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  • Ukaroku

    哀悼、そして日常は続く → English translation

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哀悼、そして日常は続く

(哀しみは消えずとも埋もれてゆく)
 
(当日)
 
学校を休んだ だけど朝 制服に袖を通した
礼服を纏った両親の顔はぼやけてた
広がる快晴な空と心地の良い風が嫌味だと感じた
前から声がして 車のドアを開け 歩いた
 
久しぶりの顔ぶれ 初めて見た顔ぶれ
心ん中綯交ぜで 軽い会釈は上手くできてたかな
和室で座る椅子 布越しでも冷たくて
係の人に呼ばれ 襖を開いた
 
その表情は柔くて まるで眠ってるようだった
今にも目を覚まして
笑いかけてくれるような気がしたんだよ
湯灌で触れた肌は固く硬く冷たかった
絵空事は私の前で破られ 空っぽのその身を撫でる
 
(翌日)
 
明くる日の朝 うつろげに制服に袖を通した
会場までずっと ゆらゆら心は揺れていた
棺の中に収まった アナタが花に包まれて埋まってく
瞼閉じたら現実が頬を伝ってた
 
扉は閉じられてく 鍵はかけられてゆく
それが運ばれてゆく 私はそれをただただ眺めてる
夏は先なのに蝉の鳴き声がした
心の穴を埋めてくれた気がした
 
別れは近づく 棺は吸い込まれてく
止められないほど溢れたのは汗か涙かわかんないや
待合室の自販機で買ってもらった甘いジュース
味がしないそれを飲み干してく度に時間は去ってく
零れた結露が床に落ちて爆ぜ 頭から爪先まで寒気が走る
係の人が呼んでる
 
肌は果てて 欠片になって
箸で渡してく 壺に収めていく
すっかり小さくなってしまったね
ポツリとこぼした 汗は冷えていた
 
軽くなったアナタを抱え歩く
現実か夢かがあやふやになる感覚に落ちている
少し火傷した手がヒリヒリと痛みだした
現実だって水を差されたような気持ちになる
車の中から見た夕焼け空 心と比べて色は鮮やかだった
それは憎らしいほどに
 
(後日)
 
明くる日の朝 眠たげに制服に袖を通した
腫れた目の下 コンシーラーで隠さなくちゃ
広がる快晴な空が窓の向こうでどこまでも広がってた
鞄を抱えて いってきます とドアを開けた
 
Translation

Mourning, and Life Continues On

(Sorrow may not disappear, but it will get buried)
 
(The day of)
 
I skipped school, but this morning I put on my uniform
The faces of my formally-dressed parents were so blurry
The vast, clear sky and pleasant wind felt almost offensive
I heard a voice from the front, opened the door, and walked out
 
People I haven’t met in years; people I meet for the first time
My heart is all mixed up; I hope I did a good job with my light bows
In the Japanese-style room, I sit in a chair; it’s cold even through the fabric
We are called up by the person in charge, and open the fusuma1
 
Your expression was so soft, it was as if you were asleep
I felt as if you would simply wake up
And smile at me at any moment
The skin that I wiped with the washcloth was hard and cold
My fantasy breaks right in front of my eyes, and I stroke your empty body
 
(The next day)
 
The following morning, I vacantly put on my uniform
My heart wavered and swayed the entire way to the parlor
Inside the coffin, you get buried in flowers
As I closed my eyes, reality dripped down my cheek
 
The door gets closed; the locks get secured
It gets carried away; I am just gazing at it all
Summer hasn’t come yet, but I heard the chirping of a cicada
I felt as if it filled a hole in my heart
 
Our farewell draws near; the coffin gets sucked in
Was what flowed down my face my sweat or tears, I can’t even tell
They bought me juice from the vending machine at the waiting room
Every time I sipped that tasteless thing, time kept passing
Condensation dropped to ground and burst, sending a shiver from head to toe
The person in charge is calling us
 
Your skin had perished, body reduced to pieces
Passed on with chopsticks, you get put away in a vase
You’ve become oh so small
The sweat that dripped down was cold
 
I walk, carrying a lighter you
I’ve fallen into a sensation where reality and dreams feel blurred
My slightly burned hand started to tingle and hurt
It feels like even reality got a wet blanket thrown over it
The sunset viewed from inside the car looked so much more vibrant compared to my heart
Exasperatingly so
 
(Afterwards)
 
The following morning, I sleepily put on my uniform
Under my eyes are so swollen; I need to hide it with concealer
The vast, clear sky extended past the window as far as I could see
I carry my bag, saying “I’m off,” as I open the door
 
  • 1. A sliding door made of thick paper and a wooden frame, used in traditional Japanese houses as both doors and moveable walls.
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