I understand rhyming has its constraints, but this particular song tells a fluid and simple story, so dragging it through hoops is a bit perilous.
Besides, it's an incredibly straightforward song for Shevchuk. Personally, I would not endeavour to make it sound like the rest of his poetry :DUsing "fire" spoils the fun. That's used for big weapons, like a machinegun or a mortar. Besides, someone looking down a gun would never say "don't fire". "shoot" is really the way to go all along, in my opinion.
Well, as you've already noticed, it's done for the sake of singability, mainly. I agree that 'fire' is much less common than 'shoot' in English but nevertheless I consider it as being plausible. You see, in Russian we also have a couple of 'modern' verbs meaning 'to fire (using firearms)' - "палить", "пулять". But they are much less common than the English 'fire'. ;) Again, the first phrase hints to the Russian proverb "стрелять из пушки по воробьям" (to fire at sparrows using a cannon) that doesn't have a close equivalent in English (the closest one is 'to break a fly up the wheel'). At least at the chorus "Don't fire" looks much better than "Don't shoot". We may need a second native's opinion but I suggest to play around that "don't fire" ;) Though it could be changed into something like "Don't you shoot at grey sparrows, don't shoot at white doves"
Don’t you catapult if shooting’s one of your loves -> huh? How did you get from "don't you use your slingshot so casually" to that?
Well, having used the 'fire' instead of the most common 'shoot', I decided to compensate this by using other synonyms, like 'catapult', 'shoot'... But it may be changed into "Don't use your slingshot shooting the clouds above"... That plays well with the general sense, I hope. ;)
living aims -> targets. "aim" as a noun means "the act of aiming", sometimes "shooting accuracy" (a good aim)
It's used as a metonymy here. ;) As well as "einen Zuckerguss" stands for a bun or cake covered with sugar icing. ;) BTW, having browsed through some dictionaries, I found an entry saying about that exact meaning of the 'aim' -> https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/aim (you'll need to scroll a while, but then it appears, that means I'm not the first one to use such a metonymy). Nevertheless, I could make something like "That you bring living targets down to their ends". This would be pretty close to the original in your opinion, I hope.
the bods -> mmm... that rather evokes a gaggle of blondes in tiny swimsuits.
And why not? Having in mind that there might be a shooting range on a beach... A proper place to show off, indeed... :D (But AFAIK, 'bods' could also mean 'buddies' in British English, but it's again a subject which needs a native's opinion).
excellent deadeye -> I think "deadeye" as "sniper" is US military lingo. That seems out of place here. He's still a civilian at that point. "crack shot" would sound nice though.
Here I should agree with your "crack shot". It sounds better, indeed. :D
навскидку и влет -> again, how come "without thinking and fast" became "as like in the dark"?
Besides, "as like" implies a comparison with a real thing, so "as if" would be more logical.
And anyway, I don't see why shooting in the dark should be faster than in broad daylight. The main effect would rather be on accuracy, I guess :)
:) Oh, you've noticed that intentional clumsiness. But it seems you missed the point. :( That's because you are so attached to the original Russian text. Maybe [@Gavin] could guess it.
keep distance to -> that doesn't work. "keep his distances with", "stay away from", "keep clear of", "give shooting ranges a wide berth"...
Ah, well, I'll change it to 'keep distance with'... ;) Or "He began to give wide berth to all shooting clubs" would sound better?
just on a sudden -> all of a sudden / unexpectedly
reminded of -> recalled / remembered
Frankly, why not just simply start from "and when someone reminded him of the war" and twist it as gently as possible to cram it into the rhythm?make his conscience withstand -> whitstand what?
"he drowned his conscience in heavy wine" -> "he drowned his conscience in strong booze". Back to the basics‘Cause that guy, as alive, haunted standing ahead that who begged for the positive option he had-> ?!?!?!? Take a breather and reconsider, Brother :)
Well, I don't know what's "whitstand", may it be a standing whit or something like this, but again I'd like to mention that the verb "withstand", as well as its Russian equivalent "выдерживать" could sometimes withstand the lack of object, though only when it's obvious enough (especially in spoken English). ;) Again, Gavin could probably enlighten us on the subject. :)
And finally, because I'm already tired of typing, I'll suggest a new variant of these lines' translation:
And when someone remembered the horrors of war
And his judge-sober conscience could stand it no more
He drank hard just because he was seeing that guy,
Who begged for the one thing as if he was alive
;)
It's an equirhythmic and singable translation.