Alexander Blok - Песня Офелии (English translation)

Proofreading requested

Песня Офелии

Разлучаясь с девой милой,
Друг, ты клялся мне любить!
Уезжая в край постылый,
Клятву данную хранить!..
Там, за Данией счастливой,
Берега твои во мгле...
Вал сердитый, говорливый
Моет слезы на скале...
Милый воин не вернется,
Весь одетый в серебро...
В гробе тяжко всколыхнется
Бант и черное перо...
Submitted by Valeriu Raut on Sat, 08/04/2017 - 19:22
Align paragraphs
English translation

Ophelia's song

Versions: #1#2#3
As you left the sweetest maiden,
my love, you pledged an oath to me!
Setting off for this hated land,
this word was yours to keep!
There, beyond the merry Denmark,
your shores lay shrouded in mist
as tumultuous angry waves
wipe my tears off the rocks...
My sweet warrior, he won't return
all clad in silver finery...
Only a bow and a black plume
shall quiver sadly on his grave...
This translation does not claim to be of any particular value.
Glad if you liked it, sorry if you didn't.
You can reuse it as you please.
Glad if it's for knowledge or understanding, sorry if it's just for money or fame.
Submitted by petit élève on Sun, 09/04/2017 - 01:43
Author's comments:

Just to play with the English, assuming I got the Russian right...

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
sandring    Sun, 09/04/2017 - 03:52

Thank you, Pierre, your translation is lovely. I've told you many times you've got an uncanny insight into Russian poetry. You're the only one who understood they were her tears and got the message across (wipe My tears off the rocks) I'd suggest Maiden instead of Virgin, a traditional image in English poetry. Besides, Virgin gives it a subconscious religious touch. Thank you! Regular smile

petit élève    Sun, 09/04/2017 - 03:55

Good point with "maiden", and thanks for the compliment.