Piknik (Russia) - Lish' vlyublennomu vampiru (Лишь влюбленному вампиру) (English translation)

Russian

Lish' vlyublennomu vampiru (Лишь влюбленному вампиру)

 
Сон чудесный снится миру,
Бледных улиц не узнать,
Лишь влюблeнному вампиру
Снова будет не до сна.
 
Он идeт походкой лунной,
В дальний сад, где ночь без дна,
Где за оградою чугунной
Бродит девушка одна.
 
Еe веки чуть открыты,
Ветвь увядшая в руках,
Лихорадочный румянец
Водит танцы на щеках.
 
Вот он близок миг блаженный,
Тень любимого лица.
И на миг лишь станет тихо
В их тоскующих сердцах.
 
Кто они, и что им надо?
Пить да пить бы сладкий яд.
До утра, обнявшись крепко,
Так они и простоят.
 
Submitted by St. Sol on Wed, 12/07/2017 - 16:53
Last edited by Ww Ww on Thu, 05/04/2018 - 23:34
Align paragraphs
English translation

Just A Lovestruck Young Vampire

Versions: #1#2
Splendid dream set world on fire,
Changed the bleak streets in one sweep,
Just a lovestruck young vampire
Once again won't fall asleep.
 
He moonwalks to distant gardens
Where the night's abyss made home,
Where behind wrought iron park fence
Maiden's wandering alone.
 
Lo, her eyelids're slightly open,
Withered branch is in her hands,
Fevered blush remains in motion,
Paints her cheeks in rhythmic dance.
 
Blissful moment's getting closer,
He lifts veil from lovely face.
For a blink two hearts find closure -
Longing hearts in fond embrace.
 
Who are they, what are they seeking?
To drink from sweet poison cup.
Till the dawn, embracing, clinging,
They will stand, they won't break up.
 
Quality RU-EN and EN-RU translations by Ironic Iron.
Bringing joy of Russian music and poetry to the world.
When sharing, please thank & credit: (c) St. Sol @ LT.
Submitted by St. Sol on Thu, 08/02/2018 - 04:12
Last edited by St. Sol on Sat, 10/02/2018 - 01:17
Author's comments:

Equirhythmic rhymed translation for singing along.
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The running meter:
[ ^- ^- ^- ^- ]
[ ^- ^- ^- ^ ]

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Comments
petit élève    Thu, 08/02/2018 - 23:15

"smitten" is quite nice for "in love", but I think "that's been smitten" goes back to the more violent meaning of "smite" Regular smile

I'm considering a French translation, but I'd rather make sure I get the raw meaning first, so I'd be thankful if you could check my understanding of a few lines.

Он идeт походкой лунной -> "he follows the course of the moon" (lit. "he walks like the trajectory of the moon")?

Вот он близок миг блаженный, тень любимого лица. -> "and now the blissfull moment and the shadow of the beloved face are close" ?

И на миг лишь станет тихо в их тоскующих сердцах -> "and there is a mere/brief moment of silence in their longing hearts" ?

St. Sol    Thu, 08/02/2018 - 23:51

Smitten is quite common US expression for "stricken with love"
лунная походка is quite ambiguous, but best understood as: "moonwalk" step (pattern), i.e. he walks as if moonwalking
тень любимого лица (shadow of beloved face) is disconnected from preceding sentence and open to interpretation
И на миг лишь станет тихо в их тоскующих сердцах == Just for a (brief) moment it will become quiet (calm) in their longing hearts.
This song is from the album "Vampire's Songs", which is very atmospheric/psychedelic and full of obscure passages.
Regards, St.

petit élève    Thu, 08/02/2018 - 23:45

I fully agree on "smitten" as a standalone, I just don't know if the meaning remains when used in "that has been smitten". Maybe a native could give us a second opinion there?

Thanks for the clarification, I'll see if I can come up with something in French.

3oudicca    Thu, 08/02/2018 - 23:51

No, unfortunately it doesn't sound natural in this context.
You could however say a smitten vampire, a lovestruck vampire, a lovesick vampire...
~Sarah

petit élève    Fri, 09/02/2018 - 01:08

I quite like the mood of this song. That even motivated me to try a rhyming French version.
I departed from the Russian 2 or 3 times, but hopefully the general meaning and mood are still there:

The world in a marvelous dream,
bleak streets look like no other.
It is but a lovestruck vampire
who can't find sleep.

Monlight leads him
to the darkened garden
when, sheltered in her domain,
the lonely maiden wanders.

Her eyes are half-closed,
a whithered branch in her hands,
in the throes of a burning fever
that rekindles her complexion.

He draws near, the sublime moment.
shadow covers the beloved face
and sadness that consumes them
goes silent for a fleeting moment.

Who are they, what do they seek there,
except drinking the sweet poison?
United in their locked arms,
they will remain there until dawn

St. Sol    Fri, 09/02/2018 - 01:35

I made minor changes in my English version.

petit élève    Fri, 09/02/2018 - 02:05

This "moonwalking" summons a picture of Mickael Jackson in my head Regular smile
I can't judge the best interpretation of the Russian, but that does not go well with the charisma of a vampire.
Still that's a minor gripe, I like this translation as a whole.

petit élève    Fri, 09/02/2018 - 06:55

Nice song, but I'm afraid it's too complicated for my Russian. There are undertones I can't grasp. I wouldn't know how to render it in French.