Mir Ognya - В ритме Петербурга (English translation)

Proofreading requested

В ритме Петербурга

Снова Невский проспект прогоняет желание сна.
На какой-то момент я на грани схожденья с ума…
Я незримая мышь в карнавале рекламных огней.
Ты красиво молчишь, не считая ни денег, ни дней.
Бьётся в окна кафе ослепительно черная ночь,
Жар больных фонарей, им, наверно, ничем не помочь…
Лихорадочен сон и обманчив недолгий покой.
Я хочу в подворотню, где снег, озаренный луной.
Я в ритме Петербурга…
Ведь я в ритме Петербурга…
Непременно нырнем в эту вечность, в ее черноту,
Самым длинным путём постоим на чугунном мосту.
Безымянный святой мимо нас безмятежно пройдет.
Он художник, он бродит и пишет всю ночь напролет…
Пишет серую зиму, пишет, пишет…
Пишет свет фонарей, подворотен трясину, пишет, пишет…
И нас неприкаянных в ней…
Я в ритме Петербурга…
Ведь я в ритме Петербурга…
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English translation

In the Rhythm of St.-Petersburg

Yet again, the Nevski Avenue chases away all desire to sleep.
At one point I'm on the verge of going insane...
I'm a subtle mouse at this carnival of the billboard lights.
You're beautifully silent, not counting money or days.
The blindingly dark night knocks on the windows of a cafe,
Heat of the sick city lights, they probably can't be helped...
Feverish dreams and deceptive meager repose.
I long to be out in the street, where the snow is lit by the moon.
I'm in the rhythm of St.-Petersburg...
Really, I'm in the rhythm of St.-Petersburg...
Surely we'll dive into this eternity, into its darkness,
In the longest path, we'll stand on the cast-iron bridge.
A nameless saint will serenely pass us.
He's a painter, he wonders and paints through the night...
He paints the gray winter, he paints, he paints...
He paints the ablaze of the street lights, bogs of gates, he paints, he paints...
And us restless in it...
I'm in the rhythm of St.-Petersburg...
Really, I'm in the rhythm of St.-Petersburg...
Submitted by banana.nikitina on Sun, 02/09/2012 - 18:54
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Sophia_Belik    Tue, 04/09/2012 - 05:25

Thank you for translation!
I really like this song! Regular smile

kuroi_neko    Tue, 04/09/2012 - 09:00

Very good translation, as far as my Russian allows to estimate.
Just a couple of details:
He paints the ablaze -> blaze ?
And us restless in it... -> maybe "and us too, restless in it.." ?

banana.nikitina    Tue, 04/09/2012 - 21:45

thanks, yeah "blaze" is probably better Regular smile
but I'm not actually a fan of "and us too, restless in it"
I like it more how I wrote it. It kind of leaves you hanging, I think that's what the original text indented. Regular smile

kuroi_neko    Tue, 04/09/2012 - 21:49

That's well possible. I was not sure the English conveyed the idea of the singer being painted along with the landscape. But here again I'm neither Russian nor English native.
Anyway that's just a tiny detail. The translation as a whole is very good, I think.

Sophia_Belik    Mon, 17/09/2012 - 15:43
Kashtanka1965    Tue, 28/07/2015 - 01:29

"Serenely pass us" may be it's grammatically correct but I live in the English speaking country and I doubt anybody here would put it this way. I would go for: " Walk by us " or simply "walk by" . Also "bog of gates" rather then "Bogs" Трясина ворот не имеет смысла. Я думаю что лучше написать " gateway" It's make more sense then "gates" and also it's more resembles the Russian word "подворотня"
Kind Regards