Я омоновца любила (Englisch Übersetzung)

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Я омоновца любила

Я омоновца любила
За натуру пылкую:
Где рука не доходила -
Помогал дубинкою.
 
Von St. SolSt. Sol am Mi, 20/03/2019 - 17:07 eingetragen
Englisch Übersetzung (äqui-rhythmisch, reimend)
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Once I Loved A Riot Force Kid

Once I loved a riot force1 kid
For his ardent nature:
When his hand could not reach something,
He helped with his truncheon.
 
  • 1. Riot police squad member
© St.Sol @ LT: all rights reserved.
Von St. SolSt. Sol am Fr, 22/03/2019 - 20:48 eingetragen
Kommentare
UncommonUncommon    Fr, 22/03/2019 - 20:59

St.-Sol,
I think last two lines could be improved, are you interested in suggestion?
# of syllables and lengthwise.

St. SolSt. Sol    Fr, 22/03/2019 - 21:04

Sure, but I don't think L2-L4 rhyming can be improved.

UncommonUncommon    Fr, 22/03/2019 - 21:05

How about this:
If with hands he could not reach me,
He would help with his truncheon.

Straightens the meaning and if i counted correctly it closer.

St. SolSt. Sol    Fr, 22/03/2019 - 21:12

L3 is nice but but it changes the meaning from dirty to violent (not my cup of tea, but it's a matter of interpretation)
L4 stressing is wrong, it needs to be [ ^- ^- ^- (^) ], like mine:
hE helped wIth his trUncheon (although the last syllable is missing in both L2 and L4, it sounds better)

UncommonUncommon    Fr, 22/03/2019 - 21:17

Your choice, cheers.
another1: If with hands he could not Tick* me,
or some other slang