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Proofreading requested
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Ces longues nuicts d’hyver, où la Lune ocieuse

Ces longues nuicts d’hyver, où la Lune ocieuse
Tourne si lentement son char tout à l’entour,
Où le Coq si tardif nous annonce le jour,
Où la nuict est année à l’ame soucieuse :
Je fusse mort d’ennuy sans ta forme douteuse,
Qui vient, ô doux remède, alléger mon amour,
Et faisant toute nue entre mes bras séjour,
Rafraichist ma chaleur, bien qu’elle soit menteuse.
Vraye tu es farouche et fiere en cruauté :
On jouist de ta feinte en toute privauté.
Près d’elle je m’endors, près d’elle je repose.
Rien ne m’est refusé. Le bon sommeil ainsi
Abuse par le faux mon amoureux souci.
S’abuser en amour n’est pas mauvaise chose.

In those long winter nights

In those long winter nights when the otiose moon
Makes its chariot turn around the world so slow
When a belated cock crows the sun will rise soon,
When each night feels a year to any burdened soul,
I'd have died of boredom had not your elfy shape
showed up , O, sweet medicine, to allay my love need,
Making here, all naked, between my arms, good stay,
Cooling down my hot body though that shape's a dream.
True - you are really wild, ferocious and cruel.
One relishes on your fake existence at will.
Near it I start sleeping, near it I rest and lie .
Nothing's refused to me. Good sleep, this way, beguiles
into sweet fantasies my eager love-craving.
Cheating oneself in love-matters is no bad thing.
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Hubert ClolusHubert Clolus
   Thu, 31/08/2023 - 21:29

The old poet was dreaming of the ghost of a former lover

Hubert ClolusHubert Clolus
   Sun, 03/09/2023 - 13:45

Any better rhyming for this deilcate poem welcome !

   Sun, 03/09/2023 - 13:54

Thank you for the translation. But what is "otiose" (ocieuse)? I am shortly going to make a Finnish translation, after that I may be able to give a hand with the English version.

   Sun, 03/09/2023 - 16:04

Well, i thought it might be close to "oisive".

   Sun, 03/09/2023 - 18:13

In Those Long Winter Nights

In those long winter nights / when lazy is the moon
Making its chariot / turn all around so slow
When a belated cock / crows the day will break soon
When each night seems a year / to any worried soul

I’d have died of boredom / unless your vague forms loom
- O sweetest medicine - / to soothe down my love flow
And having a nice stay / all naked in my room
Cooling my hot body / although a lying ghost

Dear - you are truly wild / and fierce in your cruelty
Your fake poise is enjoyed / so deliberately
Near it I fall asleep / near it I take a rest

I can get ev’rything. / Good night sleep is cheating
With fantasies this way / on my sweet love-craving.
That cheating on yourself / in love is next to best.

Hubert ClolusHubert Clolus
   Sun, 03/09/2023 - 18:57

Beware: fière meant ferocious in Ronsard's time.
Soucieuse / full of soucis '' worries''.
To allay low ???

   Sun, 03/09/2023 - 19:08

To lower it by allaying it. But low would fit better with some other verb, I suppose.

   Sun, 03/09/2023 - 19:20

We live and learn Regular smile

   Sun, 03/09/2023 - 19:26

Made some amendments.

ΚακομάζαληΚακομάζαλη    Mon, 04/09/2023 - 08:03

@Laplage, in "And having a nice stay / all naked in my room", you left "mes bras", untranslated. I think it's essential in the poem since it gives some kind of a "fake presence" of a beloved person who is not there and he wants to embrace it, it works like a substitute.
. It's a great poem btw.

   Mon, 04/09/2023 - 08:38

It's a known issue. All I tried to do was making better rhymes and metered, 12-syllable structures.

ΚακομάζαληΚακομάζαλη    Mon, 04/09/2023 - 08:57

Wait. This is a pre-translation to have things checked before doing your own in Finnish, or is a translation made to be added next to that of Hubert Clolus?

   Mon, 04/09/2023 - 09:34

It was to help Hubert Clolus to find rhymes in his English translation as requested by him.