро, если рядом со мной тебя уже нет". Hope it will help you. Wink smile

leloo    Sa, 24/02/2018 - 21:48

well...I am native. It seems ok to me.
For me it is important the meaning of the words and you got it.
For what I need morning when you are not with me anymore.
Simple like this.
Why it took one year? I saw this translation yesterdays.

Ivan U7n    So, 25/02/2018 - 08:48

That't easy for you to say, but for me having only overall knowledge of Slovene, it's hard to tell if I got all the nuances right. That's why I requested a proofreading.
If you noticed, I have made this translation (and another one) almost a year ago (well, 10 months ago) -- on 18 April 2017, and waited for someone to proofread it. Thus it was not a complaint against you, but rather a rhetoric statement.

leloo    Mo, 19/03/2018 - 22:31

Still not happy with :
What is a morning for if you aren’t around